‘Filthy evening of sweat and spankings with same-sex lover completely blew my thoughts’

If you have a problem that needs solving and you don’t know where to turn, look no further.

Every day, the Daily Star’s very own agony aunt Jane O’Gorman is on hand to tackle your issues and concerns with some straight-talking but sound advice.

From bedroom confessions to self-confidence issues , drug use and everything else, Jane has helped thousands of Daily Star readers over the years and isn’t slowing down.

If you want help, you can write to Just Jane, Daily Star, One Canada Square, London, E145AP or email [email protected]. Please note that Jane cannot respond to individual letters and not all problems will be published.

Done and dusted

I enjoyed an amazing night of passion with my female friend but now she says she won’t sleep with me again. She says I’m to forget all about our 12 hours of sweat and spankings and simply view her as a pal. But how can I when she has awoken something wonderful inside me? She is a dynamic woman, and we slept together after a boozy party back in February. I’d never been with a girl before and it was the best experience of my life.

She was firm, sexy and completely in control.

Her chat-up lines were pure filth, and having a naked, female body next to me was such a turn-on.

We were in her bedroom, and she showed me her ‘love chest’. Inside were silky blindfolds, fluffy handcuffs and the most eye-watering selection of adult toys I’ve ever seen.

She cracked open a brand-new vibrator, and my resulting orgasms were off the scale.

Now I’m desperate to make her mine full time, only she’s adamant that she doesn’t want another female lover. She claims she’s more into blokes these days and ours was purely a one-off experience. How do I get her to change her mind when I’m so smitten? I never realised that I could fancy a woman until our encounter.

Now I can’t get her out of my mind. I want her every day. She swears that she likes me too, but only as a sister. She’s obsessed with getting back with an ex-boyfriend, because he’s very rich now and she’s after a better lifestyle. She says that I’m not to mention our sexual antics to anyone in case he finds out and gets jealous. But why must I be the loser when I’ve found such a gem?

JANE SAYS: Clearly your night together was a life changing one for you. Your exciting friend awoke something urgent inside of you and now you must think about where you go from here.

I urge you to respect her position.

If she doesn’t want to take things any further; if she’s begging you to be discreet, then don’t let her down. Would you consider a relationship with another woman? Keep an open mind.

Accept that you and your pal won’t ever repeat that night. It was great, it was horny, but now it’s over. You can’t allow yourself to get hung up on her if she’s simply not interested. Instead, start looking forward with fresh eyes. View this as the beginning of a whole new future for you.

Think about the type of person you would like to be with. Work out where you can go to widen your social circle and have some fun. Resist the urge to keep harking back to that amazing night with your mate, because you might just start to upset her and drive her away. Learn from your experience and think of this as an exciting, fresh start. Be grateful to her for opening your eyes to a whole new world of possibilities and resist the urge to feel resentful or rejected.

My turn

My ex-partner and I split up in 2010. Now he wants my help. He is ill and wants a free home and full-time nurse. The first time he contacted me he was charming. He attempted to flatter me by saying I’m the only woman he’s ever loved. But now he’s angry and I’m questioning his commitment to our ‘fresh start’. He claims I have a ‘duty of care’. He uses emotional blackmail to make me feel responsible. If I don’t nurse him, then who will? Even his brother in New Zealand is piling pressure on me too.

JANE SAYS: If don’t want your ex-partner back, then tell him that he’ll have to make other arrangements. Of course, it’s very unfortunate that he now finds himself in need, but you and he broke up a very long time ago and a lot of water has passed under the bridge. If his brother is so concerned, then what is he doing about helping him? Tell him to see his GP and local Social Services department regarding his finances, options and his care – and don’t you dare feel guilty for telling him ‘no’. I get the distinct impression that he is clutching at straws by coming back to you. The very fact that he has now become rude towards you speaks volumes. Nursing anyone is a huge commitment. Enjoy your future on your own terms.

Secrets and lies

My daughter, 18, wants to find her father.

I raised her on my own and don’t know who he is. I was a wild child in my youth. I slept around and never bothered with contraception because I had erratic periods and never thought I would fall pregnant. Well, I did, and my baby’s father could have been one of about thirty men. I don’t even have a name. I’m terrified that if tell her the truth that she’ll lose all respect for me and hate me forever. How do I save our relationship?

JANE SAYS: You have to level with your daughter. The Internet now makes tracing people so much easier, and the chances are she’ll go down this route in her search for her father. Even though you don’t have a name, DNA testing is a very powerful tool because it can match to common ancestors and build a family tree.

Take the time to explain to your beloved daughter that you were a different person when you were younger; you lived by your own rules; but she’s always been very much loved and very much wanted. You’ve done your best. Could your GP help with counselling, for you and she, if you can’t get past this?

Odd one out

My boyfriend has started hanging out with a new crowd through his new job. I’m never invited out with them and don’t know what’s going on. I’m paranoid that he’s having sex with one of his new female friends and that I’m being sidelined. When I complain, he tells me to stop being so dramatic.

JANE SAYS: The next time your boyfriend goes out with his new pals, ask if you can tag along too. If the answer is no, then ask him why. Is he ashamed of you? Does he have something to hide? Are you inclined to ‘surprise’ him by turning up at a future gathering anyway and sussing out this situation out for yourself? Whatever happens, trust your instincts don’t allow anyone to make a fool of you.