‘Best mate denies me intercourse after which brags about soiled bonks with different blokes’

JUST JANE: Today our agony aunt Jane O’Gorman is dealing with a new issue from a Daily Star reader whose heart has been smashed to pieces

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If you want help, you can write to Just Jane, Daily Star, One Canada Square, London, E145AP or email [email protected]. Please note that Jane cannot respond to individual letters and not all problems will be published.

Sink or swim

I’ve been desperately in love with my best friend for five years. Ours has never been a sexual relationship although she knows I’d jump her bones in a heartbeat.

She treats me like dirt but she’s all I think about when I’m alone in bed at night…

Back in March she broke my heart by announcing that she was moving away. She airily declared that she was going to Portugal for a better life.

She swore she was never coming back and I was utterly gutted. No mention was made of the coffee shop business, which we’d always talked about starting together. I’d done loads of research; found the perfect premises and enquired about insurance and suppliers.

She stormed she needed a fresh start. She gave up her office job and sold off her gear. Saying ‘goodbye’ at the airport was hideous. I cried my eyes out and felt terrible for weeks.

Well, now she’s back. She simply expects us to pick up where we left off and I’m miffed. Things didn’t work out with the people she was staying with. She found them controlling and boring.

There was a big bust-up over money and her not pulling her weight. She’s made no secret of the fact that she met a guy out there – a surly chef – who she had great sex with. If I’ve heard one story about his amazing physique and sexual prowess, I’ve heard a hundred. They split when she caught him bonking a waitress over the kitchen sink.

She can’t understand why I’m not jumping up and down at her return. But I feel I’ve been made a fool of. Why should I welcome her back into the fold when she didn’t give two hoots about leaving me in the first place?

JANE SAYS: Your friend’s ego is such that she simply expects everyone to leap for joy now that she’s back in the country again. I suggest you organise a chat with her and ask her to see things from your point of view. Make it clear that you’re certainly not jealous of her experience.

But does she appreciate what she put you through? You were devastated when she suddenly pulled the plug on your coffee shop venture.

But you rose above it and saw her off with a smile. She needs to get real and accept that she can’t simply clap her hands and expect everyone to turn somersaults for her. Yes, plans do change, but what about the people left behind?

If she knows how you feel about her – that you’d like a sexual relationship – and she’s not interested, then I worry that you’re wasting your time and your energy on the wrong person.

She’s not the only woman in the world and, from where I’m sitting, she doesn’t even sound like the nicest one either.

As for the fantastic sex with the ‘surly chef’ – do you believe that story? It sounds made up to me. Funny how great sex often takes place ‘on holiday’ where no checks can be made. I suspect she’s attempting to put some top spin on a very disappointing experience. Far from returning in glory, she’s done nothing more than sneak back with her tail between her legs.

Like it or lump it

My son (34) has always been difficult.

Over the years we’ve clashed over everything from politics and money to the disrespectful way he speaks to me.

Now I’ve come to conclusion that I don’t like him.

Every Saturday he brings his dogs over here.

I take them out for a long walk in the countryside while he sleeps on the sofa. At around 6pm he finally rouses himself and takes them home. There is no conversation beyond the odd grunt and request for food and a loan (which is never repaid).

I have my own money and never ask him for anything.

I don’t understand why he’s so distant and rude.

JANE SAYS: I think it’s important to set boundaries. If you’re happy walking your son’s dogs each Saturday, then fine. But if you’re not, then you need to speak up. Have that all-important conversation.

Is he depressed? Does he have health or financial worries. Should he speak to his GP about his state of mind and lack of energy? He needs to understand that you’re no push over and that you deserve consideration and respect. It’s time to show your teeth.

If you can’t afford to keep subbing him then stop. If that means he no longer visits, then that’s up to him but I get the impression that he needs you more than he lets on.

Sneaky feeder

I don’t like my Mum’s new boyfriend.

I fear he’s a feeder. I suspect he gets his sexual kicks from controlling what she eats. She boasts that he’s always treating her to lovely food – cream cakes, fried chicken and loaded pizzas – I worry that he’s deliberately making her obese so that other men don’t fancy her. He rarely speaks to me and is shifty.

She tells me that I’m daft; that I’ve got a vivid imagination as he’s caring and generous.

I’m worried about her health and her self-esteem. How do I save her?

JANE SAYS: Feeding your trusting mother a diet of rich foods isn’t treating her – it’s destroying her. Front this man up (on his own) and tell him that you don’t appreciate the way he operates. Ask him to stop tempting her because he’s got you to contend with. Make a special effort to spend more time with your mother walking, exercising and eating healthy, sensible meals.

That said, you must accept that she’s a free woman who can live her life any way she chooses. If she ultimately decides to put him above you, then there’s nothing you can do about that. What you can’t do is allow her situation to consume and destroy your life.

Proof of the pudding

I believe my friend’s daughter is stealing from me.

She loves my two-year old Dobermann.

Any time she comes round to see him, stuff goes missing. I’ve lost bottles of wine, toiletries and cash.

She’s 20 and lovely to my face but I fear she’s sneaky.

What can I say to my pal when I have no proof?

JANE SAYS: Proof is the key to everything and if you don’t have it, then you cannot accuse this young woman of being light fingered. You can’t have anyone in your home whom you can’t trust. Your home is your sanctuary. Get tough and stop her from visiting again in future. Tell a white lie about the dog being nervous or you being too busy to receive guests. She knows what she’s doing…