‘Edgy lady pays scorching women and men for romps – she claims it is her proper’
JUST JANE: Today our agony aunt Jane O’Gorman is dealing with a new issue from a Daily Star reader who is worried his successful girl is getting carried away with herself
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Her own rules
My girl runs her own business. She earns a lot of money and has a huge amount of energy. She doesn’t believe that the normal rules of life apply to her.
She thinks it’s perfectly acceptable to spend her spare cash on sex workers – both male and female. She loves a well-hung male stud alongside an experienced, sassy woman.
Her argument is that being in different company – away from her demanding colleagues and me – gives her a release from her ‘brain frying’ day job.
She says that getting naked and letting rip with people from different backgrounds makes her more creative and gives her an ‘edge’ and more of an insight into life. Plus, the pent-up energy, she releases with her ‘very extra lovers’ makes her a better and more experienced lover with me… Apparently I should be thankful.
It breaks my heart each time she goes out to, effectively, cheat on me. How can she stand to be so blatant and so cruel when she knows how much this extreme behaviour upsets me? I call her a brat. She calls me a dinosaur. Who is right?
JANE SAYS: Your partner earns a lot of money and clearly wields a lot of power in the workplace but you’re the one in an adult relationship with her. What about your feelings and your sexual health?
She carries on paying for the services of sex workers even though she knows how much she hurts you. Level with her. Tell her that this situation is unacceptable and intolerable.
Is she prepared to have a sexual health test and promise never to cross this line again? If she isn’t, then would she consider couples counselling? Ultimately, how much more stress and betrayal can YOU stand?
Sick of being the work horse
My husband and I are no longer in love. We like and respect each other but sleep in separate rooms and haven’t had sex for yonks. I have my friends and he has his hobbies. Sometimes we go for days without speaking, simply because there is nothing left to say. Sometimes I think we only stay together for the convenience of others. If we were to divorce, sell the family house and go our separate ways, then friends and family would be furious.
For a start, twenty relatives rely on us to host a three-day Christmas event here every year. Then on New Year’s Eve thirty friends and neighbours rock up to drink our fizz and sing Auld Land Syne. One year we dared to suggest that someone else take up the reins and host and there was uproar. My sister (who never contributes a thing) accused me of being selfish!
Throughout the year I support his parents and mine with shopping and lifts to appointments, while he is the first port of call whenever anyone needs something mending or shifting. Our neighbours wouldn’t dream of paying a plumber or roofer while he’s still got breath in his body.
We got married because we loved each other, but now this union is bigger than both of us.
I’m so frustrated and hemmed in that I frequently find myself being snappy and sarcastic and that’s not fair. Each day I feel like I’m wading through mud. I’m not even asking for thanks – just a chance to be free and be myself. When is it going to be my time to live my life?
JANE SAYS: You and your husband have lost sight of yourselves as a loving couple. Step off the conveyor belt and give yourself a break. Start saying “no” and don’t feel obliged to constantly prop up others. I suspect you’ll quickly feel very liberated. I’m sensing overwhelming feelings of frustration and responsibility, but you are not a one-woman care agency.
Don’t automatically assume that your marriage is headed for the rocks because your husband must be as overwhelmed and unhappy as you are. You and he are allowed to challenge yourselves and reconnect. Think of the positives in your relationship; the companionship, the warmth and the safety. Consider how hard it might be for you, mentally, financially and physically, to start all over again.
Please speak to him. Consider making changes. Mentally go back in time and remember what attracted you to each other in the first place. Think of the laughs, the dreams, and the sex. Make your relationship a priority again. Apologise to each other for allowing things to slide and promise to change. Consider all the usual options: date nights, kind gestures and early nights for a physical reconnection (in the same bed). It’s wonderful that you can voice your exasperation before things go too far. Ultimately, your relatives and friends will have to hear, and accept, that things will be very different in future because you have a life to live.
Suits you
My son is planning a December wedding. I’ve heard that my future daughter-in-law is planning to wear a green velvet trouser suit instead of a traditional white dress. What will my friends and family say? She thinks she’s being different. I’ve pointed out that she’ll look like a Christmas tree. My son says I need to apologise. Why should I?
JANE SAYS: I urge you to apologise now and mean it. Accept that your future daughter-in-law is her own person with her own views. This is not about you. I very much doubt if she’s deliberately going out of her way to upset or embarrass you.
You, presumably, had your wedding, you way, now let her express herself on her own terms. It will be a shame if small minds contrive to spoil what should be a happy and joyful occasion.
