JUST JANE: Today our agony aunt Jane O’Gorman is dealing with a new issue from a Daily Star reader who is still reeling from a horrible holiday in the sun
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She bonked complete strangers
My girlfriend was a nightmare on a recent holiday. On the fifth night I caught her having sex, in our apartment, with a group of complete strangers. I attempted to throw them out, but she hissed: “Either join in or clear off”, so I cleared off while she carried on bonking. I booked into a local hotel and stayed there for the remaining nights until our flight home.
I must admit that the holiday was a disaster from the very first day. I drove us to our complex and she downed three large vodkas before unpacking. Then she screamed: “Where’s the pool?” and leapt in fully clothed. On the second night I suggested a bite to eat in a fancy restaurant. She laughed in my face, and I didn’t see her for the next six hours. Eventually she turned up with another woman who tried to get into bed beside me. I told her to leave, and she demanded 50 euros for a taxi back to her hotel.
During our trip I was forced to carry her back from a nightclub dead drunk. I had to clear up our apartment after she had a mega tantrum over money and apologise to the people next door for her loud music and even louder voice. In short, she totally humiliated me and ruined the break that I’d been so looking forward to. I like to let my hair down with the best of them, but she was out of control from the minute we touched down.
Now we’re back home and my girl acting as if nothing happened. Conveniently, she claims she can’t remember any details because she was having such a good time. If anything, she’s now researching our next trip to Marbella. Can our relationship survive her behaviour?
JANE SAYS: There’s no getting away from the fact that holidays bring out the worst in some people. The combination of sun, booze and complete freedom are a heady mix.
But there are limits. I suspect many of us have drunk too much, messed about and pushed the boundaries. But your girl was so out of control on that break that you had to physically remove yourself from her presence. She didn’t simply get sozzled and screw up; she hurt and humiliated you night after night. It was almost as if she was thinking up ever more inventive ways to rub your nose in the dirt.
You cannot allow her to twist you around her little finger now that you’re home. This can’t be forgiven or forgotten because she was abusive and out of control. I know it’s probably hard for you to take, but this woman doesn’t respect you. She doesn’t care how she treats you or how much you hurt, because she’s only interested in herself.
Tell her today that there’s never going to be another holiday with her, because you and she are through. Tot up how much money you have wasted and don’t allow her bully or intimidate you for another minute. She’s simply not worth it.
Smooth operator
I fear my partner is being taken in by a smooth-talking operator who has just joined his firm.
Every night I hear about the get-rich-quick schemes this creep has on the go. I’ve met him once and just don’t trust him. At the annual office party, I made it my business to corner and quiz him about his qualifications, successes and track record. He was shifty, evasive and struggled to look me in the eye. He couldn’t wait to get away from me.
Yet my man is star-struck and thinks he’s marvelous. He has casually mentioned that he might give him some of our money to invest. How do I stamp this out without coming across as dictatorial or paranoid?
JANE SAYS: Your partner needs to be reminded that you are in an equal relationship. He can’t gamble any joint funds without your say-so – and you absolutely refuse to give it. Make it clear that you’re not being small-minded or unambitious but get-rich-schemes simply don’t exist. If something seems too good to be true, then it invariably is.
Ask him to respect your position and stop getting carried away with himself, because you wouldn’t dream of embarrassing him in this way. Warn him that if he breaks your trust, then your relationship may never recover. You need to get very tough to protect your precious assets.
Let’s get physical
My guy uses up so much energy playing sports, that he never has any time or stamina left for me. Our sex life is abysmal, yet he’s spending more time on the pitch and in the gym than ever before. He frequently comes home exhausted and is too tired for sex. The last time we made love (that was any good for me) was months ago.
Yes, I admit that he looks amazing and lots of my friend’s joke that I’m dating the hunkiest guy around, but what use are muscles when I never actually get to feel them?
JANE SAYS: Staying out night after night – especially if he’s not training for anything in particular – sounds excessive. Do you ever get the feeling that your man could be actively avoiding you? Sit him down today and tell him that, for the sake of your relationship, he needs to find a better home/gym balance. Has he become addicted to exercise?
Does he have another lover? Or is he secretly confused about his true sexuality? Insist on hearing the truth, so that you can either get him the help he needs or prepare to part. Simply jogging along as you are is not an option.
Breaking point
Our adult son is back living at home again. His last girlfriend dumped him at Christmas. He has no money and is driving me mad. My daughter (19) is no saint, but at least she pays her way. They don’t get on and row all the time. Why is my life so stress-filled?
JANE SAYS: You need to get tough with your son and daughter and make it clear that your health and sanity are now suffering as a result of their behaviour. Does he need to see a GP? Is he depressed? If having him under your roof is causing you more stress and upset, then needs to be encouraged to follow his own path.
I suspect that he gets away with his bad behaviour, because you allow him to.