Brits flock to ‘X-rated’ Bayeux Tapestry as ‘every penis coated for £8.6m’
Brits are planning to flock to the ‘X-rated’ Bayeux Tapestry after it returned to Britain at a potential cost of up to £8.6 million per penis.
More than one million people are expected to visit the historic artefact during its 10-month stay at the British Museum, which is returning to the UK for the first time in nearly 1,000 years.
The tapestry, which details the rise to power of William the Conqueror and his defeat of King Harold at the Battle of Hastings, cost “a lot of money” to bring across the Channel, according to a British Museum source. But they remained tight-lipped over the precise cost.
The section of the Bayeux Tapestry depicting the ‘arrow in the eye’ moment(Image: Jonathan Brady/PA Wire)
Estimates have put the transportation fees in the region of £1million to £2million, while the UK Government is providing indemnity cover worth more than £800million to protect the priceless artefact.
Britain already has its own full-sized copy of the famous embroidery at Reading Museum. The painstakingly accurate replica was created by the Leek Embroidery Society during the 1880s – but its makers introduced one very Victorian alteration by covering up the naked figures’ genitals.
This may sound like a small amendment, but the original tapestry boasts an impressive 93 members, with a possible 94th the subject of fierce debate among academics.
The tapestry will go in display in London(Image: Tim Merry/Staff Photographer)
Having previously been deprived of the chance to see this array of appendages, Brits can now view the genuine article in all its glory. Based on the lower transport estimate, moving it cost approximately £11,000 for every confirmed penis depicted.
If the Government’s £800million indemnity was to be divided in the same way, it would amount to around £8.6million for each member should the tapestry be damaged. A British Museum insider defended the pricey operation, saying: “There is nothing as good as the real thing.”
Special conservation and security measures are in place to ensure its safety while it is in the UK. And exhibition bosses said they hope “no-one” thinks deliberate damage is a “good idea”.
The Tapestry boasts an impressive 93 penises
Michael Lewis, one of the four curators of the exhibition, said: “I’m obviously hopeful that no-one thinks that’s a good idea. The British Museum is a very secure place and obviously things are in place to ensure that that doesn’t happen.
“But obviously this is a really precious work of art. So I really hope that people understand that and recognise that and think about that.”
He added: “Of course, it’s a very secure case that we’ve got here. It’s designed to minimise accidental damage from people knocking the case and such like, but also from liquids and things like that.
The impressive Tapestry has not been in the UK for nearly 1000 years(Image: AFP via Getty Images)
“It’s the securest case that we think we’ve got, and obviously I can’t go into details but there’s other security aspects to ensure that the tapestry is as safe as possible here.”
In a statement about the historic loan, British Museum director Nicholas Cullinan said: “It is hard to overstate the significance of this extraordinary opportunity of displaying it at the British Museum.
“The Bayeux Tapestry is one of the most important and unique cultural artefacts in the world, which illustrates the deep ties between Britain and France and has fascinated people across geographies and generations.”
The entire tapestry is on display at the British Museum (Image: AFP via Getty Images)
The 70-metre embroidery tells the story of the events surrounding the Norman Conquest through 58 scenes featuring 626 human figures and 202 horses.
Believed to have been created in England during the 11th century, it provides an extraordinarily detailed record of medieval warfare, ships, architecture, clothing and everyday life.
Its London exhibition runs from September 10, 2026, until July 11, 2027. Tickets covering the period up to December 31 have already sold out following unprecedented demand.
The tapestry is currently in the British Museum(Image: Jonathan Brady/PA Wire)
The next batch, covering visits between January 1 and March 31, 2027, will be released to the public on October 21. British Museum members will receive early access from October 6, while patrons, supporters and schools can book from September 29.
A final release covering April to July is planned for January 2027, although the precise date has not yet been announced. Adult tickets cost between £25 and £33 depending on the date and time, while children under 16 can enter free when accompanied by a paying adult. Tickets will be available through the British Museum website.
