ALEXANDRA SHULMAN: The 5 horrible phrases that sparked a chilly struggle between my companion and I
If my own experience is anything to go by, the recent cold snap will be leaving more than increased heating bills in its wake. There is nothing like disagreeing over the cold to cause serious ruptures in a relationship.
My boyfriend David and I spent New Year in Scotland in a gorgeous house above a rushing river with views of snow-topped hills.
When we arrived, our glum-looking host uttered the five English words an American once told me were his least favourite: ‘There’s usually enough hot water.’
The boiler was playing up and, although downstairs was deliciously warm with roaring fires and an Aga, the bedrooms and bathrooms were on the icy side.
Boo-hoo you might say. Nobody expects a visit to Scotland in deep mid-winter to be warm. And this was my stentorian opinion when David complained about the cold as if he’d been exiled to the Siberian Gulag.
Shivering dramatically and yelping with discomfort, he gave an Oscar-winning performance of how the Antarctic explorers might have felt.
I had to admit it was on the nippy side but took the view that we were highly fortunate to be in such a fantastic place and that moaning about the tiny inconvenience of the cold was the very definition of spoilt.
It’s not that I am especially immune to freezing temperatures, as the size of our heating bill shows.
We never sleep with the windows open and during the winter I often take two hot baths a day.
But David thinks I am made of some sort of heat-tech fabric Uniqlo would envy and have an inhuman – and inhumane – attitude to his suffering. Even at home, he frequently sits in his puffer jacket and scarf.
Long-term couples generally manage to navigate different attitudes to room temperature, along with the sound level of the TV or how long food should fester in the fridge. Any irritation is generally kept under combustible level.
But when it flares, as it did over New Year, it can be the firelighter for a whole pile of grievances just waiting to go up in flames.
Our cold war ended with David thinking that perhaps it was time our relationship had run its course. Fortunately he has now defrosted.
Ministers ignore the glaringly obvious
THE Government’s proposal that older motorists should have their eyesight checked every three years is age discrimination.
Though getting older can diminish our eyesight, mitigating factors like more caution and common sense must level the playing field with younger drivers.
How often do you see an octogenarian driving crazily fast? How many young people don’t take eye tests even though they may well have a problem?
It’s not elderly eyes that are the issue but the insanely bright LED headlights that mean driving at any age has become a real hazard at night. Even in London, where there is ambient light, the oncoming glare makes looking straight ahead impossible.
If Labour wants its new road safety strategy to make a real difference, banning these would be an excellent start.
Nerve to ban Verve star for 8mph error
How crazy to ban Verve frontman Richard Ashcroft from driving for six months, and make him pay £2,755 in a fine and costs, after doing 48mph on a 40mph stretch of the M4. He was on nine points after three earlier speed offences.
It’s as ludicrous as the two points I had for doing a breakneck 24mph on London’s Park Lane.
That’s a real gem of an outfit, Helen
When Dame Helen Mirren received her Cecil B DeMille award last week wearing salmon pink, figure-hugging Stella McCartney, she demonstrated that, while there may be nothing like a Dame, there is also nothing like a stonking great cluster of jewels around the neck to ramp up your evening look.
Over recent years, jewellery has tended towards the slighter, with delicate bands, discreet chains or a cascade of simple rings along the ear. But thanks to Dame Helen, I realise there’s a lot to be said for going for the bold.
My secret thrill at fat jabs warning
As a fat jab refusenik, last week’s warning that users might have to inject for life caused me an unattractive spark of delight.
OK, I’ll admit I was thrilled. I’ve nothing against those who need them for medical reasons but so many around me are irritatingly smug about their new, and in most cases unnecessary, weight loss.
On a point of order… I’m now bored stiff
Kudos to the valiant people who fight for local matters. As one of a cohort objecting to the way the City of London is closing established and loved cafes, I attended a residents’ association meeting.
Oh dear. Points of order, amendments to minutes, proposals of the motion… all necessary for correct governance but for the impatient like me, head-crushingly nitpicky.
It gave me more sympathy for MPs who spend so long listening to this stuff. At least they are paid. These campaigners immerse themselves in mind-numbing bureaucracy for free.
A drama to get you through dry January
Should anyone be searching for a TV binge, I can’t recommend Landman enough. Billy Bob Thornton stars in the Paramount + drama set on the West Texan oil rigs but every role is a gem, as is the country music soundtrack.
Even if you don’t have a subscription, I recommend taking one out to watch it, then cancelling if need be. It will keep you happy throughout dry January, should you be foolish enough to be attempting that.
There’s certainly nothing sober about the behaviour on the rigs.
