‘He refuses to the touch me – he is solely taken with lone pleasure’

JUST JANE: Today our agony aunt Jane O’Gorman is dealing with a new issue from a Daily Star reader who was shocked to discover a sleazy haul at the back of the wardrobe

JUST JANE by Jane O’Gorman

If you have a problem that needs solving and you don’t know where to turn, look no further.

Every day, the Daily Star’s very own agony aunt Jane O’Gorman is on hand to tackle your issues and concerns with some straight-talking but sound advice.

If you want help, you can write to Just Jane, Daily Star, One Canada Square, London, E145AP or email [email protected]. Please note that Jane cannot respond to individual letters and not all problems will be published.

Hands solo

I was putting my partner’s shirts away. I dropped a hanger and realised there was something wedged at the back of his wardrobe.

I fiddled around and discovered several huge sex toys wrapped in a plastic bag.

I know he isn’t having an affair, but I think he is using them on himself for his own pleasure. How dare he? He stopped having sex with me years ago.

JANE SAYS: Your partner is entitled to his privacy and personal pleasure. But if you feel short-changed in the bedroom, then you need to ask him why he’s been avoiding you.

Ask him for an adult chat regarding the lack of action in your marriage.

Don’t be tempted to wave his sex toys under his nose but do make it clear that you’re upset and frustrated. What can change? Why does he no longer crave your body? Is he interested in relationship counselling?

Dodgy dealings

I came home from work and went to put my tools away in the garage only to find stacks of boxes in there.

I asked my wife about them and she admitted that they belonged to a relative of hers who is a bit of a ‘dodgy geezer’ in the Del Boy mold. I did more than load the boxes into my van and deliver them back to the man.

He was furious. Now my wife’s parents aren’t speaking to me. They’re angry that the relative is upset. They rely on him for free holidays and lavish parties and have accused me of being mean and disrespectful. How does that work?

JANE SAYS: Make it clear that you have no desire to fall out with anyone but won’t be taken advantage of. What was in those boxes? Something illegal?

Why can’t your concerned in-laws store them at their place? Call a truce. Accept you may not always see eye-to-eye with everyone, but you will not be made a fool of – by anyone.

High flying adored

I always accused my ex-boyfriend of being a control freak. I screamed at him when he dared to ask where I was going and what time I’d be back.

Now I realise that he loved me. He used to sit up all night or offer to pick me up because he was worried – and I treated him appallingly.

I feel so ashamed. I was a cheating brat during the whole of our five years together. He finally left the day he caught me in a threesome with two guys from my work. We were all in bed together. I laughed when he walked in. I was proud of myself. I didn’t care that he was hurt and humiliated. He left that night, and I went on the razz in celebration. Well, I’m not celebrating now. I’m lonely, cold, and broke. It’s only now that I understand how much he looked after me and how many bills he paid.

Not so long ago I was a highflyer. I had a great job and didn’t care about anyone. I was friends with a group of colleagues who partied hard.

They got me into drinking too much and taking recreational drugs. Nights out with them were wild with lots of sex in some very shady haunts. We sometimes went straight from a club or hotel into work again. I once wore the same clothes three days running.

When a round of redundancies were announced, my name was top of the list because my boss said he couldn’t trust me. I told him to stick it and walked out.

Now I’m facing my loneliest year ever – and I’ve only got myself to blame. Even my own family say I’m an embarrassment. My parents and siblings aren’t talking to me after I made a (drunken) scene at my aunt’s funeral.

Three of my ex-colleagues have set up a new business and it’s obvious they’re not interested in employing me because no one is returning my calls. Why am I such a mess?

JANE SAYS: Understandably you’re feeling lost and rotten right now, but you have no choice but to rise up. Stop looking for excuses and work out how you’re going to start building bridges. Count your blessings – because you do have some – and make a list of everyone you’ve upset. Then go and see people individually and apologise for being a brat. Own up to your failings and ask for forgiveness. Some people will, inevitably, tell you to get stuffed, but you’ll just have to take that on the chin.

Obviously, your family are the most important people. Your disrespectful behaviour at your late aunt’s funeral must have been horrendous to behold.

None of us like saying ‘sorry’ because it’s humiliating, but it’s got to be done. As for your ex-boyfriend, I very much doubt if he’s interested in seeing you again, but it wouldn’t hurt to send him a letter of apology.

I’m not pretending that any of this is going to be easy, but what is the alternative? You owe it to yourself to wipe the slate clean and start again.

Do you need to speak to your GP regarding your drinking or is that now under control? Forgive yourself and start applying for new positions with confidence and determination. The ‘new you’ is born today.