F1 star admits Lewis Hamilton practically made him stop F1 as psychological well being spiralled
F1 star Valtteri Bottas has opened up about his mental health battles, including an eating disorder, during his challenging time as Lewis Hamilton’s teammate at Mercedes
Valtteri Bottas has opened up about his mental health battles(Image: Andy Hone, LAT Imagesvia Getty Images)
Valtteri Bottas has admitted how serving as “wingman” to seven-time world champion Lewis Hamilton pushed him to the brink of depression and left him despising Formula One. The Finn has also opened up about his two-year struggle with an eating disorder for the first time in a courageously honest look back at his racing career.
Bottas spent five seasons alongside Hamilton at Mercedes. Yet the 2017 promotion from Williams that he had pursued with Toto Wolff following Nico Rosberg’s surprise retirement failed to deliver the success he anticipated.
“First season was good,” he wrote in the Players’ Tribune. “I started the 2018 season thinking that I was the best driver on the grid, and that I was going to win the championship.” However, Bottas failed to claim a single race victory, having been forced to surrender multiple wins to assist Hamilton in defeating Sebastian Vettel for the title.
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“Do you know how badly I wanted to just say no?” he said. “But I had to be a good team-mate. I let him through, and of course he had an incredible season. He was the champion. I was ‘the wingman’
“To this day, I have complicated feelings about it. I don’t know how to answer when people ask me about it, because Lewis is an incredible driver and a friend. I have no bad blood with Mercedes or Toto or anyone. But the whole situation almost made me walk away from the sport.”
Bottas was referring to his battle with an eating disorder early in his F1 career. While results behind the wheel were good, off track he was struggling. “The old me came back. The negative Valtteri. The obsessive Valtteri. I was reading too many comments on social media, and I started to become very self-loathing. Thankfully, I had the tools from my experience in 2014 to understand what was happening, and I had plenty of support.”
Bottas was referencing his struggle with an eating disorder during the early stages of his F1 career. While his performances on track were solid, away from racing he was being “completely consumed” by the issue. He remembered: “It was like a game to me. I’d wake up and weigh myself every morning, and when I’d see the number go down, I’d feel a deep satisfaction.”
“After two months of spiralling, my nerves were shot. I would wake up at 4am on my own, no alarm. I was like a drug addict, ‘I’ve never felt better!’ Ha. Completely delusional. The actual reason I was waking up so early was that my body was in starvation mode.
“I didn’t find joy in anything anymore. When I was back home, I was just so angry and negative about everything. I remember my ex asking me if I ever worry when I’m in the car, because it’s so dangerous. I said, ‘No. If I die, I die’.”
“At that moment, I realised that I genuinely did not care what happened to me anymore. Not long after that, I decided to get some help. I started seeing a psychologist, and I finally admitted out loud that I was unwell. It took me almost two years to feel like myself again.”
But Bottas began to unravel once more during that 2018 campaign in which Hamilton claimed all the acclaim while the Finn existed in his shadow. Bottas revealed: “I was definitely depressed and burnt out. I hated racing. During that winter break before the 2019 season, I did not think that I was going to come back.”
“That winter break, I made the decision that I was going to retire. Then I went for a walk one day in the forest. I walked in the deep snow for maybe three hours and I walked out of those woods with a completely different mindset.”
He started 2019 with a victory by more than 20 seconds in the 2019 season opener in Melbourne. Hamilton would once again claim the world championship, but Bottas proceeded to win 10 Grands Prix over five seasons at Mercedes.
Following a period with Sauber, he disappeared from the grid last year but has returned with newcomers Cadillac. He possesses an uncompetitive machine and securing even a single point in 2026 will prove challenging, though Bottas maintains: “I’m the happiest I’ve ever been, and I’m the best driver I’ve ever been.”
“Coming back to Melbourne for the opening race this season was the most special moment of my entire career. Even more special than my first race. Coming into work every day is a pleasure and that is so rare in this world of F1. This is just the beginning of our journey and that’s so exciting to me.”
