‘I remorse sleeping with my sleazy colleague – now he is selecting on me’
JUST JANE: Today our agony aunt Jane O’Gorman is dealing with a new issue from a Daily Star reader who feels threatened by an ambitious ex-lover who has tossed her aside
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He was caught with his trousers down
I deeply regret having sex with a two-faced colleague. We went crazy for a few months back in the summer. From knee tremblers in the disused stationary cupboard on the tenth floor to steamy romps in the back of his car we lost our minds for a while.
We first got together after an office training day at a country hotel. Our firm had laid on a free bar after a gruelling eight-hour itinerary and we got smashed. We snogged in a corner and them groped out in a deserted conservatory – a waiter caught him with his trousers down and told us to ‘clear off’. I’ve never laughed so much in my life.
We ended up checking into a room and bonking for Britain until noon the next day. I knew he was married and I promptly dumped my boyfriend. Maybe I’m an idiot but I really did think we had something and that we were destined to be together.
However, he split with me by text a couple of weeks ago with no real explanation and is now treating me like dirt. Suddenly I’m the enemy even though we went into our fling as equals with our eyes wide open.
He was recently promoted and is now lording it over me.
It feels like he’s punishing me for leading him astray.
He’s curt and dismissive during video calls and keeps dumping impossible projects in my inbox. I’m obliged to go into the office at least twice a week and I now dread being in the same space as him. I’ve got a horrible feeling that he trying to edge me out or get me the sack.
What was I thinking? Why did I ever become intimate with this monster in the first place?
JANE SAYS: Hold your nerve and do not allow this colleague to get to you. He may regret your affair, but you were equal players, and he can’t simply take the upper hand now that he feels embarrassed or compromised.
It’s highly possible that his wife found out about your affair and issued an ultimatum. Or your superiors were aware of your bad behaviour around the office and warned him to clean up his act ahead of his recent promotion.
Don’t forget that colleagues have eyes and ears and would have seen you flirting at the hotel and been aware of your very obvious sexual chemistry in the workplace.
Very little goes unnoticed in the goldfish bowl of office life no matter how careful you think you’re being…
I suggest you now keep a diary of everything – work-related – that he’s said and is saying. When the time comes, speak to your superior about his tone and attitude. Your affair might not have been a great idea, but nothing gives him the right to force you out of a job that you love and have rightfully earned. Be professional and respectful at all times but also leave him in no doubt that you will not be bullied. Learn from this because booze and sex and work never mix…
Sulky lover depresses me
I can deal with most things but cannot stand the ‘silent treatment’. I’m an open and straightforward person, both in my personal and private life. But my partner has started using my ‘weakness’ against me. She knows I can’t cope with being ignored, so now plunges into a massive sulk any time I disagree with her, or she fails to get her own way. How do I make her understand the intolerable mental strain she’s putting me under?
JANE SAYS: It’s cynical and sly of your partner to deliberately play this childish game. If you’ve explained to her that you prefer to resolve conflict in a transparent and adult manner and she continues to sulk, then does she really care for you at all? Doesn’t she understand how modern relationships work? These pathetic mind games could be construed as a form of domestic abuse. Don’t allow anyone to control and upset you because life is simply too short for such nonsense.
I preferred the wild days
I hate myself for being such a coward. A dear friend is battling cancer, and I can’t bring myself to call her, let along go round to see her.
I know she’s lonely and frightened but the thought of hearing her voice is too much for me to contemplate. We were wild young teens and go-getting career girls together. The thought of her suffering makes me fearful for my own health and future.
I know I’m being selfish and shallow, but I can’t help it. Is it wrong to only wish to remember the funny and strong version of her? We used to have such a laugh. I don’t think I could stand to be sad with her. Is that terrible?
JANE SAYS: This is not about you. Your friend may be battling a horrible disease but she’s still the same person. This is the one time she needs you the most. Her condition may highlight your own mortality but surely you can bring yourself to make some form of contact. Put yourself in her position; wouldn’t you like old friends to reach out if you were frightened and poorly? I suspect she’s still got a lot of determination and fight left in her yet.
