‘I’m attractive and wish to bonk my girlfriend each evening however she simply tells me to rush up’
Dear Jane,
Fobbed off
I don’t understand my girlfriend.
Sometimes, I’m telling her about my day, and she looks bored stiff. I catch her with a faraway look in her eye or even stifling a yawn… We go to bed for sex and she urges me to ‘hurry up’. She gushes that she can’t wait for me to ravish her, but I suspect she can’t wait for me to orgasm and get off her so that she can go to sleep.
Does she genuinely love me or am I just a stop-gap guy? She swears she enjoys spending time with me and that I turn her on, but I struggle to read her.
We’re just back from a week in Barbados, which was warm and wonderful. I wanted to make love all the time, but she kept fobbing me off. There was no spontaneity or passion. It felt like she had decided beforehand that I was going to get seven bonks, one a day, and she was simply going through motions.
I can’t help questioning whether she’s with me for the right reasons i.e., she loves and respects me or simply because I’m a good provider.
There’s no denying that she’s a lot more relaxed and funny with her old friends. Any time she organises a meal or drink with the people she grew up with, it’s like looking at a different person.
Sometimes I hear her joking about her previous boyfriends and all the naughty things she did as a teenager and young twenty-something and it’s alien to me.
Should I be grateful for the gorgeous woman on my arm, or should I be listening to the little voice that’s telling me she’s simply out for what she can get? I hate the expression ‘gold digger’.
JANE SAYS: Most of us grow up and calm down to a certain extent. You need to look at the woman in front of you and decide for yourself if this is the person you wish to share your life with. Is she interested in you? Do you share enough dreams, hopes and goals?
You need to remember that your partner isn’t going to be the same excitable person that her friends remember as a teenager or twenty something. Old stories are precisely that ‘old’ stories – probably with a bit of spin added for dramatic effect. Sadly, if she genuinely seems to be going through the motions because she views you as a good financial bet, then that’s not good enough. Clearly, you’re looking for someone who looks excited to see you, who genuinely has your best interests at heart.
I think it’s unrealistic to expect mind blowing sex every time you fall into bed together but if the love, you’re currently experiencing simply isn’t good enough for you – if you don’t believe her heart’s in it – then you’re entitled to ask why. Can she tell you how she’s feeling? How might you both spice up your sex life?
Are you doing anything to annoy or frustrate her? How, in her eyes, could this relationship be made better?
Ultimately, it’s completely up to you whether you stay or go but, at least give her the chance to explain herself.
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