‘I do not need my man’s horny boss at our marriage ceremony – I’m satisfied they’re bonking’
JUST JANE: Today our agony aunt Jane O’Gorman is dealing with a new issue from a Daily Star reader who isn’t prepared to share the spotlight with her fella’s pushy boss
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Every day, the Daily Star’s very own agony aunt Jane O’Gorman is on hand to tackle your issues and concerns with some straight-talking but sound advice.
From bedroom confessions to self-confidence issues , drug use and everything else, Jane has helped thousands of Daily Star readers over the years and isn’t slowing down.
If you want help, you can write to Just Jane, Daily Star, One Canada Square, London, E145AP or email [email protected]. Please note that Jane cannot respond to individual letters and not all problems will be published.
Wedded diss
I should be looking forward to our Valentine Day wedding but I’m anxious. The problem is that my bloke is insisting on inviting his boss to the whole day – a woman I’m convinced he’s having an affair with.
The two of them are extremely close, both in the office and out of it. She endured an ugly divorce in 2023 and describes my man as her best friend. I don’t like this.
I’m suspicious and jealous. I resent their intimate dinners, regular phone calls and private jokes. Recently they went to Bristol to meet a client. I demanded to know if they shared a hotel room and he refused to answer, calling me ‘childish and pathetic’, but I’m convinced they have sex. Whenever he returns from being with her, he’s sparkly eyed and hyper.
When I tell him to avoid her, he snaps that he must keep her sweet for work. He claims that everything he is does is for us – for our future – but why can’t it be just the two of us?
Why does SHE have to loom large like a great, big blood sucking vampire?
He says he’s committed to marrying me and isn’t interested in anything she has to offer but that doesn’t reassure me when she’s sexier, sassier and rich.
My spiteful stepmother, who never fails to speak her mind, has suggested that he’s only marrying me so that I provide food, sex on tap and a comfortable home – while he pursues his career.
But I’m not interested in being anyone’s facilitator. How dare my man make me feel so uncomfortable? This should be the happiest time of my life.
JANE SAYS: Your wedding is only a few months away yet you’re feeling anxious and overwhelmed. You husband should be on your side and making you feel loved and cherished. Instead, you’re spending so much time looking over your shoulder you don’t know which way is up.
I’m sure he is dazzled by his beautiful boss. No doubt he’s keen to impress her, but you can’t be a bit player in your own relationship. It’s not your job to keep the home fires burning while he whizzes around town, being all smug and important, with his fancy employer.
He needs to understand that you don’t play second fiddle to anyone. If he’s not 100 per cent committed to you and your upcoming marriage, then you must show your teeth by putting everything on hold. It doesn’t matter if deposits have been paid and flowers ordered – this disrespect is too big to be ignored. Red flags should be flapping.
Tell him today that you want him to get a new job; one that takes him completely away from his employer. Insist he dedicates himself solely – physically, sexually and emotionally – to you. If he has a problem with that, then he needs to explain himself. You must trust your instincts.
He whines when denied his tipple
My partner likes pricey, fine wines. He fancies himself as a connoisseur. Unfortunately, his expensive taste makes a huge dent in our monthly income. I run the household budget and am forced to cut back on food, toiletries and using the car to accommodate his tipples.
I’ve just borrowed £300 from my parents to pay a utility bill – but he can never know because he’s proud and doesn’t like the idea of me going behind his back.
He’s started talking about his ‘Christmas order’ from his favourite supplier and I’m scared. Last year I saved Christmas when I secretly cashed in an old savings bond. This year there is nothing left. We’re both living a lie, but he would be devasted if I dared to speak the truth. How do I sort this?
JANE SAYS: You can’t carry on pretending that everything is fine. This situation is untenable, and your nerves are buckling under the stress. The bottom line is that your partner has a serious drink problem that he isn’t willing to own up to. Expensive alcohol is his priority, and he feels it defines him, but you must start looking out for yourself. Speak up and hit him with some home truths. Insist he speaks to his GP and then consider your future. Is this the life you wish to lead? Why tie yourself in knots for his fancy tastes and ego?
She’s hot for angry sex
My girlfriend gets a kick out of winding me up.
She deliberately flirts with other people just to make me jealous. It doesn’t matter where we are; she always manages to find someone to rub up against. She pushes me to my absolute limits before proffering an insincere apology. The reality is that she is provocative and dramatic and gets off on angry, make-up sex.
She’s openly admitted that ‘normal’ lovemaking leaves her cold. If intercourse isn’t edgy, then she’s not interested. How can she stand to treat me like this when my nerves are in tatters?
JANE SAYS: There’s no denying that ‘make-up sex’ is often hot and exciting, but your relationship can’t be played out on one note. Whatever happened to consideration and mutual respect? It’s time for your girlfriend to start being honest with you. If she’s now bored and simply playing at being your partner for kicks, then she must hear that’s not good enough for you. You’re not her straight man or her sexual facilitator. It’s vital that you start realising your own worth and mental limits. Consider your self-respect before she crushes your confidence under foot.
Demand you start again on a more mature footing. Is she capable of changing or should you split?
Family don’t know me
As a young woman I was reckless and selfish. I slept around, drank too much and treated people appallingly. I deliberately slept with married men and destroyed their families. Now I’m full of guilt and remorse. My husband and kids don’t know the real me and deserve someone better. Why am I such a screw up?
JANE SAYS: You must start being kinder to yourself. Your family love you for who you are today. Many of us did silly things in our youth – that’s what being young is all about. Is your husband perfect? Of course not. You can’t turn back the clock or undo anything. Talk to your husband and friends because you’re a good person now and you need to accept that you’re loved and appreciated.
