‘Drunk, slobbering associate at all times desires kinky motion when he is drunk – it is gross’
JUST JANE: Today our agony aunt Jane O’Gorman is dealing with a new issue from a Daily Star reader who is tired of her man staggering home and pawing her
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Booze makes him boorish
My partner always fancies kinky, smutty sex whenever he’s drunk. This time of year, is something of a challenge and nightmare for me. I want to enjoy the parties and lovely food but dread hearing his key in the door. I resent being breathed on and pawed by my slobbering bloke.
I loathe being persuaded to partake in acts that don’t sit well with me and that I’m deeply uncomfortable with. I’m sick of being called a spoilsport.
Most of the time he’s a decent person who rarely touches a drop of alcohol, but the run up to Christmas brings out the beast in him and adds extra strain on our relationship. Is it too much to simply long for love and affection?
JANE SAYS: Alcohol is never an excuse for bad behaviour. Your partner must be spoken to when he’s sober and approachable. He must hear that this intolerable situation cannot continue.
He may claim that drink raises his libido, lowers his inhibitions and gives him Dutch courage, but what about your self-respect and feelings? Doesn’t he realise that he ruins this time of year for you? That you worry about what he’ll come up with next.
At the moment your needs are simply not being considered. Can you make sober sex a priority again by getting back to basics with date nights and early bedtimes?
Does he need to speak to his GP about his drinking? Does he also need to tell you what he’s feeling and what’s actually going on inside his head? He needs to understand that you are not a toy to be played with and pulled around.
Rude rat gets my goat
My friend’s husband has never liked me. He’s been unfailingly sarcastic and dismissive over the years. Recently, he was extremely rude to me at a party.
I was talking to a group of friends about being single and he butted in. He jeered that the reason I struggle to maintain relationships is because I’ve ‘got a screw loose’. He totally humiliated and insulted me. That was the final straw, and I told him to ‘clear off’.
The next day I rang my friend and explained that I won’t be mixing with her again.
Now she’s devastated and begging me to not to desert her. But why should I reconsider when she has never once stuck up for me or told him to shut his fat gob?
JANE SAYS: I believe you’ve made the right decision. Clearly this man has always been jealous of the relationship you enjoyed with your friend. But we all have our limits, and you reached yours when he was rude to you in public.
Sadly, if the man is a bully, then she needs to examine the quality of their relationship. It was never your job to be the butt of his jokes.
Why don’t you send her one last text suggesting she opens her eyes – sees him for what he is – and starts puts herself first for a change.
