‘Boyfriend solely desires me for intercourse – he isn’t eager about love or romance’

JUST JANE: Today our agony aunt Jane O’Gorman is dealing with a new issue from a Daily Star reader who is frustrated by her dream guy’s lack of imagination away from the bedroom

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If you have a problem that needs solving and you don’t know where to turn, look no further.

Every day, the Daily Star’s very own agony aunt Jane O’Gorman is on hand to tackle your issues and concerns with some straight-talking but sound advice.

From bedroom confessions to self-confidence issues , drug use and everything else, Jane has helped thousands of Daily Star readers over the years and isn’t slowing down.

If you want help, you can write to Just Jane, Daily Star, One Canada Square, London, E145AP or email [email protected]. Please note that Jane cannot respond to individual letters and not all problems will be published.

One trick pony

My cocky boyfriend only wants me for sex.

The day he asked me out was the happiest of my life. I imagined us going on romantic dates, snuggling up in front of roaring fires, and planning a fantastic life together. But what I didn’t expect was his total obsession with sex and his complete disregard for my feelings and needs. Sadly, he’s a one trick pony.

If I’m feeling poorly, then he texts me to say that he won’t bother coming round because; “It’s not worth it”. In other words; if I’m not available to make love, then he’s not interested in making any kind of effort. My friend says that I should dump him because he’s a user and a jerk. But I’m so embarrassed because I’ve fancied him for years and shouted it from the rooftops when we finally became a couple.

I’m worried that people will now think I’m a joke. Besides, what if I dump him and one of my mates goes on to grab him from under my nose? I couldn’t stand to think of him with someone else.

He sexts me all day long and expects kinky, explicit replies and pics. He comes over most nights, and we make out for hours. I’m not complaining about the sex because it’s fantastic and beyond my wildest dreams, it’s just that our ‘relationship’ begins and ends in my bed. Any time I suggest the pub or a restaurant or a party, he says “Nah, not bothered”. Yet I know he goes drinking with his mates any time he isn’t with me.

The other weekend I had to go to my cousin’s hen on the South Coast.

He managed to hit three clubs, two parties and a wedding in the forty-eight hours I was away. Yet, when I suggest the pictures, he says he’d rather see me naked instead. In some ways I’m flattered but in others I’m insulted.

JANE SAYS: Your boyfriend sounds appalling.

Your friend is right; he is a user and sleaze ball. I understand that, initially, you made a huge play for this creep and now feel silly for seeing him in a whole new light, but you’re not bound to him forever.

We’re all allowed to admit that we’ve made a mistake. If one of your mates does go on to date him after you then good luck to them, because they’ll obviously need it.

My feeling is that you’d be so much better off without him because you’re not happy, you’re not satisfied and you’re not being true to yourself.

How can you know a person until you’ve spent some quality time with them?

Now, that you know him better, you finally realise that he’s about as interesting as a plank of wood. That’s fine. You and he have nothing in common and he’s not what you’re looking for, so admit defeat and move on.

What do you care what other people think? If anything, he’s the loser for being such a lump.

I suggest you brush yourself off, make it clear to him that you and he have no future and start afresh. You’ll have much better sex in future with someone you love and respect. Why shouldn’t you enjoy those romantic dates and evenings by the fire after all?

Dummy run

My new girlfriend has no sexual technique.

She just lays there like a dummy.

She never bothers with foreplay or sexy talk and never takes the initiative. I’m always showering her with kisses and compliments but get nothing in return.

The other night I told her that I’d love her to seduce me for a change. I suggested a little role-reversal and saucy game playing. Her response? ‘Don’t be so stupid’.

I find her such hard work. What’s the solution, when she doesn’t think we have a problem?

JANE SAYS: I suspect your girlfriend lacks confidence. If she was sexually inexperienced when you met or her last lover wasn’t encouraging or imaginative, then it could be that the poor woman doesn’t have any skills to draw on. You and she have only known each other a short while, yet you already feel as though you’re doing all the work and aren’t getting very much in return. If you’ve got the energy and inclination, then vow to go right back to basics. Organise some early nights and take intercourse right off the menu. Lead by example. Offer your girlfriend an oily massage and encourage her to please you too. Show her what you like and ask her to be honest about her needs. Sadly, if she just doesn’t get it, then maybe you and her are not destined to be.

Getting away with it

My new partner lets her teenage sons get away with murder. The boys (from a previous relationship) are 17 and 19 and out of control. They’re always skipping college, smoking funny stuff and getting drunk. My partner allows a constant stream of girls up into their bedrooms. It doesn’t cross her mind to lay down boundaries. She considers herself their friend. I tell her that she’s wrong and this leads to rows. She needs to be a stricter mother only she doesn’t want to be seen as a nag.

JANE SAYS: It’s always a big mistake when parents confuse nurturing with friendship. Her sons don’t need another pal. But what they do need is a strong, caring mother who isn’t afraid to draw the line and yell ‘Enough!’

It sounds like these two lads are currently floundering around; they’re skipping college and playing up because no one is bothering to show them a better way.

Tell her that you’re prepared to support her in bringing in boundaries. However, make it clear that this is her gig and you’re not prepared to be the bad guy. If she’s just not interested in initiating a fresh start, then you must think about your blood pressure and quality of life.

It’s a secret

My girlfriend’s step mum has asked me to help with her studies. She wants me to go round to her house, during the day, while my girlfriend and her dad are at work. This is to be ‘our little secret’ and I’m not to tell anyone. Does she want sex? She’s taken to texting me at all hours and her messages are becoming raunchier.

JANE SAYS: Trust your instincts. If you don’t feel comfortable with this suggestion; if you worry that the woman has an ulterior motive for getting you in her house, then tell her ‘No thanks’. She needs to understand that you are an upfront guy; you don’t lie to your girlfriend, and you don’t sneak into houses or have secrets. Do not allow yourself to be overwhelmed by anyone.