‘We swing with strangers however edgy associate would not love me and will not transfer in’

JUST JANE: Today our agony aunt Jane O’Gorman is dealing with a new issue from a Daily Star reader who longs for stability and commitment from her edgy lover

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If you have a problem that needs solving and you don’t know where to turn, look no further.

Every day, the Daily Star’s very own agony aunt Jane O’Gorman is on hand to tackle your issues and concerns with some straight-talking but sound advice.

From bedroom confessions to self-confidence issues , drug use and everything else, Jane has helped thousands of Daily Star readers over the years and isn’t slowing down.

If you want help, you can write to Just Jane, Daily Star, One Canada Square, London, E145AP or email [email protected]. Please note that Jane cannot respond to individual letters and not all problems will be published.

All on his terms

My partner likes having me around and says that he’d be lost without me in his life. He and I have regular sex. Our sex life is experimental – we frequently swing with his mates and edgy people he finds online but he admits he doesn’t love me.

He isn’t interested in having children or ever living with me full time. Last year he spent several months with an ex-girlfriend at his flat in Spain and won’t rule out doing so again in 2026. He runs a business and likes me to accompany him to important dinners and conferences as I look good and am expert at chatting up clients, but I often feel like an accessory or a prop.

How can we stay together when we want very different things?

JANE SAYS: The prospect of breaking free and going it alone may seem scary, but you can’t continue to live your life by someone else’s rules.

There’s no shame or failure in admitting that this relationship simply hasn’t worked out. The time you’ve spent together hasn’t been wasted because lessons have been learned and you now know exactly what it is you want from life and a love affair.

Explain to him that you feel you’ve gone as far as you can go. Wish him well while you go on to achieve your potential as an individual, an equal and possibly a parent.

Deliberately rude

My husband’s mum rudely points when I look fat or tired. She takes great delight in cutting me down to size. She’s very grand and likes to boast that she ‘doesn’t suffer fools gladly’.

In other words, she’s horribly rude and thinks she can say anything she likes. My husband ignores her, but I can’t. Every insult she utters gets under my skin and I can’t help snapping back. This leads to conflict with me frequently being accused of being touchy and a troublemaker. How does that work?

JANE SAYS: There’s a fine line and this annoying woman continues to cross it. Shouldn’t your husband speak to her? Alternatively, could you ask her for a chat?

Could you put it to her that you’re often offended and horrified by what she says and how she says it? Does she ever stop to think or even listen to herself because she’s impressing no one. Sadly, if she’s never going to change, then save yourself by spending as little time in her company as possible.

The fact is that we can’t possibly get on with everyone we meet. You have your standards and ways of dealing with others and she has very bad manners.

Gimme gimme gimme

How can I love parents who don’t share their money?

My Mum and Dad have just sold the family home and downsized to a tiny flat. They’ve banked a fortune.

I’ve demanded a cash injection and they’ve turned me down. They are loaded yet refuse to part with a penny. They know that I’m struggling after running up credit cards debts. I’m 26 and seriously miffed.

JANE SAYS: Why don’t you stop demanding and start negotiating? I suspect your parents are still juggling figures and planning their future after a life changing move.

Could you put together a loan proposal alongside a long-term repayment plan? Show that you’re an adult and serious about being mature and reasonable. They’re not a charity and you’re not a child.