‘He’s a dirty cheat who slept along with his ex earlier than our marriage ceremony but desires one other likelihood’

If you have a problem that needs solving and you don’t know where to turn, look no further.

Every day, the Daily Star’s very own agony aunt Jane O’Gorman is on hand to tackle your issues and concerns with some straight-talking but sound advice.

If you want help, you can write to Just Jane, Daily Star, One Canada Square, London, E145AP or email [email protected]. Please note that Jane cannot respond to individual letters and not all problems will be published.

Rutting goat

My estranged husband has cheated on me for the entirety of our relationship.

He slept with his ex-girlfriend the night before our wedding and the day after we returned from our honeymoon. He bedded half a dozen neighbours in our old house and conducted several affairs with colleagues in his last job.

Now he’s asking if we can try again.

He knows that I’ve read his diaries and quizzed his friends. He knows that he’s on the ropes and is worried about being alone. I’m beyond angry and upset. Our entire time together has been a sham and a lie. Every Christmas, birthday and holiday has been a joke because he’s always had someone else on his mind. I now realise that all of those ‘emergency work meetings’ on Boxing Day mornings were an excuse for him to dash off and jump into bed with a love rival.

Can I really forgive 10 years of fibs, tall stories, and elaborate excuses?

He claims he was driven by booze; that alcohol made him horny and made him behave like a rutting goat.

He’s promised to give up the drink and only take water in future. When I point out that he didn’t drink alcohol between 2023-24 because of a stomach problem (yet, according to his diaries was still cheating) he turns on the waterworks and accuses ME of being cruel unforgiving. How does that work?

My heart is broken, and my confidence crushed. I thought we had a good life together. I never once suspected or doubted him, even when he disappeared for days on end or couldn’t contact me because his phone was playing up… How can I ever have him back in my bed?

JANE SAYS: You have to ask yourself if there’s anything worth saving. Do you even know this man or what makes him tick? If he has always cheated on you – if that’s his ‘normal’ – then how can you trust him now?

You’ve been together for many years, yet nothing has been true. From the lies and the booze to the secret affairs, the fabric of your relationship is tissue thin. Now he’s been found out – and banged to rights – and is promising to change, but isn’t it all too little, too late? Understandably he’s attempting to save is bacon with a massive damage limitation job, but was he ever going to tell you the truth himself? What if you hadn’t found those diaries or quizzed his friends? Would you still be in the dark?

He sounds a very devious, selfish, and manipulative person to me. Who turns on the waterworks when confronted and embarrassed? Who accuses his wronged partner of being ‘cruel and unforgiving’ when you’ve done nothing wrong? That said, if he feels you have done something thing wrong, then encourage him to spit it out. Is he blaming you for his alcohol consumption and affairs? It’s often said that there are two sides to every story. What is his story? Where did you and he go so badly wrong? Start talking and don’t allow him to silence you or talk you down. Personally, I don’t see how you can come back from this. Surely too much has gone down for a genuine reconciliation.

Self love

I masturbate every day. Does that make me an addict?

I’m currently single. I have a demanding job and don’t have time for a relationship.

My ex and I enjoyed a healthy sex life. We always enjoyed masturbating together – it was one of our things. Now he’s with someone else. I often feel guilty – and ashamed – for touching myself with my fingers or a sex toy.

JANE SAYS: You entitled to do anything you like within the privacy of your bedroom. You don’t have to answer to anyone and must never feel guilty or ashamed. If masturbation satisfies you and keeps you sane then that’s absolutely fine.

When you’re ready, perhaps you’ll look for love again. Work is necessary but it’s always important to carve out a decent work/life balance.