‘My new fella accesses porn when he is at work – his attractive behavior leaves me chilly’
If you have a problem that needs solving and you don’t know where to turn, look no further.
Every day, the Daily Star’s very own agony aunt Jane O’Gorman is on hand to tackle your issues and concerns with some straight-talking but sound advice.
If you want help, you can write to Just Jane, Daily Star, One Canada Square, London, E145AP or email [email protected]. Please note that Jane cannot respond to individual letters and not all problems will be published.
Spice up your life
My new boyfriend takes porn very seriously.
Accessing on-line action is a major part of his life. I’m no prude; I’ve always watched a bit of spice too, but not to his extent.
When I was with my ex-partner, we had a couple of sleazy DVDs that we used to laugh at.
After a bottle of wine and 15 minutes of clichéd action we were sufficiently turned on enough for real love. We’d go to bed; fired up and raring to go. The resulting sex was always horny and hot.
But my new bloke is different. Sex with him is nasty because his tastes are hard core. I also hate the fact that he regularly accesses porn at work – in the toilets during his lunch hour. Charming…
JANE SAYS: If you fear your new boyfriend is in too deep, then he must be encouraged to turn to a health professional for help.
Tell him that you care about him and fear for his emotional well-being. Point out that things have turned sour and you’re no longer having fun. He won’t want to hear about experiences with your ex, but he must understand that his habits aren’t working for you.
If he reacts negatively to your suggestion or starts telling you that you’re the one with the problem, then maybe he’s not the guy you’re looking for. You need to make it clear that you’re a human being with real needs who won’t compete with the unrealistic, fake world of porn.
Food for thought
I’m surrounded by colleagues who take advantage. Two co-workers think nothing of stealing everything from my food to my ideas.
I’m the only mug doing any work. The woman who sits opposite me is the biggest user of the lot. She expects me to have her back when she’s late or failed to complete tasks. We’ve all been promised a bonus if we hit a target. I’m going to hit it on my own. Why should I have to share anything with them?
JANE SAYS: Write down a list of all your gripes and take it to your boss or HR department when you’re ready. Be honest and say that you are finding it very difficult to function and deliver in the current climate.
Calmly explain that other staff members are being unreasonable and you’d like it noted.
Also ask if you can be moved, so that you can get on with the work that you’re paid to do. The reality is that people like your colleagues only get away with backsliding for so long.
I can’t believe that your boss is so blind – or unprofessional – that he or she can’t see what is going on.
Keep walking
I want to split from my cheating boyfriend, but his fantastic love making skills keep me chained to him. I know that he’s sleeping with loads other women because he boasts about it.
My friends tell me that I’m crazy for giving him my time, my love and my money, but how does a girl walk away from a living god?
JANE SAYS: The fact is that you’re just another number to this man. What’s it going to take for you to see him for the bad news he is? More lost money? A sexually transmitted infection?
You, and all the other women, simply fuel his massive ego. Find the strength to leave. Sex will be even better with someone who genuinely loves you.
