If you have a problem that needs solving and you don’t know where to turn, look no further.
Every day, the Daily Star’s very own agony aunt Jane O’Gorman is on hand to tackle your issues and concerns with some straight-talking but sound advice.
From bedroom confessions to self-confidence issues , drug use and everything else, Jane has helped thousands of Daily Star readers over the years and isn’t slowing down.
If you want help, you can write to Just Jane, Daily Star, One Canada Square, London, E145AP or email jane.ogorman@reachplc.com. Please note that Jane cannot respond to individual letters and not all problems will be published.
It’s all my fault
My controlling girlfriend treats me like a fool.
She maintains that I FORCE her to do bad things. If I wasn’t so selfish, infuriating and such a flirt, then she wouldn’t feel compelled to get drunk, overspend or get off with other men.
According to her I’m a nightmare to live with. I’m annoying and devious. She can’t trust me.
I drive her to drink with my annoying personality, and she only goes with other guys because I ‘constantly’ flirt with her friends and make her feel worthless and stupid.
But I don’t recognise his version of me – and neither does anybody else I know. I’ve never cheated on her and never would.
We’ve been together for five years. The first year of our relationship was blissful. We went on romantic dates, laughed like drains and had loads of passionate sex. But something changed when we moved in together; she became possessive and unreasonable. She kept tabs on me and banned me from talking to the neighbours.
One time she accused me of bedding the woman in the local shop. I protested my innocence and she stormed out. She disappeared for five days. I was beside myself. Eventually she came home and blamed me for driving her into her arms of an ex-boyfriend from school.
Like a fool I apologised and promised to stop embarrassing her. But she’s been backwards and forwards ever since. She punished me for daring to visit my family at Christmas by spending all the money in our joint account. She makes no secret of the fact that she often uses dating apps to relieve the stress I put her under. When I tell any of this to my mates, they explode. I can’t open up to my close relatives either because none of them have ever liked her The problem is that she makes me doubt myself.
JANE SAYS: Your devious girlfriend deliberately makes you doubt yourself so that she can dominate and belittle you.
She knows exactly what he’s doing – and it’s not fair.
How can she blame you for sleeping with other people? That’s completely unreasonable and skewed and so typical of a conniving control freak.
I hate to break it to you, but you’re fighting a losing battle, because you’re never going to change or civilise this woman.
It goes without saying that you are fully entitled to see your family and enjoy your own, personal freedom without her constantly pulling you back or making ridiculous accusations.
She doesn’t own you. What really disturbs me is that her reactions to your terrible ‘crimes’ are so extreme and so spiteful in the extreme.
Face it; the good times are in the past and aren’t coming back.
You’re worth more than this. Gather up your remaining confidence, ask your GP for a sexual health check and get out of there, before she crushes you completely.
I suspect you’re embarrassed and ashamed about what you’ve been living through, but you must tell your family the full story so that they can support you in escaping her clutches.
She doesn’t love you and nothing she does is your fault – ever.
Hard cheese
I’m angry with my daughter for being uptight and selfish. She’s quite happy to come here, her childhood home, for special meals but I’ve never been inside her pristine house.
She and her husband moved into their new build in September. I can only assume she doesn’t want me messing up the place.
This is insulting after all I’ve done for her. My partner says she’s a mean, spoilt brat and I agree with him. She doesn’t even manage to get me a card for Mother’s Day despite me providing a full, family roast.
JANE SAYS: Your daughter needs to hear that you and she are now both women and equal adults. She’s no longer your little girl to feed, indulge and run around after. She must hear how insulted you are by her reluctance to have you in her home. Doesn’t she understand how unwelcome and unhappy that makes you feel?
If she has special rules regarding outdoor shoes or smoking in her house, then that’s fair enough, but you need to be invited over.
Not everyone is a confident cook, so suggest she buys some bread and cheese if it’s the prospect of catering stressing her out – it’s the being together that matters. I fear you must put your foot down or this is going to fester between you and, ultimately start to rot and destroy your relationship.
Egged on
Booze makes me horny.
My friends call me a player; they say I’m fabulous and wild. But I don’t feel fabulous the morning after the night before when I wake up and realise what I’ve slept with a colleague, or an ex-boyfriend or a stranger. I’m not proud of how I’m behaving but feel as though I’m being egged on by my mates and am on a roundabout ride I can’t get off. I also feel bad about cheating on my boyfriend who works away a lot.
JANE SAYS: This vicious cycle of booze, sleazy sex and a certain reputation to maintain must be exhausting, but you can step off the roundabout any time you like without having to explain yourself to your so-called mates. Sober up and take control.
Go to your GP about your drinking and ask for help. Then avoid the people and the places that bring you down. You also need to think seriously about wiping the slate clean by telling your boyfriend the truth. Why do you feel inclined to cheat on him? Do you and he even have a future, or is it time for you to go your separate ways? Surely, he deserves better than this?
Time to contribute
My partner and I constantly row about money. He thinks our children (16 and 17) should already be contributing to the household coffers. He’s insisting both start baby sitting and dog walking and then leave school as soon possible. I finished my education at 16 and have always deeply regretted not learning more or travelling the world.
JANE SAYS: I don’t think that babysitting or dog walking is a bad idea; it’ll give your children a good work ethic and they’ll appreciate the value of money. But I do think you should talk more regarding further education if that is something they want. You all need to talk about passions, ambitions and options. Further education isn’t for everyone, but they should be allowed to choose – family funds permitting.