JUST JANE: Today our agony aunt Jane O’Gorman is dealing with a new issue from a Daily Star reader who is sick of turning a blind eye to his horny girlfriend’s outrageous behaviour
If you have a problem that needs solving and you don’t know where to turn, look no further.
Every day, the Daily Star’s very own agony aunt Jane O’Gorman is on hand to tackle your issues and concerns with some straight-talking but sound advice.
If you want help, you can write to Just Jane, Daily Star, One Canada Square, London, E145AP or email jane.ogorman@reachplc.com. Please note that Jane cannot respond to individual letters and not all problems will be published.
Threesomes with gym buddies
I should be the happiest man alive, but I’m worried that my girlfriend is a sex addict. She’s clever and educated but no amount of sex is enough for her. She’s cheated on me numerous times over the three years we’ve been together. She’s had affairs with colleagues, threesomes with gym buddies and one night stands with blokes from dating apps. And, if she’s not indulging in intercourse, then she’s watching it online.
I adore her with all my heart and have chosen to turn a blind eye to her behaviour up until now because I’ve always feared losing her but how do I deal with a person who has no regard for relationship rules and thinks only of her own gratification and pleasure? She frequently humiliates me by taking herself into the bathroom, with a sex toy, after we’ve made love.
She claims that no matter how much penetrative sex she enjoys she still needs to pleasure herself – and finish herself off – because her own orgasms, by her own hand, are the most intense and meaningful. This makes me feel about as useful as a chocolate teapot. She swears this situation is not unique to me – it’s something she’s aways done.
She’s something of a drama queen and I’m convinced she exaggerates her screams of pleasure when she finally climaxes, alone. I’ve suggested we include her sex toys in our love making, but she says that her private moments are important to her.
All I long for is a normal relationship with a woman who is not interested in other men, pornography or solo pleasure by her own hand.
How do I sort this?
JANE SAYS: Nothing gives your girl the green light to cheat.
Maybe she does have a very high sex drive, but you need to be considered and respected. Talk to her about her addiction to sex. Does she accept she has a problem that needs to be addressed by a health professional? Should she speak to her GP for help and support?
Make it clear that you adore her and believe in her but there are certain aspects of your relationship that are unpalatable and unacceptable to you. You can’t continue to indulge her X-rated behaviour. As for her private sex toys sessions, you need to remember that not all women are able to orgasm through penetration. What’s important is stimulation of the clitoris.
Why don’t you suggest that you go back to basics with extended foreplay, massage and oral and finger stimulation? If your girlfriend requires more time to ‘warm up’, then listen to her and consider her unique needs. However, if you fear she is playing games, then talk to her away from the bedroom.
Does your girlfriend agree that she behaves in a way that frequently worries and upsets you? You may feel that she’s addicted to sex but if she simply believes that she’s a person who likes a lot of variety and fun, then is it right for your mental and sexual health to stay with her? Of course, you care about her, but you must be aware of your own limits too.
Lonely this Christmas
This year will be the first Christmas without my wife, who passed away in April from bowel cancer. She loved Christmas and was always so excited to make the holidays feel special for the family. I miss her every day and I’m still struggling with my grief, I don’t know how I’m going to get myself and my two young children through the festive season. Do you have any advice on how I can manage?
JANE SAYS: I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your wife. The grief you are still experiencing is completely normal and the lead up to Christmas can be incredibly difficult for many people.
It’s important to allow yourself to grieve and recognise that the upcoming days and weeks might be difficult. If the idea of doing what you always did for Christmas is too painful, it may be worth creating new family traditions – whether it’s going away for a few days for a change of scenery or staying with a friend or family member.
If you are feeling that your grief is too much to cope with then you can call the Marie Curie Information and Support line for free on 0800 090 2309 or via the online chat at mariecurie.org.uk/support, which is open over the Christmas period. You will be matched with a specially trained volunteer and receive support.