I’m 36 and males have stopped chasing me…how do lovely girls deal with shedding their seems to be?
A woman who used to be ‘attractive in her 20s’ has complained of ‘feeling terrible’ about herself because she’s ‘ageing awfully’ and ‘no longer gets attention from men’.
The 36-year-old took to Mumsnet to say she was often chased in her 20s but now ‘looks in the mirror and feels so sad’.
She said that between the ages of 17 and 25, she received a lot of attention from men, and that she would either be ‘hit on’ or and have numbers ‘slipped into her pocket’.
However, since turning 30, she cannot remember the last time someone complimented her.
‘I hardly recognise myself,’ she wrote.
‘I hoped I would age like my mother, who is still stunning and gets lots of attention.
‘But I have aged terribly. I know this sounds shallow and vain, but when I look in the mirror, I just feel so sad. No matter what I do, I don’t look nice.
‘I try to keep other things nice like my hair and clothes, but it doesn’t matter what I do, because my face is still ugly.’
The 36-year-old, from the UK, took to Mumsnet to say she’s upset she’s ‘no longer chased by men’ because she’s losing her looks (stock image)
The woman said she now has a sedentary job, which has caused her to gain a small amount of weight. She also experiences insomnia, which she believes has caused her attractiveness to fade.
Since posting about her predicament, the woman has been inundated with hundreds of replies, with some suggesting she may have ‘self-esteem issues’. Others believed social media was to blame.
One person wrote: ‘Christ on a bike, you are in your 30s. I’ve seen more posts like these and I do think social media is fuelling the rise in negative mindsets on looks.
‘Firstly, take up strength training. It transforms your skin as your skin sits over muscle. Secondly, wear colours that suit you. Thirdly, stop comparing yourself- focus on what you want to accentuate. Forget the rest. Fourthly, don’t tie your self-worth to your looks ever – do things because you want to.
‘All easier said than done and we can all feel like having an overhaul sometimes.’
Another penned: ‘You’re only 36! Are you sure you don’t have self-esteem issues? Humans are only in that stunning young adult beauty zone for a few short years – dangerous to base your self-worth on that short life stage.
‘I don’t miss the general perving and men being weird/resentful with me.
But another user said she understood how the woman felt. The person described themselves as ‘gorgeous’ in their teens and twenties but said they developed a ‘pudding face’ when they hit 30.
The woman, who is 36, said she felt her looks started declining a decade ago when she was in her mid-twenties
‘I sometimes feel sad about it, but it’s not something that bothers me day to day,’ they penned. ‘I’m a much more interesting, self-confident person now than I was when I was beautiful and that more than makes up the difference in how I feel about myself. I do take tweezers and a home IPL (Intense Pulsed Light for hair removal) to the stealth attack bristles, though.’
A third commenter said they ‘loved men looking at me,’ and sympathised with the woman about her emotions.
‘I loved getting dressed up and going out and feeling I looked nice,’ they said. ‘I hate ageing. Really hate it,’ they said.
Another user, who is 46 years old, said they didn’t mind their face showing signs of ageing and that they actually adored their laughter lines.
‘What I’m sad about is my hair – I always thought people cut their hair just because it was the done thing, not because it thins out,’ they said. ‘I used to have thick, healthy hair; it’s really bitty looking now.’
The 36-year-old poster said she feels as though her face is ‘drooping’ and that she looks the ‘oldest’ in her friendship group – despite being the youngest.
She confided in the platform and said that when she was 29, she went to the supermarket and was asked for ID. However, when the assistant’s supervisor came over to approve the purchase, he guessed she was ‘about 35’.
‘I know it isn’t a big difference and wasn’t TOO far off my age, but before that, people always assumed I was younger,’ she said.
Also replying to the thread, another person said they felt ‘gutted’ when they saw the first signs of ageing – however, they don’t regret keeping their face au naturel.
Mumsnet users wrote about their thoughts and feelings on the thread, with some saying they have experienced losing their looks
‘I look at people with before and after surgery and realise we don’t know what we’ve got till it’s gone,’ they wrote.
‘Friendly, creased up, quirky faces seem so much nicer, warmer, more lovable to me than pulled back symmetrical faces and turkey teeth. So I try to appreciate my face as the one my family loves and recognises.’
Someone else said they were ‘very pretty’ in their 20s and 30s, but found that they had become wiser and confident as they got older.
‘I am proud of the fact that I am no longer vain, no longer wear makeup and have more depth as a person,’ they said. ‘I think attractiveness is more than just stereotypical beauty and you only need the surface level beauty when you are trying to attract a mate (in your fertile years).
‘When you are older, you have other things to offer: wit, wisdom, humour, patience, lived experience. I would hate to look like I did when I was younger now. I am in a different chapter now and loving it. It is someone else’s turn to be the pretty young thing.’
Another said that if someone was once beautiful, they probably still have their good looks.
They added: ‘Creases in skin due to decades of laughter are just as beautiful as smooth skin without wrinkles. You get to choose whether to consider only youth to be attractive.
‘You may be seeing ugliness in the mirror because you are frowning/scowling/grimacing at what you see there. Instead, hold your head up high, think of all the joy in your life and smile – your looks are still there.’
