If you have a problem that needs solving and you don’t know where to turn, look no further. Every day, the Daily Star’s very own agony aunt Jane O’Gorman is on hand to tackle your issues and concerns with some straight-talking but sound advice.
From bedroom confessions to self-confidence issues , drug use and everything else, Jane has helped thousands of Daily Star readers over the years and isn’t slowing down.
If you want help, you can write to Just Jane, Daily Star, One Canada Square, London, E145AP or email jane.ogorman@reachplc.com. Please note that Jane cannot respond to individual letters and not all problems will be published.
Family at war
My boyfriend’s family are deeply unpleasant. I can’t stand any of them. The mother is plain speaking and rude. She frequently tells me that I’m not good enough for her darling son.
The father is arrogant and condescending, he barely speaks to me at all. The brothers treat their partners like dirt, while the sisters are argumentative and tricky. Visiting the family home for Sunday lunch is a nightmare. They shout and bicker and eat like pigs. My boyfriend and I have been together for over a year, and he begs me to give them time but how much time is enough? Last month I took the bull by the horns and invited them to my place for a meal. They were a nightmare. They all turned up late, laughed at my tiny flat and made horrible comments about my food. Then they drank all my booze and called me a ‘skinflint’ for refusing to order in some more. His younger sister then crept off and had noisy sex with her boyfriend on my bed. It was absolutely disgusting.
I’ve now told my bloke that I don’t want anything more to do with them.
Unfortunately, this is leading to friction between us because he’s not prepared to give up on them. He swears they can be nice when they try but I’ve not seen any evidence of it. The firm I work for have offices all over the country. I could claim a promotion and move to a new hub tomorrow. My mates think I should orchestrate a relocation miles away from here so that I never have to see these people again. Dare I trick my fella into believing we must move?
JANE SAYS: How is your man going to agree to a big move? You can’t lie to him. Surely you have to consider his feelings too. If he wishes to have a relationship with his parents and siblings, you can’t stand in the way. Maybe these people aren’t perfect, but are you? Is every single member of your family a living saint? Of course not. In most relationships we don’t simply link up with a serious lover – we tend to join a whole clan. Whether that’s for better or worse is a matter of luck. I understand that his family drive you nuts, but they are his flesh and blood. You may find them annoying, but he loves them and he wants you to embrace them too.
Would he be prepared to talk to them on your behalf? Could he ask them to be more friendly and welcoming in future and less annoying?
As for you, is there anything you do that annoys them? Be prepared to take any criticisms on board.
No one says you must live in each other’s pockets. But situations can and do change. It could that his mother comes to love and respect you in time and that you become firm friends – especially if you chose to have children.
Stand up for yourself. Tell his sex-crazed sister that she was out of order. Leave them in no doubt that you are someone to be reckoned with.
Mixed messages
I’ve been flirting with a colleague for weeks. She seems as keen on me as I am on her.
I really want to get with her, but I’ve noticed she has a ring on her wedding finger. She acts as if she’s waiting for me to make a move. I can’t figure it out. What does she want from me and where do I take this? The mixed messages are doing my head in.
JANE SAYS: I strongly suggest you turn your chair around, ignore your flirty colleague and start getting on with your work.
You may well fancy this lady, but the problem is that modern firms do not approve of work-based relationships. If you’re not careful, you could be accused of time wasting and inappropriate behaviour, especially if your colleague is married or engaged and complains that you’re harassing and upsetting her. I understand that feelings can run high in a confined office space, but you have to tell yourself that she is not the one for you – whether she’s single or taken. Remember that you are employed to do a job of work and your bosses aren’t going to be impressed with you. I don’t mean to sound a killjoy, but this is 2026 and you need to protect yourself as much as anything. Find someone else, on the outside, who is definitely free.
Baby love
My girlfriend has offered to get pregnant and carry a baby for her childless friend and her husband – without discussing it with me first.
Not only that, but the bloke’s sperm is to be donated by the natural method (i.e. full intercourse) because, apparently, that’s the most efficient way.
I’m furious. I don’t even like this couple, and I don’t want my girl having sex with that moron.
We’re rowing all the time with my girl accusing me of being heartless. I’m being labelled a control freak for having my say. Has the world gone mad?
JANE SAYS: Does your girl really know what being pregnant and giving birth are like? I urge you to keep talking. Beg her to listen while you (calmly) put your point of view across. Spell out your concerns, fears and how you feel. Is this arrangement financially driven? Is she being put under undue pressure? Or is she offering to have this baby out of the kindness of her heart? Have you told her that you’d like a baby with her?
Remind here that there is still time to back out.
Sadly, if she chooses to go ahead than you’ll have to conclude that your views are not as important to her as you hoped.
Light fingered
I suspect a new flat mate is stealing my stuff.
At first, it was inconsequential things like cotton wool and shampoo. But now money has gone missing from my room, and a jumper has disappeared too.
How should I handle this? I’m so angry that I’m worried that I’ll explode.
JANE SAYS: Speak to your landlord about having a lock put on your door. Tell him or her about your losses in case others have suffered too.
Accusing someone of stealing is a big deal. You must be sure of your facts and have proof. Ultimately, if you are convinced that a crime has been committed, then you need to report this to the police. Retain your dignity and composure by keeping your temper in check.