‘Horny ex slept with my boss proper beneath my nostril – now he is taking part in the sufferer’
If you have a problem that needs solving and you don’t know where to turn, look no further.
Every day, the Daily Star’s very own agony aunt Jane O’Gorman is on hand to tackle your issues and concerns with some straight-talking but sound advice.
If you want help, you can write to Just Jane, Daily Star, One Canada Square, London, E145AP or email [email protected]. Please note that Jane cannot respond to individual letters and not all problems will be published.
Big kid
My ex-partner is making life very difficult for me.
It’s not my fault we’re employed by the same company and still must collaborate and speak at work.
He cheated on me. He had an affair with my boss under my nose. Everyone knew about them shagging in the executive toilet after drunken lunches while I cowered at my desk.
I eventually dumped him when he staggered home one night covered in love bits and red lipstick. He stank of her perfume and openly bragged that they’d just spent six hours humping in a local hotel.
Three weeks later my boss (his lover) was sacked for fiddling her expenses. (She’d been charging our firm for the boozy meals and hotel rooms). Miraculously, my ex has managed to cling on to his job with his fingernails. But it’s excruciating dealing with him every day. I was here first yet he thinks I should be the one to fall on my sword and leave.
His arrogance and self-entitlement know no bounds.
At the moment we’re supposed to be cooperating on an up-coming exhibition. There is a lot of work involved, most of which I’m doing. I’m prepared to be professional and adult but he’s acting like an ass.
If anything, it feels as though he’s deliberately working against me and sabotaging my ideas. The other day I came up with a brilliant way for generating extra funds, which he promptly claimed at his own. Then he rubbished my other ideas in front of our most important client. I’ve done nothing wrong and am prepared to let bygones be bygones. He cheated and humiliated me and we split, yet he’s the one acting like the injured party. Why can’t he simply be professional and allow me to get on with my job without this point scoring and nastiness?
JANE SAYS: No one would blame you for feeling hurt and disappointed. Sadly, your ex-partner messed around and chose to behave like an oaf. Now he’s single again and it wouldn’t hurt him to treat you with respect and kindness, only he’s being defensive and obnoxious.
Hold your nerve and don’t allow him to drive you out. Why should you feel awkward when you’ve done absolutely nothing wrong? I suggest you start keeping a professional diary. Write down everything that annoys and upsets you from now on. The bottom line is that you can’t hold back due to a spark of misplayed loyalty because you no longer owe him anything. These days he is simply another colleague; one who needs to sharpen up and pull his weight. Don’t be worried about reporting him to a higher authority if you now feel he’s going out of his way to bring you down and drive you out. There’s no denying that these next few weeks and months are going to be embarrassing and tough, but I can’t imagine that any of your other colleagues are terribly impressed with him either; his (bad) behaviour must have impacted them too. My guess is that he’ll take off to pastures new some time soon and then he’ll be out of your hair for good.
Then you will be able to breathe again.
Trust issues
I’m flying out to Ireland soon for work.
My boss wants me to help set up a new office and I’ll be there for at least six weeks.
My boyfriend is a fun guy, but a terrible flirt.
He has a colourful sexual history. From servicing older women as a ‘toy boy for hire’ to living on a free-love commune in the States, he’s seen and done it all.
He insists, that’s all behind him now. He swears that he’s turned over a new leaf. He is urging me to go on my trip because I can trust him. But his own sister says I’d be a fool to give him an inch.
Who do I listen to?
JANE SAYS: Your career is important, and it sounds as if you’re going places – literally. You can’t allow this guy to distract you. He might be exciting but is he worth the effort?
Is he so great that you’re determined to stick with him? If the answer is ‘yes’, then he needs to hear that he’s got a lot of proving to do. Tell him that you want to take things slowly because you are determined to protect yourself. If he’s serious about you, then he needs to prove that with honesty and total transparency. He also needs to explain why he felt compelled to live such an outrageous life before.
Horny bunk ups
I have thing going on with my sister’s bloke.
I can’t keep my hands off him.
He’s a personal trainer. He comes round here twice a week. I’m trying to get fit for my sister’s wedding. I’m the chief bridesmaid and he’s giving me a very generous ‘mates rate’. But five minutes of push ups inevitably turn into 55 minutes of bunk ups…
During these snatched moments of passion, we tear each other apart. He’s a fantastic lover who always makes me scream. I find it hard to resist him when he’s such a hunk. Yes, I’m beginning to look fantastic, but the guilt is tearing me apart.
JANE SAYS: You must start taking responsibility for yourself. Stay away from your future brother-in-law. Tell him that his professional services are no longer required because this is not a game. Your sister trusts you to be on her side. Every time you bonk her man you let yourself, and her down.
This all sounds like a terrible can of worms from where I’m sitting. Do you need to confide in other family members about this bloke’s true nature? Does your sister need to be warned before she walks down that aisle? I believe she needs to be protected.
Joined at the hip
My girlfriend insists we do everything together.
She doesn’t like me seeing family or friends without her in tow. I’m not even permitted to go up to bed without her. She expects me to wait while she finishes watching her programmes even when I’m exhausted.
Once in bed, I’m not allowed to deny her sex if she’s feeling horny. Whatever happened to my views?
JANE SAYS: This relationship doesn’t sound equal or respectful. Why is your girl so addicted to calling the shots? Is she insecure or spoilt? Does she think she owns you? Saying ‘no’ to sex is your right. Talk to her about a new way forward. Make it clear that you need to spread your wings in order to be yourself. Denying you sleep and freedom is downright controlling and cruel.
