‘I spent £10,000 bonking married bloke and shopping for intercourse toys and outfits – now he is gone’

If you have a problem that needs solving and you don’t know where to turn, look no further.

Every day, the Daily Star’s very own agony aunt Jane O’Gorman is on hand to tackle your issues and concerns with some straight-talking but sound advice.

From bedroom confessions to self-confidence issues , drug use and everything else, Jane has helped thousands of Daily Star readers over the years and isn’t slowing down.

If you want help, you can write to Just Jane, Daily Star, One Canada Square, London, E145AP or email [email protected]. Please note that Jane cannot respond to individual letters and not all problems will be published.

Sexy outfits

I’m £10,000 in debt and hate myself.

I thought that my ex-lover, a married man, genuinely loved me and that we were destined to be together forever. During the 10 months we were an item we drank cocktails, ate great meals, and stayed in gorgeous hotels. He insisted that only the best was good enough for ‘his girl”. He encouraged me to take out a credit card and said it would be easiest if I paid all the bills (so that his wife didn’t become suspicious) and he’d pay me back later in full. Well, ‘later’ has come and gone. He’s now back with his wife full time and ignoring my calls. I’m at home alone, twiddly my thumbs realising that I, basically funded our sordid affair. Yes, we did have some great sex and fun times, but he conned me into indulging. Every time he snapped his fingers and ordered another bottle, I paid.

Every time we checked out of a hotel after a night of passion it was me who slapped my credit card on the reception desk. How could I have been so stupid?

I’m so embarrassed because money was also spent on sexy outfits, condoms, and adult toys. In fact, I’ve got a massive bag in my backroom of all the tacky stuff we ordered up to enjoy.

How could he trick me into subbing him? To make things even worse I’ve been told that I’m not the first person he’s done this to. Apparently, these ‘10-month bank raids’ are his speciality.

He and his wife have an open marriage, and she always knows about his flings and thinks they’re funny. She has affairs of her own and credits them with keeping their marriage fresh and interesting. So, I can’t even go to her and expose him for the rat he is, because she already knows.

JANE SAYS: It’s never pleasant when we realise, we’ve been duped, but, sadly, there are many people who get a kick out of tricking us and pushing their own agenda. If your ex-lover is a thrill seeker and blood sucker by nature, then he probably viewed fleecing you as a personal challenge.

Along with the great sex and champagne, he got a thrill from stuffing his face knowing that you were paying, and he was winning. Whatever happens, please learn from this, and don’t allow yourself to be duped again in future. Be wary of charmers or anyone who spins a line and seems too good to be true. Sadly, you’re now learning that you’re just one of many women he’s pulled this con on. He clearly thinks he’s very clever and untouchable. I know you’re embarrassed but do you need to consider speaking to a solicitor or the police?

The problem is that he may argue that you willing treated him to the meals and hotel stays and that he owes you nothing. It is a difficult area.

If you’re having problems paying back the £10,000 then check out National Debtline (nationaldebtline.org).

Ultimately, it’s important that you don’t allow yourself to be bought down by this rogue. He can’t stop you from looking for love and companionship again in the future.

If his wife is as sleazy as he is, then they’re welcome to each other. You’re worth so much more.

Shove off

I’m punching above my weight with a boyfriend who is too good for me. He’s so sexy and hot he makes me swoon. We’ve been together for a few months, but far from becoming confident around him, I’m more paranoid by the day. I’m terrified of losing him.

When we go out, other women literally shove me out of the way to get to him. I recently saw his ex in town. She looks like a model but called me a troll. My boyfriend swears that he loves and fancies me, but I can’t help worrying that I’m just not good enough for him.

JANE SAYS: Maybe your boyfriend is good looking, but that doesn’t mean that you must be intimidated or grateful. Always remember that you are his equal and that he’s going out with you because he wants to, and he likes you – otherwise you’ll do yourself out of a relationship.

His ex-girlfriend may look like a model, but she’s got a mouth like a sewer. Don’t forget that she is his ex for a very good reason.

What you mustn’t do is rise to anyone’s bait or shout back because a loss of dignity is never attractive. Enjoy every minute you have together and allow yourself to be loved and adored. You need to start believing in your own power, beauty, and brilliance.

Take the high road

Could my girlfriend have an undiagnosed mental condition? She gets very bored very quickly. She picks up and drops mates and hobbies all the time. She’s had five jobs in the time I’ve known her. Now she is talking about re-locating to the Highlands of Scotland off the back of a film she once saw.

Suddenly she’s obsessed with wild walks and cosy fires. All lovely, I’m sure, but I’ve got a living to make. Plus, I love my city life. Sadly, she’s not interested in reason, and this is leading to friction between us.

JANE SAYS: If your girl struggles to settle, maintain friendships or jobs, then encouraging her to speak to her GP might be a good idea. It could be that with support, talking therapy and medication that she can be helped to manage her lifestyle, especially if she sometimes feels anxious and stressed too. Make it clear that you simply wish to encourage and aid her, not stick a label on her head.

Clearly, you love her but, if the fact of the matter is that she craves a completely different experience, then, maybe this is where you go your separate ways. Maybe a simpler life in a calmer place will suit her personality better. Start talking.

Give it here

My partner doesn’t trust me to do anything properly. From putting out the bins to loading the dishwasher, I daren’t buy a pint of milk without her authority. We’ve been together for many years and she’s getting worse.

She controls all the money, makes all the decisions, and talks to me like I’m an idiot.

How dare she?

JANE SAYS: Can’t you talk to her about how you’re feeling? If you really can’t stand to live like this – and your partner isn’t capable of change – then you must get out.

What are your options? Do you have family or friends you could turn to? Separation is never easy, but there is a world beyond your four walls. It’s your life and you’re not going to get another one.