After three months of Halloween celebrations, I’ve been craving something a little fluffy. Believe it or not, even a gothic soul like me needs a little light amongst the darkness.
Over the years, I’ve visited this hotel on several occasions, but during a recent road trip along the Pacific Coast Highway, I was reminded once again of its unapologetically kitsch pink presence. I decided it was time to throw myself back across its threshold and indulge in a little vintage fairy tale glamour.
The Madonna Inn delivers just that. In essence, it’s a roadside motel, but it’s so much more. It’s probably one of the most unique hotels you’ll encounter in California. Not only does it offer an escape, but an escape from reality altogether; a journey back in time that truly captures your imagination. No two visits here are ever quite the same.
The hotel boasts an array of themed rooms and suites, each one unique, charming and completely different from the next. You can channel your inner caveman or burst your own bubble in a sea of pink florals. There really is something for every personality, provided that personality isn’t particularly fond of minimalism.
It comes as no surprise that a hotel this creative and unique has captured so many hearts over the years. It’s even cited as one of Dolly Parton’s favourite hotels. Dolly is reported to have been a regular since the 1980s, making several of the hotel’s rooms her home for the night.
Apparently, she was particularly fond of Alex Madonna’s Gold Rush Steak House, where she would always sit in the same golden booth and order an oak-grilled filet mignon with two sides of garlic bread. The hotel officially renamed it ‘Dolly’s Booth’ in her honour. It’s the only golden booth in the restaurant, surrounded by mirrors and pink-on-pink Baroque wallpaper. Subtlety was clearly never on the menu.
Following news of Dolly’s passing, the booth became a shrine to the singer, complete with a tribute photograph and a slice of Pink Champagne Cake, accompanied by a solitary candle, seemingly defying even the non-existent breeze. The hotel declared that the table would always be reserved for Dolly.
Normal service has since resumed, and you can now book yourself a seat at Dolly’s table. It’s a rather wonderful way to spend an evening, particularly after working 9 to 5.
When I arrived at the hotel, I pulled into the driveway, where the enormous, looming innkeeper’s sign immediately demands your attention, even from the road. Its regal branding verges on tacky, with blazing shades of pink and gold, but this hotel is a celebration of kitsch. You certainly don’t check in here expecting to be drowned in beige.
The hotel’s occupancy is often high, and a surge of PR following Dolly’s passing has ensured that it’s firmly back on the hospitality map. Naturally, I wanted to experience the most flamboyant room I could find, and The Old Mill immediately caught my eye. A hotel room with its own working watermill and animated dancing figurines? It sounded more than delightful.
The room sits on the top floor of one of the hotel’s several buildings and is like stepping straight into a whimsical storybook. The green glitter wallpaper could almost be a feature in its own right, but it’s thoroughly upstaged by the lifelike stone-and-timber mill that greets you the moment you open the door.
Basically, your beds (yes, there are two of them) come complete with a roof-like structure featuring balconies that accommodate circles of dancing figurines.
The entire building appears to erupt from a hand-painted pastoral mural, and I was almost immediately transported to Switzerland, with the rather surreal sensation of sleeping inside a giant cuckoo clock. I already felt there was quite a lot going on, but the drama hadn’t even started. This room comes with switches. And not just ordinary light switches.
I filled the giant stone sink with water, as instructed, and after a few rather unsettling gurgling sounds, which made it seem as though a helicopter was about to take off, water began cascading down into the waterwheel, just inches from my pillow.
As if that wasn’t enough to keep me occupied, I now had water splashing onto my cheeks as I attempted to sleep. And this was before the Alpine dancers entered from stage left!
Another switch unleashed the circling figurines. If you’ve ever had the pleasure of watching a vintage train circling beneath your Christmas tree, you’ll know exactly the sort of racket I’m talking about. This was the soundtrack now accompanying the churning water: a rather enthusiastic combination of miniature locomotive and Alpine village.
It’s safe to say that The Old Mill is more of a post-sleep adventure. My tip would be to flick those switches to OFF before you even attempt to count sheep. Even if you think you can sleep through absolutely anything.
This is a hotel that promises it will always love Dolly. And if, like me, you have a soft spot for the unusual, the theatrical and the downright eccentric, the Madonna Inn is definitely a colourful option in more ways than one. After all, life is far too short to sleep in beige.
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