‘I’ve slept with a whole lot of ladies – I’m terrified to inform my new lady my physique depend’
If you have a problem that needs solving and you don’t know where to turn, look no further.
Every day, the Daily Star’s very own agony aunt Jane O’Gorman is on hand to tackle your issues and concerns with some straight-talking but sound advice.
From bedroom confessions to self-confidence issues , drug use and everything else, Jane has helped thousands of Daily Star readers over the years and isn’t slowing down.
If you want help, you can write to Just Jane, Daily Star, One Canada Square, London, E145AP or email [email protected]. Please note that Jane cannot respond to individual letters and not all problems will be published.
Slippery slope
I’ve slept with hundreds of women but am too frightened to tell my new girlfriend the truth.
I’m afraid that she’ll think I’m a slut.
The reality is that I worked as a holiday rep, a DJ and chalet host all through my twenties. Summer seasons in the sun and winter seasons on the slopes. Let’s just say that I met a lot of women along the way…The other day my girl sat me down and confessed that she’s heard rumours about my past.
She said that she needed to know everything about me. I tried to change the subject, but she refused to let me off the hook. Then she announced that I’m only the second person she’s had regular sex with. Gulp. The problem is that I’ve had more lovers than pairs of underpants.
She went on to explain that, even though she’s in her late twenties, she’s always held back from having sex, because she was determined to find the right person.
Apparently, I’m him. I’m her perfect man; the fella she’s finally chosen to commit to. There’s no way that I’m good enough for her. I’m damaged goods. I had no idea that she was so innocent when we first got together. As far as I was concerned, she was just another conquest.
Does she deserve to know the truth about my sordid past? Am I doing her disservice by keeping it from her? The problem is that I’m a naturally outgoing person with a very strong personality. I fear that if I don’t tell the truth about my lovers, and my former, wild, life, then someone else almost certainly will. What’s my best move?
JANE SAYS: Maybe your sexual history isn’t ideal, but there’s nothing you can do about the sheer numbers of former lovers now. What’s done is done.
Just because your girlfriend chose to save herself, doesn’t mean that she’s got the upper hand or is superior. You and she are two, totally different people with different urges and codes of conduct. It’s up to you what you wish to divulge. I don’t think you should lie, or make excuses but, equally, I don’t think you should overly defend yourself either, because your life before her is not her problem.
What’s more important and relevant is the life you are planning to live from now on. If you’re no longer playing the field (beach and slopes) and have no intention of cheating on her, then surely that should be good enough?
Go to your GP and ask for a full sexual check-up, just to make sure that you’re in good health. Then vow only to have safe, loving sex again in the future. Whether you and your current girl go the distance is up in the air, but you can’t allow this question to become a ‘niggle’ between you.
Shut it down as soon as possible and get on with enjoying yourselves. Sadly, if she’s not able to get past your ghosts, then she’s clearly not the right person for you to plan your future with. Can she tell you why she was attracted to you in the first place? Does she think she can handle your history without criticising or judging?
Trouble maker
My older sister’s sarcastic comments are getting on everyone’s wick. From the minute she turns up she starts on about how lazy my children are.
I dash around keeping the peace. As a result, they now hate her guts. I don’t need this, especially as our other sister no longer allows her in her home for the same reason.
JANE SAYS: You have told your sister ‘enough’. If all she’s doing is making a tense situation even worse, then she’s not helping at all. Remind her that this is your house and, even though it makes not look like it, that you do have things under control.
Point out that she is in danger of isolating herself completely. Is she unhappy? Does she need support for mental health issues?
