‘I’m hooked on my filthy father-in-law – he is a complete beast within the bed room’
If you have a problem that needs solving and you don’t know where to turn, look no further.
Every day, the Daily Star’s very own agony aunt Jane O’Gorman is on hand to tackle your issues and concerns with some straight-talking but sound advice.
If you want help, you can write to Just Jane, Daily Star, One Canada Square, London, E145AP or email [email protected]. Please note that Jane cannot respond to individual letters and not all problems will be published.
Big and buff
My father-in-law is a horrible man, but he’s brilliant in bed. I hate myself for loving him.
My husband and I are currently estranged. He’s living at the other end of the country while we give each other space. I’m supposed to be deciding if I want to stay with him after my problems with money and his issues with booze. But I’m hugely distracted. The problem is that his father is so darn attractive. He’s big and buff and doesn’t give a stuff about anyone else. Every time he scoops me up in his massive arms I melt. He was in the Navy as a younger man and has been married and divorced twice. Let’s just say there’s not much that he doesn’t know about making a girl scream…
We got together one afternoon when he came over to fix my washing machine. He seduced me over the kitchen counter, and we’ve been bonking every day since.
I know what we’re doing is wrong – and feel guilty about it, but he couldn’t care less. He’s of the ‘what the eye doesn’t see, the heart doesn’t grieve over’ school of justification. The attraction is so strong that we’re like addicts for each other. Sex with him is so much better than with my husband who can be unimaginative.
My hubby is coming down next month for a pre-arranged heart-to-heart. We’re meeting on neutral ground at a boutique hotel. He’s going to book a room – no pressure – and if we decide we still fancy each other, then we’ll use it. But I don’t want to have sex with my husband when it’s his bear of a dad that I Iong for.
If my husband or other family members find out about our fling, then I know that there will be hell to pay.
This thing could rip our family apart, but what am I supposed to do when every fibre of my being years for rough, tough, horny HIM?
JANE SAYS: Your father-in-law may well be sexy and addictive, but nothing gives you the green light to cheat. This whole game has to stop right here before lives are destroyed and your whole family is ripped apart.
The fact is that your and your husband are on a break for a very good reason; your marriage had hit a wall due to his drinking and your spending. You are supposed to be reflecting and thinking. He is trusting you to behave yourself in his absence. You betray him every time you go to bed with his Dad.
The old man might have lived a colourful life and not have much of a conscience, but you should know better. This is not a game. You’re playing with fire. You could lose everything.
I urge you to sober up and distance yourself from your father-in-law. Make it clear that you can’t see him again. Rock up to your pre-arranged meeting with your husband and be an adult about discussing your problems and the future.
Leave that hotel room empty by keeping sex off the menu too… Obviously there’s also the question of whether you come clean with your husband and tell him the absolute truth. Over to you on that one.
I fear that if you don’t tell him, then someone else will – maybe even his own ego-driven father…
From everything you tell me, I wouldn’t put it past him.
Unwelcome comments
Even though I’m married and have a young family my mum constantly criticises my parenting skills, cooking, and marriage. She berates me for feeding my children pasta and making my husband do the washing up.
Every time she comes round (which is most days) my heart sinks. I feel I have to explain and justify everything I do and it’s exhausting.
She oversteps the mark by telling my children off then leaves just as I need help bathing them and putting them to bed.
I resent being branded lazy and feel it’s totally unjustified. My friends are kind and understanding whereas my own mum acts like my enemy. Why is this?
JANE SAYS: I urge you to stand up for yourself and and show your teeth. You’re an adult and a parent and you don’t have to put up with your mother’s negative comments a minute more.
What is her problem? Is she jealous? Bored? Tricky?
Get her on her own, away from the children, and insist that she explains herself. At the moment she’s draining your energy and wearing you down. Point out that you have a huge amount to do, on a limited income just like most people. If she’s not prepared to help out, then maybe she should only visit when invited in future?
It’s not your job to provide somewhere for her to simply hang out.
Stale mate
My partner and I have been a couple for many years, but I can’t work out what the future holds.
We don’t live or holiday together. I like the sun, so stay with my mate in Menorca, while he likes fishing in cold climates.
We don’t go to pubs or restaurants, as I can’t stand crowds and he doesn’t like spending money. All we do is eat curry and watch television, here, three times a week. He never asks me what I do when we’re apart and has no curiosity about my family or my work. As for sex? Forget it. Is it even worth us carrying on?
JANE SAYS: Turn off that TV and insist on some significant changes. Tell your partner that you crave an active, spontaneous relationship as the current arrangement is restrictive and boring. Admit that you’re equally to blame as it can be very easy to fall into a rut. Sadly, if he’s not up for being more open and flexible, then you’ll have to think of moving on. What you can’t do is become increasingly frustrated – or even bitter – and start taking that anger out on him. What kind of life do you crave? Draw up a list and it happen, or you’ll regret it forever.
Hands off
My crush refuses to have sex with me because she doesn’t like her naked body. She says that losing a lot of weight has left her saggy and embarrassed. I don’t care about that stuff. We’ve snogged a few times, but she won’t allow me to touch her under her clothes. What’s going on?
JANE SAYS: Your friend has to know that she can trust you not to judge or ridicule. This may take some time. Back off. Give her all the space she needs. Concentrate on spending time together and having fun.
Suggest she speaks to her GP to find out what could be done for her. it might be that she has to start saving up for an operation if the NHS consider her problem a cosmetic one.
