Dear Jane,
Family values
My girlfriend’s folks are like the Addams Family.
The dad and brothers are aggressive and macho, while the mum and sisters are sharp and sarcastic.
They say what they think – and they don’t think much of me. They barely conceal their contempt. My girl insists they adore me but that’s not the feeling I get…
She insists we stay over at their place most weekends – and demands sex. But I can’t perform with Lurch, Wednesday and Uncle Fester in the other rooms – and this is leading to rows between us.
JANE SAYS: Perhaps the family need more time to trust and get to know you. Perhaps you’ve got a lot of hard work ahead. They love your girl, and you probably still need to prove yourself.
Have you got the patience and the stamina? Are you interested in cracking these tough nuts? Is your girlfriend willing to speak to her family about their attitude towards you? Can she beg them to make you more welcome?
Ear worm
I work alongside a woman who drives me crazy.
She pretends to live an amazing life away from work.
She’s a fantasist and attention seeker.
Almost every day she comes in with tales of fantastic lovers and wild times. She brags about and all the people who (apparently) fancy her. It’s pathetic because I know it’s all designed to grab my attention.
My sister lives near her and knows exactly how she lives her (boring) life. My colleague and I used to be very close, but now she’s jealous that I’m in a steady relationship. How do I get her to dial it down?
JANE SAYS: It sounds as if your friend is lonely and frustrated.
Once upon a time you and she were close; I presume you socialised together, and she was busy and happy. Now you’re with a serious partner and she’s at a loose end. Can’t you still go out with her, occasionally?
Surely, you can make some time for your female friends too. Can you tactfully suggest ways in which she could spend her time and meet new people?
I feel sorry for the woman because it sounds as if she’s struggling to cope. Can you (tactfully) suggest she gets family support and/or professional help?
Back-up plan
My next-door neighbour owns two beautiful dogs.
I adore them but don’t appreciate her dumping them on me – with no payment.
Over the summer I frequently looked after them while she attended job interviews. Now she’s taken up a position with a smart firm but still considers me her back-up plan.
I’m sick of providing unpaid doggy day-care. Her new job requires a lot of travel, which she didn’t mention before. Now she needs to go to Jersey for a week for a big meeting. She expects me to step in. I’m miffed.
JANE SAYS: Make it clear that you can’t carry on with this ad-hoc arrangement and won’t be taken advantage of.
Don’t be shy about going back to your neighbour for a proper chat. She’s, presumably, earning a decent salary now, so needs to be prepared to pay for dog minding services. What are your rates, hours, and rules? Be clear in your own mind.
Whether she engages you or someone else, is up to her. You don’t need to get angry, but you do need to be serious moving forward otherwise you’re going to fall out – and that’s not desirable if you live close to each other.
Don’t feel obliged or allow her to hold you back if you’d rather be doing something else with your time. She sounds like a user.
If you have a problem that needs solving and you don’t know where to turn, look no further.
Every day, the Daily Star’s very own agony aunt Jane O’Gorman is on hand to tackle your issues and concerns with some straight-talking but sound advice.
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