Andy Burnham below stress as spoon bending psychic vows to take his job

With a pint costing you an arm and a leg, a severe housing crisis and public services at breaking point, it feels as though the Britain we know and love is vanishing before our eyes.

Well, it does if you’re a 79-year-old spoon bender by the name of Uri Geller, who told the Star that he reckons the UK is in a state of decline. What’s more, the outspoken psychic believes he could be the man to turn things around.

Speaking exclusively to the Daily Star, Geller warned that he fears Britain could be “finished” unless some dramatic new policies are brought in.

Geller, whose outlandish claims include that extra-terrestrial beings gave him the power to bend metal and teleport dogs through walls, believes that the biggest threats to the UK come from overseas, and that the UK’s “air force, navy and army” need to wake up.

He said: “I’m trying to awaken you guys. England has to avoid decline.”

The psychic said that he has used his powers to discover more about the people trying to bring down Great Britain, explaining that “because of [his] powers” he has discovered that foreign agents have been planted, MI5 “are racing against time to stop an atrocity.”

Speaking directly to the people of Britain, Geller called on the UK to “wake up” and stop its own decline. However, if we do need some outside help, the cutlery controller reckons he knows the mystic for the job.

He explained: “I know what the solution is. I’ll come back to England, and I’ll become the Prime Minister. . . I already have the British passport”.

For those desperate to see some spoon bending in Number 10, Geller did admit that, despite being keen for the job, he would have to cull a few commitments first as he is already “very busy already”.

And if anyone is unconvinced by Geller’s political chops, or his psychic abilities in general, he advices anyone to “do their research”.

He explained: “I’ve been tested. MI5 and MI6. They both validated my powers.”