‘My man is obsessive about watching grownup movies – however it makes me really feel garbage’
JUST JANE: Today our agony aunt Jane O’Gorman is dealing with a new issue from a Daily Star reader who doesn’t understand why her man feels compelled to ogle other people
If you have a problem that needs solving and you don’t know where to turn, look no further.
Every day, the Daily Star’s very own agony aunt Jane O’Gorman is on hand to tackle your issues and concerns with some straight-talking but sound advice.
From bedroom confessions to self-confidence issues , drug use and everything else, Jane has helped thousands of Daily Star readers over the years and isn’t slowing down.
If you want help, you can write to Just Jane, Daily Star, One Canada Square, London, E145AP or email [email protected]. Please note that Jane cannot respond to individual letters and not all problems will be published.
He makes me feel like rubbish
I don’t like my boyfriend watching porn – and I’ve told him so on numerous occasions. But I still catch him gripping his phone and indulging in solo pleasure…
His argument is that he chooses his content very carefully. Apparently, the action he enjoys is made by particular people in a particular way that empowers women. He claims that the actors are happy and having a good time. I don’t care about that.
All I know is that I don’t appreciate him looking at strangers having sex because it makes me feel insignificant and insecure. I worry that he’s fantasising about the action he’s witnessed on screen while touching me. He makes me feel like an after-thought.
Why can’t he get that?
JANE SAYS: It’s upsetting that your partner isn’t listening to you or taking your feelings into consideration. The truth is that you’re uncomfortable with him watching ANY porn whether it’s ‘ethical’ or not. If you believe this is a relationship breaker, then explain to him that his habits must change. Does he need professional help? How can he be absolutely sure that what he’s accessing is safe or fair?
There’s no denying that porn can become addictive; might this content lead to something harder? Is he already desensitised? Sadly, if he continues to ignore you, then are you and he a good fit? Can you stay with someone who ignores you and continues to live his life, his way?
She thinks she’s better than me
My girlfriend has changed so much in the past year. She’s extremely hard working and bright. A series of promotions and bonuses have left her flying high, but I hardly recognise her anymore.
If I’m honest she’s become arrogant and demanding. Going into restaurants and shops is now embarrassing because she clicks her fingers, makes a fuss and treats staff like rubbish. She’s also been very rude to my parents at family events.
I’m not ready to give up on us, but how do I get her to calm down when she thinks she’s a cut above and invincible?
JANE SAYS: Your girlfriend needs to hear that you’re extremely proud of everything she’s achieved but not so impressed by her bad attitude. Nothing gives her the right to be rude, and you have your limits. Suggest going for a long walk and instigate a serious chat.
Be honest; explain that you’re struggling to understand her right now. Yes, she’s under pressure to perform at work, but real life goes on, and you and your parents deserve better. It’s up to her to wake up and take responsibility for herself.
Same old story
Living with an alcoholic is taking its toll. I love my partner but don’t love how he prioritises alcohol or treats me when he’s drunk. We have a joint account, so my earnings go towards paying for his wine and vodka, yet this is never acknowledged.
I’m sick of being insulted and clearing up after him. I’m also tired of the insincere apologies and pleas for forgiveness that he trots out like an old script. Where do we go from here?
JANE SAYS : It’s vital your partner gets the professional help he clearly needs. Will he agree to speak to his GP or check out alcoholics-anonymous.org.uk?
The tone of your letter suggests that you’re exhausted; you’ve seen it all and heard it all and nothing in your life is changing or getting any better. Please start focussing on your health and happiness before he drags you down with him.
Don’t allow a misplaced sense of loyalty stop you from breaking free if that’s what you need to do. Acknowledge the fact that you may have reached your limit.
