Dear Jane,
Can’t refuse
My flatmate and his girlfriend have asked me to join them in a threesome. They feel their relationship needs excitement and passion and believe I’m the best person to get naked with.
To this end they’re promising dinner and wine in a good restaurant by way of a ‘romantic date’. On top of that they’ll give me £100 for personal care (intimate waxing, new panties, cosmetics etc) for the night of the three-way. Then I’ll get a gift card for £50 by way of thanks. They think it’s a good package that I’d be silly to turn down.
Obviously, a free meal and £150 worth of goodies sounds tempting, but what can I do about the fact that I don’t fancy either of them?
JANE SAYS: You can’t sell your soul if your heart’s not in it.
Tell your flat mate ‘Thanks, but no thanks’.
Suggest they find someone else to party with.
The fact is that you can’t fake it. If you don’t fancy them then no free meal or courtesy wax is going to change that. Besides if you were to accept the food and ‘package’ by way of thanks, then what would that make you? When does the concept of ‘personal expenses’ cross over into the grey area of ‘personal services’?
Be prepared to get tough. Walk away if they attempt to get unpleasant or heavy because you owe them nothing.
Copy cat
My oldest friend doesn’t have an original idea in her head. She copies everything I do. We own the same coat, boots, and bags simply because she goes out and buys whenever I have.
Now she’s crossed a line by having her hair cut and coloured by my hairdresser. We look like Tweedledum and Tweedledee. She’s stolen my identity.
My boyfriend says to ignore her because she is unimaginative and is boring. But this blatant theft makes my blood boil. When is this going to end? Am I to spend the rest of my life looking over my shoulder worrying about what she’ll do next?
JANE SAYS: Either your friend lacks confidence or is extremely lazy.
Clearly, she admires and looks up to you.
She looks you up and down and thinks: “I’ll have what she’s having”.
But no one could blame you for being miffed.
The reality is that she can buy anything she likes. Hairstyles are out there for anyone to choose.
How much of a friend is she? Are you determined to keep her in your life or is this where you quietly exit stage left and move off in a different direction?
It sounds as if she’s to be pitied more than anything.
Sex tape
I’m sick of my girlfriend filming everything. She doesn’t live in the moment. Over the summer we went to a cool festival, and she spent the whole weekend with her phone out. It’s the same when we’re in bed; every fumble is a sex tape.
The irony is that I’ve never seen her play anything back. She lives her life through a lens.
JANE SAYS: It sounds like your girlfriend has got into an annoying habit. She has to hear that you’d like her to be more ‘present’ so that you can make observations, make eye contact, and share jokes.
Her phone has become a barrier to communication and shared experiences. Is she willing to meet you halfway?
Are you comfortable with the intimate, sexual material she holds on to? Discuss.
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