There are three sides to Sophie Sparkes’s marriage…herself, her husband and the British Army.
More than half of their seven years together has been spent apart. Starting a much-wanted family has been put on hold. And husband Josh even missed his own stag do because he was called on duty.
Here she tells Alan Edwards about life playing second fiddle to the regiment…
For Sophie Sparkes, the hard part of being a military wife is not just the numbing loneliness of as long as a stretch of five months apart, or the terror when she hears of casualties in a far-away conflict where her husband is serving.
It’s the little things the 32-year-old misses: Curling up together on the sofa to watch a film, falling asleep in his arms, or simply having someone beside her when she has had a terrible day.
It is the comfort of knowing he is there when a strange noise comes from downstairs, the chance to share some good news over dinner, or being able to ask his opinion about what colour to paint the living room.
Instead, she has become accustomed to doing almost everything alone while her husband, a 29-year-old lance corporal, is away.
Sophie says: “It’s obviously tough for all servicemen when they are away on duty, but most people don’t realise what we military wives go through.
“Everything about everyday life falls on us. From putting out the bins, paying the bills, taxing the car, walking the dogs…juggling all that as well as holding down a full-time a job without anyone to share the burden.
“And it’s even harder for women with children who must be a lone parent for maybe half the year, while daddy is only around on phone or video calls. The truth is it’s a struggle, and I know of lots of marriages that are in trouble or that haven’t survived.
“Our plan when we got married five years ago was to start a family pretty quickly because we both really want children. But we soon realised that Army life means we are better waiting a while.”
For Sophie, who lives in military accommodation in the south of England and works full-time for a defence company, the reality of military life is a constant balancing act between her career, the household, two dogs and a marriage that has to survive on whatever time they snatch together.
The couple’s experience of separation began almost as soon as they moved in together and Josh was sent to Iraq. Sophie had no previous experience of military life. Then, suddenly, all communication stopped and for 72hours she had no contact with him.
She recalls: “During that time, news emerged that soldiers from his regiment had been hit in an attack, with one killed and others injured. I was just his girlfriend then and not a designated family contact.
“For all that time I had no idea whether he was alive, dead, or lying badly hurt in a military hospital. I was beside myself with worry.”
On another five-month period apart during the Covid pandemic, poor internet access made contact difficult even when communication was permitted. Soldiers received limited internet access, while a shared connection used by dozens of people was often painfully slow. Then Sophie received devastating news: her mother had been diagnosed with cancer.
She says: “The one person I wanted to speak to was him, and I had no way of getting in touch with him. I had to wait until he was able to contact me.”
When calls are possible, they are not always private. Her husband may be surrounded by dozens of other soldiers, with military responsibilities interrupting conversations.
In 2024 Sophie and a friend launched a successful podcast called Pad Wives – the common Forces term for partners at home — about military family life after recognising how many partners felt isolated and misunderstood.
They now receive around 50 messages every week from people grateful to hear their experiences reflected in someone else’s story.
Bridging the gap
To mark Remembrance Day, Sophie wants to share her story and stress how important it is to allow the world to come together to remember those lives lost and the families who lost members of their family to service.
And she is full of praise for Vodafone who are offering service personnel what amounts to free global roaming so that cost is not a barrier to keeping in touch with loved ones when posted far from home.
She said: “We know that those serving abroad often have to ration the contact with family because it can be expensive, so this is a fantastic way of a company doing something to really help.”
But while phone calls and messages can help bridge the distance, they are no substitute for having the person she loves beside her.
Sophie added: “Mainly I miss the comfort of his presence. Often when he comes back home I’ll say, ‘Can you just sit with me?’ Not necessarily talking, but just knowing he’s around and in the house.
“Every week that he’s here, we pick a movie one night. We’ll cuddle up on the sofa, get some popcorn and a drink, and watch it together. Just normal stuff, but these are really important and special times.
“Then, obviously, when he’s not here, it’s just me. And it’s lonely. I miss curling up beside him and going to sleep with the warmth of another person beside me in bed. Those simple moments, which many couples take for granted, become so precious.”
- Armed Forces personnel who take out a new Vodafone Global Roam Airtime Plan with more than 1GB data allowance, can get a Vodafone Advantage 25% discount on their monthly airtime, giving them roaming capability across a wide selection of eligible destinations.