Dear Jane,
Drama queen
My girl is a minx. She gets off on shocking and upsetting people. She provokes trouble wherever she goes. She strips off at parties and always makes every wedding we attend about her. Now she wants to go online and put on kinky sex shows to make money. She thinks she’s going to make a fortune. I despair of her. She’s not interested in getting a normal, nine to five job. She feels that’s beneath her because she’s precious and special.
She’s just been sacked from my sister’s gift shop business for lateness, rudeness, and stealing goods. I went out on a limb to get her that position and she’s let herself down and humiliated me. My sister is furious and reckons she’s cost her hundreds of pounds in lost business and stock – I fear I’LL have to pay her back.
I’ve begged my girl to turn her life around but there’s always another drama. She’s currently in conflict with her sister whom she insulted at a family party. My girl said some terrible things about her sister’s children in full earshot of family members. She was showing off. I’ve told her that she’s in the wrong and needs to apologise, but she refuses to back down.
What gets me is that she expects me to forgive her every time. No matter what she does or who she hurts, she assumes I’ll stick around and believe her side of the story. The truth is that she’s a deeply unpleasant, selfish woman and I don’t see how I can continue to respect her or support her for. I fully admit that I was dazzled by her looks and energy in the early days of our relationship.
Is there any hope for her?
JANE SAYS: I suspect your girl only feels alive when she’s pushing others to their very limits. What does she think of you? Are you simply the mug who facilitates her worst excesses? Some people do grow up, see the error of their ways, and change their bad habits but does your girl want to? Has she ever expressed any interest in cleaning up her act? If the answer is no – probably because she thoroughly enjoys the high jinks she gets up to – then have you got the patience or the energy for the next (almost inevitable) drama?
My take on your situation is that you’re exhausted by her excuses, escapades and lies. Once you might have found her exciting and edgy, now she’s just pathetic and cowardly. Today you face the prospect of paying back your sister hundreds of pounds and your girl doesn’t even care. Would she care if your sis threatened to report her the police or does she believe she’s fireproof?
Your girl is talking about performing on-line sex acts in an effort to make cash. Has she considered your feelings? What would she say if you asked her not to go down this route? Sadly, I fear you’re fighting a losing battle. Save yourself by taking some time out – or considering a full split – before you buckle under the weight of her massive ego and appetite for chaos.
Bad penny
My new fella is everywhere – and it’s beginning to freak me out. I’ve been with him for a few months, but he seems to be stalking me.
Every time I see my mates he turns up. He claims to be worried about me and offers me a lift home – sometimes at 9pm. I feel obliged to drink up or woof down my restaurant meal to please him. I can tell that he gets annoyed if I take my time. I don’t want this. I don’t appreciate being tracked and controlled.
I’ve always been a sociable person. I enjoy the company of others and don’t want only to be with him. How do I get him to back off?
JANE SAYS: I worry that you’re way too accommodating. You need to nip this in the bud today. Tell this guy that he needs to back off, or you can’t see yourself staying with him. Is that what he wants?
I hate the idea him turning up and dragging you out. Red flags are flying…
If he’s jealous of your friends or terrified that you’re going to go off with someone else, then that’s something he needs to get over. Having friends is healthy. Instead of stalking you, he should be out with mates of his own. I don’t like the sound of him. He sounds iffy.
Dodgy geezer
My best friend is going out with a rotter. How do I protect her when she’s head over heels in love and lust?
She’s always bragging about how cool he is.
But he’s dodgy; he hangs out with some nasty people and sleeps with sex workers.
My mate is overly impressed by flash idiots. She loves the fact he’s got a fast car and loads of cash. How do I save her from this latest jerk?
JANE SAYS: I suggest you stand well back and keep a very open mind. What proof do you have that he’s a rotten apple? You like your mate and wish to protect her, but she’s an adult and it’s up to her whom she dates. Is she even going to listen to you at this stage? If her new fella is a player, then that’s for her to discover and deal with.
I suggest you wait in the wings and be there with a shoulder to cry on should your friend need it, but don’t stick your nose it where it’s not wanted.
It could be that she knows all about his bad habits and rather likes the idea of dating a wrong ‘un. If you speak out now, then you could end up the loser.
Shock announcement
My bride-to-be has presented me with certain ‘conditions’ that she expects to be met before and after our February wedding. She is demanding a new car every two years, a fixed amount of cash each month and sex every three days. I feel under pressure to provide and perform. Why lay down rules? Shouldn’t money be shared and love unconditional?
JANE SAYS: At least you know what the woman is thinking.
Being open and honest about expectations is a good thing. However, if you don’t agree with what she’s suggesting then you need to go back to the drawing board. Are you getting cold feet? Are you alarmed by her bold requirements? Can she tell you what she plans to bring to the relationship? Have you gone off her?
If you have a problem that needs solving and you don’t know where to turn, look no further.
Every day, the Daily Star’s very own agony aunt Jane O’Gorman is on hand to tackle your issues and concerns with some straight-talking but sound advice.
If you want help, you can write to Just Jane, Daily Star, One Canada Square, London, E145AP or email jane.ogorman@reachplc.com. Please note that Jane cannot respond to individual letters and not all problems will be published.