Dear Jane,
Mixed messages
Recently, during a leaving do, the best-looking guy at my firm came up and kissed me. He stuck his tongue down my throat without any kind of preamble.
It was amazing. We spent the next few hours snogging and groping in an empty stock room. I was in Heaven.
I asked him to come back to mine for sex, but he said he wanted to take things slowly, which I found frustrating but horny too…
Now I don’t know where I stand. I see him all the time at work, but he hasn’t he made another move. I’ve suggested a drink and dinner, but he’s brushing me off. I’m confused because he’s single and so am I, yet he was so keen to be with me at the party.
JANE SAYS: Don’t allow this person to mess with your head or distract you from your job.
I suspect he’s backing off now because he realises he crossed a line. Accept that you and he aren’t destined to be together. You work together and flings are frowned upon by most employers. It could be that someone (higher up) saw what went down and has already had a word with him. I find it astonishing that your colleague thought it appropriate to stick his tongue down your throat, unexpectedly and uninvited in the workplace.
Okay, you were at a party. Was his behaviour acceptable, and right? Remember that being drunk is never an excuse.
Got what it takes
I think I’d like to become a professional singer. I’m convinced I’ve got what it takes, yet any time I tell my boyfriend that I’m thinking about giving up my day job he laughs his head off.
He says I’m deluded. He mentions famous people with record deals and scoffs: “You’re nowhere as good as them”. I can’t remember the last time he said or did anything positive. How come everyone else believes I’ve got potential – except him? My sister thinks that he deliberately strives to keep me down. He calls himself a ‘realist’ – and me a fantasist. Would it kill him to support me? I’m 23 and feel bored and stuck.
JANE SAYS: At your age you should be flying high; living life to the max and fulfilling your potential, not worrying how your negative boyfriend is going to crush you next. Talk honestly to friends and family about where you go from here. Get their support and don’t let anyone put you down.
There’s no denying that entertainment is a very tough profession to break into. You need to think about proper training and extremely hard work.
Is there a local singing group you could get involved with in the evenings and at weekends? Are there professionals you could talk to?
Hand outs
I can’t stand my real Dad.
He left home three months after I was born. I was brought up by my Mum. I always imagined he’d be handsome and strong. Instead, he’s a self-obsessed troublemaker who keeps asking for cash.
He’s desperate to leech off me. Dare I dump him?
JANE SAYS: Take things slowly. Give yourself plenty of thinking time.
Is your father interested in telling you why he left?
Ultimately, he can’t change what went on after your birth, but he can attempt to build bridges. Sadly, if you don’t like him and don’t think that you can cope with his selfish personality or demands for cash, then you must follow your conscience and do what you feel is right.
Don’t feel guilty about putting yourself first.
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Every day, the Daily Star’s very own agony aunt Jane O’Gorman is on hand to tackle your issues and concerns with some straight-talking but sound advice.
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