All the indicators your ‘loyal’ pet is secretly a World Cup traitor – and what group they’re backing

Your cat, dog or hamster would never betray you over something as important as international football, right? Think again, says Mike Ward

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You can dress your dog in an England shirt or your cat in a Scotland bandana, but that’s no guarantee they’ll be rooting for your country at this World Cup.

Depending on their breed’s lineage — remember, it can date back centuries — there’s every chance they’ll secretly support another team entirely.

Fortunately, Mike Ward has compiled this essential guide, so you’ll know if your pet is being as loyal as they like to make out.

LABRADOR RETRIEVER : Canada — The Labrador’s roots lie in Newfoundland, which lies on co-host nation Canada’s far-eastern edge (it’s so far east, in fact, that it’s closer to Dublin than it is to Vancouver, which is weird). The Lab’s ancestors used to help fishermen fetch ropes from the freezing Atlantic.

POODLE : France — Originally the poodle was another working water retriever. Athletic, dead smart, tons of stamina etc. Its fancy hairdo came later. Shall we blame the French for that as well? Yes, let’s.

BUDGERIGAR : Australia — The budgie’s ancestors used to flutter around Australia in flocks of thousands. The domestic version is more used to human company. Also, of course, it can speak. Or kind of. “Aussie! Aussie! Aussie!” you’ll think you’ve heard him squawk, but this might just mean he’s a Black Sabbath fan.

VAN CAT : Turkey — Strangely keen on water for a feline, this cat is named after the Lake Van region of eastern Turkey. Be honest, you thought a Van Cat was a cat that liked to kip in a Ford Transit. Me too.

GERMAN SHEPHERD : Germany — Well, yes, obviously.

GOLDEN RETRIEVER : Scotland — Bred in the 1860s by a bloke called Baron Tweedmouth, who lived on an estate (country, not council) near Inverness. For decades, it was claimed that the breed was descended from a troupe of Russian circus dogs the Baron had spotted performing in Brighton, and which he’d snapped up on the spot. Sadly, this was twaddle.

DALMATIAN : Croatia — Named after Dalmatia, the historic coastal region of what is now Croatia. Bred to run alongside horse-drawn carriages, to keep the way clear. Hence they and horses remain surprisingly chummy.

HAMSTER : Saudi Arabia — Most of ours descend from Syrian golden hamsters, first identified near Aleppo. Syria didn’t qualify for this World Cup, but your hamster will happily switch allegiance to neighbouring Saudi Arabia. Hamsters are pretty shameless in that respect.

MAU : Egypt — This is one of the oldest recognised cat breeds, with links to the cats revered in ancient Egypt. It rarely dines out these days on its fancy heritage, preferring to dine out on Whiskas Fish Favourites in jelly, but watch its face when Egypt take the field.

CORGI : Wales — According to legend, Corgis used to be ridden by little Welsh fairy warriors (look, don’t blame me, I’m just reporting this stuff). The saddle-like markings on some Corgis’ backs are said to represent…well, take a wild guess.

WATER DOG : Portugal — Worked alongside Portuguese fishermen for centuries, carrying messages between boats as well as fetching gear that had fallen into the water. That, plus no doubt the odd skanky tennis ball.

FOREST CAT : Norway — Officially Norway’s national cat (who knew countries had those?), it’s thought to have travelled on Viking longships, serving in a rat-catching role. Also ridiculously good at climbing.

CHIHUAHUA : Mexico — This tiny breed dates back to the Aztecs, who reckoned it could steer the souls of the dead through the underworld (it could probably wake them as well). Named after the actual state of Chihuahua, which ironically is Mexico’s biggest.

AKITA : Japan — Named after a Japanese prefecture, these dogs are a big deal in Japan. When a child is born, it’s customary to buy the parents a little Akita statue, to bring health and happiness. I’ve seen one on Amazon for £10.99 but it looks rubbish.

SPANIEL : Spain — As the Oxford English Dictionary confirms, the word Spaniel comes from the old French word Espaigneul, which means Spanish dog. So, yes, your Spaniel is definitely supporting Spain, no doubt about that. Or possibly France.

CANARY : Spain — The Canary Islands are Spanish, so this one seems pretty obvious. But funnily enough the islands were actually named after dogs, from the Latin word “canis”.

BELGIAN MALINOIS : Belgium — Named after the Belgian city of Mechelen, the Malinois is now the breed of choice for police and military forces worldwide. Fun fact: a Malinois is said to have been part of the team that eliminated Osama Bin Laden.

RABBIT : Spain — With the possible exception of the bull community, animals seem to love the Spanish. Here’s yet another species they’ve got on their side, our domestic bunnies having descended from the European rabbit native to the Iberian Peninsula.

BERNESE MOUNTAIN DOG : Switzerland — Bred in the Swiss canton of Berne, these were originally used to guard farm livestock and to pull carts of cheese and butter to market. Hugely good natured and reliable. On no account to be rewarded with Toblerone.

LABRADOODLE : Australia — While the Labrador is Canadian-ish and the Poodle is French, the Labradoodle was invented in Australia. It was created in 1989 by breeder Wally Conron, looking to produce a hypoallergenic guide dog.

GOLDFISH : Japan — The goldfish was first domesticated in China over 1,000 years ago. Sadly, China aren’t at this World Cup, so Japan is likely to get his support by proximity. Or, given his lousy memory, he may take a look at his kit and assume he’s Dutch.