‘Girl and I bonk 4 instances an evening however her jealousy is like coping with a charging rhino’
If you have a problem that needs solving and you don’t know where to turn, look no further.
Every day, the Daily Star’s very own agony aunt Jane O’Gorman is on hand to tackle your issues and concerns with some straight-talking but sound advice.
From bedroom confessions to self-confidence issues , drug use and everything else, Jane has helped thousands of Daily Star readers over the years and isn’t slowing down.
If you want help, you can write to Just Jane, Daily Star, One Canada Square, London, E145AP or email [email protected]. Please note that Jane cannot respond to individual letters and not all problems will be published.
Charging rhino
My girl struggles to trust. I beg her to believe that I’m honest and faithful, but she can’t forget all the former boyfriends who cheated and let her down.
She’s jealous and paranoid. Almost every day she accuses me of having secret lovers; of looking at other women and fancying her friends. Sometimes she gets herself so worked up that she becomes hysterical. She throws anything to hand.
I’m forced to ring her parents to come round to my place and calm her down and take her home. I can’t risk being late for dates or she hyperventilates. I can’t talk about other women (even my female cousins or my boss) or ever reference my ex-girlfriends for fear of her exploding.
I have to constantly reassure her that she’s the only girl for me, which is exhausting. She says that she loves me so much that she can’t contemplate life without me. She can’t believe that I choose to go out with her and is paranoid about me going off with someone ‘better’. I tell her that she needs to calm down and live in the moment, but it’s like talking to a charging rhino.
Luckily, we have an amazing sex life. She’s as passionate for me in bed as she is out of it.
I only have to wink my eye, and she tears her clothes off for a session of intense lust. It’s not unusual for us to make love four or five times over. A lot of time I have to fight her off because she’s so hot for me. Mates say I should count myself lucky. However, when I first asked her out, back in May 2025, I didn’t intend to be with her forever. Now I’m too scared to suggest a break, in case she really flips out.
JANE SAYS: I strongly urge you to look at this very unhealthy relationship with fresh eyes. There is a big difference between love and obsession. I don’t believe that what your girl claims she feels for you is good news. You are not her belonging or her toy; you’re an independent human being. It’s not your job to prop up and define her.
Find the courage to talk to her today and tell her that she needs to get professional help. Clearly her parents already know that something is wrong because they’ve witnessed her behaviour and been called upon to intervene. Explain that you didn’t sign up to this level of intensity and scrutiny and refuse to be brow beaten or silenced. Your dating history cannot be erased because your ex-girlfriends, female cousins and bosses make you who you are today.
It’s very unfortunate that your girlfriend suffers from such low self-esteem and paranoia, but I don’t believe that you can have any more to do with her.
Every time she kicks off, both physically and verbally she crosses a significant line and brings you down Your sex life may be good at the moment but how long is it going to be before you feel bruised, numb and used.
Sell out
I’m in a job I hate. I don’t like the management or how I’m expected to treat/rip off the public. The salary is good, but I struggle to look myself in the mirror.
My wife can’t find a job so I’m the main breadwinner. Every bill, bag of shopping and holiday is on my shoulders. Why should I have to half kill myself when I don’t even like what I’m doing? I long to break out, take off and travel. I just don’t see why I’m expected to stay in this rut for the rest of my working life. I’m 45.
JANE SAYS: Why don’t you and your wife look at your options and work out how to plan the next chapter. Maybe you’ll feel better in the short term if you have a target to work towards. Maybe you could downsize; move to a different part of the country and completely reinvent yourselves? Anything is possible. Keep your wife in the loop; don’t hide anything from her; but do consider your choices and your mental health. None of us know what’s lurking around the corner or how much time we have…
You should be proud of yourself for keeping your head above the water during some very difficult years. But your bosses don’t own you and, with a few tweaks, you may start to love and respect yourself all over again.
Getting me at it
Three years a good friend of mine passed away.
At his funeral, I said to his widow that if there was anything I could do for her she only had to call.
She’s never stopped calling from that day to this.
Anytime her heating goes wrong, her lap top plays up or her car needs fixing, she’s straight on to me.
She never offers to pay me for my time or trouble (or the parts I inevitably buy) and assumes that I’m always available. I need to get on with my life.
JANE SAYS: If running around after this lady is eating into too much of your time, then you have to level with her. I suspect she is still mourning and feeling vulnerable and lost, but surely, she can understand that you have a life too?
Sit down with her, explain that you can’t be as available as before because you have other commitments. As for the bills, you’re picking up; they will have to be settled in future too.
Honesty has got to be the best policy, and you shouldn’t feel guilty or beholden.
You’re not running a public service and life does go on. Does she need to check out cruse.org.uk for advice and support?
One note
My boyfriend is sex mad. There is only so much of him I can take before I’m forced to walk away and take a relationship break. Sex is all he talks about and I often get the impression that he simply views me as a horny plaything. He’s not interested in my friends, family or work only my naked body. How do I change that?
JANE SAYS: The fact is that this man doesn’t genuinely love nor respect you and is never going to make you happy. If you don’t share friends, experiences or opinions, then what’s the point in carrying on? Clearly you believe he’s a user and I believe you’re worth better than this. I suggest the next time you walk away – you keep on going. Find someone more rounded.
