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Kinky sex and endless loans
How do I stop people bullying me?
My latest boyfriend bullies me into kinky sex and giving him endless ‘loans’.
I’m a friendly woman of 30 and continue to get pushed around by colleagues and family. I don’t get the respect I deserve.
Where am I going wrong? I read recently that actor Anya Taylor-Joy was bullied as a child. She started a British school at six and was picked on for being different. Today she’s a successful Hollywood star. How come Miss Taylor-Joy has managed to turn her life around while no one takes me seriously?
JANE SAYS: It’s brave of you to speak up and I applaud your honesty. Being pushed around by others is debilitating and crushing.
First off, you must find the strength to dump your current boyfriend who is draining and using you. Sadly, if he views you as a ‘soft touch’ then you and he are never going to achieve a healthy relationship. Tell him ‘goodbye’ and don’t feel guilty or sorry because he’s not good enough. Whether you get back the money you’ve already given him is unlikely, but you might just have to take the loss.
As for your family and friends they need to understand that you’ve entered a new era. Take some time to really think about who you are and what you deserve. Start having confidence and faith in yourself because you’re a decent person who is entitled better treatment.
Cut out toxic people – those who struggle to treat you kindly and bring you down. Stand up for yourself, set boundaries and don’t allow family members to ride roughshod over your wishes or your feelings.
Make it clear that any ‘teasing’, sarcastic comments or demanding behaviour must stop.
In short, start showing your teeth so that folks sit up and start taking you seriously. You don’t have to be confrontational or rude, simply strong and resolute. You don’t have to justify or explain yourself to anyone.
The same approach needs to be applied in the workplace. Get on with your tasks, keep your personal life private and do not engage with bullies. Keep a diary of dates, times and the nature of bullying and keep any unpleasant messages or emails. Be prepared to escalate your grievances to your immediate boss, HR or your union. Everyone needs to understand that you are a force to be reckoned with.
If your biggest crime is that you’re a ‘people pleaser’, who always tries to keep the peace, and then it’s time to turn. Life is tough and you need to toughen up.
Yes, you may lose certain people along the way, but so what? Good.
Your self respect is fragile and precious. You need to safeguard it at all costs because no one has the right to make you feel second best. I suspect that Anya Taylor-Joy, 30, achieved the confidence she enjoys today by growing up, realising her worth and shouting from the rooftops ‘Enough!’
Check out the National Bullying Helpline (nationalbullyinghelpline.co.uk) 0300 323 0169. This service offers information and advice for anyone dealing with bullying.