If you have a problem that needs solving and you don’t know where to turn, look no further.
Every day, the Daily Star’s very own agony aunt Jane O’Gorman is on hand to tackle your issues and concerns with some straight-talking but sound advice.
From bedroom confessions to self-confidence issues , drug use and everything else, Jane has helped thousands of Daily Star readers over the years and isn’t slowing down.
If you want help, you can write to Just Jane, Daily Star, One Canada Square, London, E145AP or email jane.ogorman@reachplc.com. Please note that Jane cannot respond to individual letters and not all problems will be published.
Tricked into marriage
My girl and I have stopped having sex.
We’re due to get married in December but I’ve being pushed to the side. She gets annoyed when I attempt to touch her and keeps insisting I doss on the sofa and play with myself to give her peace and space. I don’t know why I’m marrying the woman. She’s become cold and bossy.
I stopped respecting her months ago when she quit making any kind of effort for me. When we first met in 2024, she was a real highflyer in sharp suits, high heels and glossy make-up. These days she works from home and slobs around in grey tracksuits.
This casual look does nothing for me and I’m desperately looking for a way out. It just doesn’t feel as though I’m with the same girl I signed up to. Our wedding is planned for the Winter Solstice (21st).
She’s opting for a peasant-style dress with a massive party for all her friends and family afterwards in an ivy strewn hotel. All very picturesque and romantic I’m sure, but not with her. Unfortunately, none of my family is invited because she doesn’t like them and my mates have been limited to the three well-behaved ones.
If I’m completely honest, I can’t remember proposing to her in the first place. She claims I went down on one knee during a weekend in Cornwall.
She spits that I shouldn’t drink so much if I can’t remember my actions the next day.
Now I’m like a condemned man and friends are warning me that I’m about to make the biggest mistake of my life. My parents say that if I marry her, then they’ll never speak to me again and write me out of their wills (even though they don’t have two pennies to rub together – but you get the idea).
How did I end up in this terrible place?
JANE SAYS: You cannot allow yourself to be railroaded into a marriage that you’re not committed to.
Your fiancée may be a force of nature, but she doesn’t own you. Stand up and say ‘enough’. Maybe you were drunk that night in Cornwall and have no recollection of proposing, but it’s not too late to back out if marrying this woman isn’t going to make you happy.
First off, you need to make it clear that the wedding is off before she spends money or makes any new plans. No doubt she will be very angry and upset, but this is one battle that you must find the strength to fight.
Then, once the dust has settled, take the time to see and speak to your family and friends to rebuild bridges and get your life back.
If you are drinking too much alcohol, then speak to your GP about that and ask for whatever help is available to you. If you’ve been guilty of ignoring or disrespecting your parents of late, then be big enough to say ‘sorry’ and vow to make amends. The next few months are going to be hard, but your new life must start right here.
Remember that there are people who care about you. Your friends have been brave enough to speak up and that can’t have been easy for them.
There is a life beyond this current situation, and you will feel happy and settled again in the future.
Twitch and shout
I splashed out on tickets for an expensive show for my girlfriend’s birthday – and all she did was look at her phone. It was so embarrassing. I kept hissing at her to turn it off, but she ignored me. In the end the angry man in the seat next to her complained. I didn’t blame him.
Then I could physically feel her twitching and wriggling throughout the performance because she couldn’t check her messages and social media. She can’t be without her precious handset without becoming anxious.
It’s so rude, especially when I’ve spent money and made an effort and she’d rather view a sheep being sheared than talk to me.
JANE SAYS: Unless your girl is waiting on an urgent call, then her phone doesn’t need to be on during the precious time you spend together. Calmly point out how much she’s annoying you. If she has an addictive problem, then she should mention it to her GP. However, if this is something that she is able to tackle herself, then is she willing to change her behaviour? It comes down to how much respect she has for you.
Her behaviour is not only rude, but very immature too. She’s not a kid and her phone is not a toy. How would she like it if you showed her just as much inattention and disregard?
Silver Service
My newly single mum is being treated for a Sexually Transmitted Infection.
She started using a hook-up apps back in February. Now one of her lovers has given her an STI.
She should have known better than to have unprotected sex at her age (55). She screams that I have no right to judge because I was a horrible teenager.
It’s true, I was vile as a kid, but I’m in a settled relationship now.
She claims I’m jealous of the great times she is having. Great times? Is she out of her mind?
JANE SAYS: Silver daters need to talk about condoms, STI’s and medical testing before they have sex with a new partner. It might be embarrassing, but it’s got to be done. Just because your mother can no longer have children doesn’t mean that she can afford to be careless. The risks are irrespective of age. Hopefully, she’s getting the treatment she needs. Whatever happens, don’t allow this matter to come between you.
Ask your mother not to rake up your painful past again – and then promise not to judge her. This is a new era for both of you, don’t allow this mistake to sour your relationship, because I suspect, you both need each other even more than ever.
Tried and tested
My oldest mate won’t allow me to talk about my new boyfriend. When she was with her ex, he was all she boasted about. But now that I’m in a relationship, she’s miffed. She accuses me of being insensitive because she’s newly single and I’m a ‘show off’.
When will it be my time to shine?
JANE SAYS: The next time you and this woman go out together, try this experiment. Ask her how she is and just let her speak. Wait and see how long it is until she asks about you. I predict that it’ll be a long time. You can’t have people in your life who bring you down. If she can’t be happy for you and you can’t find any middle ground, then maybe you’ve outgrown each other.