AMANDA PLATELL: Judge me all you need, however I had a horrible realisation once I noticed Camilla on the White House. Everything is all now so painfully clear to me…

There can be no doubt that King Charles’s visit to the United States was a triumph.

His funny and powerful speech to the US Congress in Washington was a masterclass in diplomacy.

And yet, wasn’t something missing? Dare I say the glamour usually involved in such an epic royal event? And can I be the only one who, while admiring 78-year-old Queen Camilla’s stoicism, grew tired of her formulaic A-lined granny dresses, even alongside millions of pounds-worth of borrowed crown jewels?

Watching Camilla, I remembered a 1985 US visit when Prince Charles and Princess Diana attended a ball with President Ronald Reagan and his wife Nancy.

That was the night Diana danced with John Travolta. She was so beautiful in that velvet, midnight-blue, off-the-shoulder Victor Edelstein gown, a seven-strand pearl choker with a sapphire at her slender neck.

Many of my generation – Diana’s generation – can’t help but wonder what would have happened if the then Camilla Parker Bowles, a married mother of two, had not refused to let go of ‘her’ Prince.

Had she and Charles not divorced, Diana of course would be our Queen, attending those glamorous White House events.

She would be 64 – 13 years younger than the King, at 77 – and you can bet that given her beauty, pictures of her would have gone viral.

Despite all the efforts of her stylists, Camilla hardly registered on this trip.

I’ve always believed Charles’ marriage to Diana was sabotaged from the start by Camilla.

We are expected to call her ‘Queen’. I refuse to do so. Camilla will never be a queen to me, only a marriage-wrecker.

Daft, to be blunt

Ahead of what critics say is Emily Blunt’s stellar performance in The Devil Wears Prada 2, the privately educated actress, 43, advises women who hate their jobs to find the courage to quit: ‘Just find something that you deeply want to do, even if you’re earning no money. As long as you love it, you’ll be happy.’ 

Easy to say for the happily married mother of two worth $80million.

London marathon runner Ben West carried a flag bearing the names of 5,431 people who lost their lives to suicide to highlight his charity Reasons to Stay – set up just three months ago after younger brother Sam ended his life. It posts letters of hope from the troubled yet still living to those contemplating ending it all. What a beautiful concept that has already saved lives, with more than three million letters posted. 

Westminster wars

• Shame on the PM for failing to visit the scene of the Golders Green attack on the day it was carried out, then driving past belatedly in a bullet-proof convoy. How right were the crowds holding placards and shouting: ‘Keir Starmer, Jew Harmer!’ and ‘Coward, show yourself!’ 
• As for the Government’s promise of an additional £25million to protect Jewish communities, how pathetic. They were happy to hand out more than £4billion accommodating illegal migrants last year. 
• Social media posts from the Greens show they believe the October 7 pogrom was fake and Israel is a colony of rapists. Two of their candidates have already been arrested over their anti-Semitic posts. How anyone could think of voting for them on May 7 is beyond me.

Barry’s looks have Starr quality

Oscar-nominated Barry Keoghan, now filming his role as Ringo Starr in the new Beatles epic, is so traumatised by people calling him ‘ugly’ on social media that he does ‘not want to go outside’, is ‘shying away’ from the public eye and is more or less a hermit when he’s not on set.

How sad. Barry is not ugly, just unusual-looking. And that didn’t hurt the careers of such greats as Danny DeVito, Jack Nicholson, Tommy Lee Jones or John Hurt.

One in five councils have banned swearing in public places, fining people up to £500. I’d be happy to be taken to court for hurling abuse at the real menace: dog owners who watch their beasts mess on the pavement then get angry when you ask them to clear it up. 

The fear in our Jewish community was revealed this week by Dov Forman, 22, the great-grandson of Auschwitz survivor Lily Ebert. After the Golders Green stabbings, Dov said that before she died, Lily saw ‘echoes of the past returning’ and feared Britain would soon not be safe for Jewish people.

Myleene’s mistake

My moggie Ted is appalled that Myleene Klass took her tiny new kitten Shimi McLovin to work on her Classic FM show in a transparent ‘bubblestyle designer cat carrier’.

The kitten’s pupils look hugely dilated, her ears are flattened and her tail tucked in.

These are all signs of fear and anxiety.

Ted says that cats belong at home in their own territory, not a radio studio as fashion accessories for faded attention-seekers.

Gone Fishing’s Bob Mortimer and Paul Whitehouse grieve the death of their terrier Ted, who has passed away aged 13. But hang on – it turns out Ted belonged to the show’s producer Lisa Clarke, so his presence was always a set-up. 

I bet Ted’s in Dog Heaven, thinking: ‘Thank goodness! No more pretending I like these witless part-time fishermen, without a steak in sight.’ 

As our beloved club fights relegation, depressed fans like me could only smile as Spurs announced a commercial tie-up with Peppa Pig, the tacky merchandising including a £15 hat.

The joke is on us: despite some players being paid up to £190,000 a week, they’ve played all season like blind pigs destined for the knacker’s yard.

Old-fashioned Vic and Stella 

A turf war starts as Stella McCartney and Victoria Beckham launch high street ranges: Stella with H&M and Victoria with Gap.

Isn’t it odd though that Stella McCartney got a leg-up because of her Beatle dad Paul’s famous name and Vic relied on husband David to keep her empire afloat?

So much for Girl Power.