‘He desires to go dogging – I do not fancy exposing myself to strangers on the widespread’

If you have a problem that needs solving and you don’t know where to turn, look no further.

Every day, the Daily Star’s very own agony aunt Jane O’Gorman is on hand to tackle your issues and concerns with some straight-talking but sound advice.

If you want help, you can write to Just Jane, Daily Star, One Canada Square, London, E145AP or email [email protected]. Please note that Jane cannot respond to individual letters and not all problems will be published.

Dog eared

My partner thinks that dogging will save our relationship.

He says we need to ‘get out there’. Push back boundaries and feel the wind in our hair…

He believes we’ve hit a sexual wall; that we’ve become complacent and boring.

He wants to use the camper van, currently parked on his mum’s drive, to broaden our horizons.

This is something he and his ex-partner did a lot pre-Covid. He boasts he had some of the best orgasms of his life performing for other people; that crowds came from far and wide to watch them at it. When I point out that his partner left him for a much richer man she performed for on the local common, he insists that’s not important.

He asks me to remember all the fun times we had when we first got together; the risks we took and the different places we made love. He loves to remember a party we attended where we got drunk and crept into a garden office/studio. We shagged all night.

It was only when we woke up the next morning that we realised that two other people had also crashed out in the same space and had seen and heard everything. They were furious. It was hilarious.

I’m the first to admit that our first summer was crazy.

We were newly in love and out of control, but I’m not that person anymore. I’ve stopped drinking and I’m sober and sensible. How do I make him understand that I’m ready to move on; that I don’t want to play silly games anymore and, if anything, feel slightly ashamed of what I did in the past. I’m not a naturally outgoing person. I’m not sure that this dogging lark is for me, but he says I owe it to him to give it a whirl. Do I?

JANE SAYS: Everyone is entitled to grow up and move in a new direction. Of course, you enjoyed some wild times during your honeymoon period; you were full of life and didn’t feel that anything could touch you. You threw off your inhibitions, you behaved like a couple of loved-up fools, and you took risks. It was an exhilarating and fun period.

But life has moved on and your relationship has settled down – as most relationships invariably do.

It’s one thing spicing up a boring love life with some saucy underwear, a bottle of baby oil and a few sex toys, but dogging? Really? Your partner must hear that no means no. He’s asking too much of you.

Maybe he and his ex-partner did have some wild times (before she ran off with someone else) but you are not her.

These days you’re sober, you’re working hard and you’re aware of your greater responsibilities.

Maybe sex with your partner, in the privacy of your own bedroom, has become predictable.

But is taking it outside really the answer? What about the risks? What about your reputation?

What else can the two of you do to relight the fire? Don’t allow yourself to be coerced into doing something you’re not comfortable with simply for the sake of a quiet life. Sounds like that camper van needs to stay on his mother’s drive where it belongs.

Walter Mitty

My oldest mate keeps winding me up. She constantly posts stuff on social media about the fantastic stuff she does when I’m out with my boyfriend. The parties, the nightclubs, the laughs; her life is a social whirl behind my back.

Her Facebook page is a joke; all name dropping, in-jokes and boasts. But I’m not sure that she tells the truth. How come I’ve never met any of her achingly trendy mates? And how come she’s always asking to borrow money from me? I used to think she was genuine and funny. But I can’t help thinking that she’s turning into a fantasist.

How best to trap and expose her?

JANE SAYS: Clearly, this woman is so jealous of your relationship with your boyfriend that she’ll go to any lengths to get your attention.

It’s always sad when we realise that folk are making up stories to make themselves seem more popular, rich, exciting, desirable etc. If anything, you are now beginning to view your mate as desperate.

I don’t think this is about trapping and exposing her, because what would that achieve?

You need to tell her that you don’t play these kinds of games. Are you interested in giving her more of your time and attention as a mate? Is she willing to grow up and stop being so provocative?

Invasion of privacy

I caught my boyfriend chatting to a sex worker via a web cam. I couldn’t stop myself from listening in. Some of the stuff he was saying was disgusting.

He was in his room in his flat share. He was playing with himself and suggesting she do all sorts of things – for a price. He was boasting about fancying two of my mates and wanting a threesome.

I stormed in and he accused ME of invading his privacy.

Now I don’t know where I stand. He’s saying that he’s willing to forgive me if I promise never to breathe a word of this to anyone. How does that work when I’m the injured party?

JANE SAYS: I suggest you go back to your boyfriend to explain that you’re puzzled by his behaviour. Why did he feel the need to engage with this sex worker?

What about the things he was saying – especially about having sex with people you know?

The ball is in his court. Is he serious about your relationship? That said; I’m sure that there are plenty of things that you do to annoy him, so have that out with him too. I agree that he does have a point about expecting privacy in his own room, in his own flat share.

Golden girls

I’ve always lived my life in my successful sister’s shadow. She excelled at school and now runs her own business.

Anything I attempt pales into insignificance. Recently, I overhead our Dad and Mum describe her as ‘our golden girl’. So, what does that make me? The major disappointment? The annoying thing is that my sister is also generous and kind.

JANE SAYS: Accept that you are an individual with strengths and talents of your own. The next time your parents praise your sister, tell them how much that hurts you. Give them a chance to speak. I bet you’ll find that they love you both equally and are proud of every achievement. Don’t be tempted to blow this out of all proportion. Be yourself and live your own life.