‘Horny ex handled me like grime and cheated on me however will not let me go’
JUST JANE: Today our agony aunt Jane O’Gorman is dealing with a new issue from a Daily Star reader who longs for a new life away from her selfish, entitled ex-lover
If you have a problem that needs solving and you don’t know where to turn, look no further.
Every day, the Daily Star’s very own agony aunt Jane O’Gorman is on hand to tackle your issues and concerns with some straight-talking but sound advice.
From bedroom confessions to self-confidence issues , drug use and everything else, Jane has helped thousands of Daily Star readers over the years and isn’t slowing down.
If you want help, you can write to Just Jane, Daily Star, One Canada Square, London, E145AP or email [email protected]. Please note that Jane cannot respond to individual letters and not all problems will be published.
He had toddler-level meltdowns
My ex-partner will not accept that our relationship is over. I dumped him a few weeks ago because he kept sexting other women right under my nose. I’d had enough. What can I say? I got sick of catching him, on his phone to love rivals. We’d been together for three years, but I’d walk in a room, and he’d jump out of his skin with a guilty look on his face. I’d attempt to snatch his phone out of his hand, and he’d go into a toddler-level meltdown. Things came to ahead on the night of his birthday. I was pleasuring him orally (for a treat) and his phone rang. I growled; “Leave it” and he took the call anyway. It was a woman he used to date a few years before me. I could hear her whispering rude words and hit the roof. I stomped off to the sofa and ended our relationship right there and then.
Today I’m renting a room from my sister and feeling great. I have plans to travel. I have confidence and I need to be free, but he keeps trying to win me back with bouquets, gifts and savage hits of emotional blackmail.
The other day he ranted that I’m cruel because his great aunt (in Australia) is ill and I should be more caring because he’s suffering and worried.
I’ve told him that he’s a pain and a rat and a disappointment, but he refuses to back off. I’ve tried to explain my feelings in letters and texts, but he doesn’t get it. Now he’s working on my family and friends because he can’t stand the fact that I’m living an independent life and I’m not doing what he wants.
I’m not frightened because I don’t think he’d ever do anything stupid, but I’m certainly exhausted and exasperated. The irony is that he could never really bring himself to be good to me when we were together. Why does he think that we could be happy together now? How do I sort this without things turning messy?
JANE SAYS: Haven’t things already turned messy? Sadly, your ex-partner isn’t listening to you or taking you seriously. He thinks he can break you down and isn’t prepared to respect your position. Despite telling him how you feel, he continues to bombard you with unwanted gifts and attention. He has to hear once, and for all, that you are not flattered because there is no going back. Is he now willing to bow out gracefully or do you have to get tough? And by tough you mean contacting a solicitor or even involving the police. Make sure that friends and family know that this is no lover’s tiff or game. Tell them that you rely on them to protect and understand you. Never hesitate to call 999 if ever you feel threatened.
The problem is that your ex cannot believe that you are daring to stand up for yourself. I get the impression he is someone who is used to getting his own way.
Suddenly you’re saying ‘no’ and he can’t stand that.
But, unfortunately for him, you’re a different person today. You’re done with being pushed around and disrespected and have your own plans and priorities. Gather people around you who are willing to support and cherish you and help you to stay strong.
Double standards
My ex-wife treated me like dirt. Her parents knew how unhappy she made me and agreed that she was a monster. Yet she’s just remarried and they’re all over social media smiling and raising classes of champagne to her. How does that work? How can they stand to be so supportive and two-faced when I suffered so much?
JANE SAYS: I expect your ex-in-laws feel more torn and conflicted than you’ll ever know. Things might not have worked out between you and your ex, but they’re still her parents. If they know her best of all then maybe they feel that they’re better off in her life than out of it? Forget her. Learn from any mistakes you made and make the coming years count. Come off social media and give yourself a mental break.
I’m a pathetic boozer
I’m faking it every day.
I’m exhausted from trying to be a supersonic version of myself. When I first met my boyfriend, I exaggerated my fitness regime and my commitment to healthy eating.
The reality is that is that I’m struggling to keep up this act. He doesn’t think I eat sugar or drink booze, but I keep a secret stash of wine in the garden shed just to cope. I pretend to go jogging and sit on a park bench. I make out I’m happy with a salad for supper and then stuff myself with chocolate once he’s in the shower. How do I tell him that I’m not what he thinks?
JANE SAYS: I wouldn’t be surprised if your boyfriend already knows your secret and is waiting for you to come clean. Hasn’t he smelt the wine on your breath or spotted the chocolate wrappers in the bin? Stop pretending to be something you’re not and level with him. Explain that you’re a good person with good intentions but now need to take everything down a peg or three. You’re trying to be the best version of yourself. Suggest you both start again on a more honest footing. The fact is that life is stressful enough. He never asked you to be his superwoman so start being kinder to yourself; otherwise, you’ll burn out and start to suffer serious self-loathing.
