‘My merciless ex cheated on me with our neighbour and escorts – I’m glad she’s lifeless’

If you have a problem that needs solving and you don’t know where to turn, look no further.

Every day, the Daily Star’s very own agony aunt Jane O’Gorman is on hand to tackle your issues and concerns with some straight-talking but sound advice.

From bedroom confessions to self-confidence issues , drug use and everything else, Jane has helped thousands of Daily Star readers over the years and isn’t slowing down.

If you want help, you can write to Just Jane, Daily Star, One Canada Square, London, E145AP or email [email protected]. Please note that Jane cannot respond to individual letters and not all problems will be published.

Ding dong

My ex-wife was vile. She was selfish, manipulative and cruel. She died last March and I don’t care. We didn’t have children together and she made our 12-year marriage a living hell.

Her parents are besides themselves with grief, but I can’t pretend to be upset. Her mother keeps banging on about how decent and loving she was, but nothing could be further from the truth.

She was a liar and a cheat.

She was someone who stole and deliberately made the lives of others a misery. She got a kick out of causing trouble. She used to boast that she was known as The Ball Breaker at work – and revelled in it.

She ran her own business and thought nothing of sabotaging rival businesses, stealing ideas and ripping off clients.

At home she treated me like an idiot. She had many affairs during our time together and gloated whenever I found out. She got a perverse sense of satisfaction from humiliating me. More than once I found other men in our bed and it was an open secret that she went to the guy three doors down for sex whenever I was out of town.

On top of that I know she used the services of male escorts whenever she fancied a thrill.

Now I’ve got her family weeping about missing her. Maybe I should tell them the truth?

Yes, it was tragic that she died, but maybe she bought everything on herself?

It’s very hard to muster up any sympathy when she was so utterly horrible and we hadn’t lived together for three years when she died.

JANE SAYS: The woman is gone. She can’t defend herself. Holding onto hatred isn’t doing you any good.

Don’t rubbish your late wife in front of her family because that’s not fair. What purpose would that serve? She’s dead and they’re entitled to remember her anyway they see fit. Maybe she was a nightmare, but it’s over now.

You have your version of events and, clearly, other people have theirs. Telling her parents your story won’t accomplish anything except to make you look nasty and vindictive. The chances are that they know precisely what she was really like; presumably they lived with her all throughout her younger life. Maybe the apple didn’t fall far from the tree and they’re not exactly honest and upstanding people themselves?

But they’re still her parents. They’re still allowed to be upset and to grieve – if only to mourn what she could have been. I wonder if you’re more upset by this death than you’re letting on. Clearly, you’ve had a big shock and you’re still reeling. Don’t be too quick to bounce back. Visit your GP if you think you’re suffering from stress and need professional help. You might also consider talking to a therapist about how she treated you and where you go from here – just to make sure that you don’t make the same mistakes, with another person, a second time around.

Only you

My boyfriend’s female boss is obsessed with him.

She’s always calling him into work on ‘urgent business’, which is just an excuse to see him.

Then there’s his gorgeous ex-girlfriend. She’s in a new relationship, but I’m convinced that she’s still in love with him. She keeps in touch because they have joint custody of their dog. My fella insists that I’m the only one for him, but I often feel second best and under siege. There always seems to another woman fluttering around him.

JANE SAYS: Sit your guy down this week and level with him. Explain that you can’t live your life looking over your shoulder. Explain that you need to be able to relax in order to function and thrive.

Is there anything he needs to tell you about his relationship with his boss? Does she act inappropriately? Does he need to speak to HR?

Does he need to look for a new job? Make it clear that you’re no mug and will not allow the wool to be pulled over your eyes. As for his ex-girlfriend, presumably this arrangement with the dog isn’t going to last forever.

But while she’s still in and out of his life, you expect him to behave. Can you trust him? Is he completely loyal to you or is there something he’d like to get off his chest?

Blame game

My father blames me for my mum going off with another man when I was three. He says I was a horrible baby.

My childhood was grim with me doing all the cooking and cleaning and him bringing endless girlfriends in the home. I was forced to leave school at 16 and give him the majority of my earnings for bed and board.

Now I’m married with children, and my Dad still thinks he is entitled to my cash and time. He’s always ordering me to drive him around and pay his bills. My husband doesn’t want him in our house anymore. What am I supposed to do?

JANE SAYS: Your relationship with your father is a deeply complex one. Are you going to allow him to drag you down forever? Would he even bother with you if not for the cash and the lifts? I suggest you tell him how it’s going to be from now on.

If he can’t treat you better and talk about his treatment of you during your childhood, then do you and he have a future? I believe that your priorities lie with your husband and family now. They must be your first concern. Have you considered counselling via your GP?

Scared to love

I keep reading about the rise of sexually transmitted infections and am terrified that I’m going to catch one. I’ve just come out of a long relationship and feel ready to start dating again. But how can I tell if a guy is infection free? My ex (of ten years) and I never cheated on each other. We grew apart. I feel completely exposed in 2026.

JANE SAYS: Medical experts say that using condoms, having fewer partners and avoiding overlapping sexual partnerships can help to reduce the risk of contracting a sexually transmitted infection. You’re right to be concerned. I suggest that you take the time to get to know any future potential partners. Build a loving and respectful relationship before committing to sex. Don’t let anyone pressurise you into giving yourself away.