Grand National week may be over, but that doesn’t mean the excitement has to end. Come with us to a world where the nags are cheaper, cleaner and easier to store in a cupboard…
“Do you want to learn to hobby horse like a pro?” reads the email in my inbox. “A professional what?” I wonder. Surely there’s no-one making money like that, in this economy. They’ve probably been replaced by AI already.
Nonetheless, I’m intrigued. In some ways, I’m a pretty easy mark. And that’s how, dear reader, I end up at the Brook Farm Training Centre in Stapleford Abbotts, Essex, clutching a plush horse’s head on a stick.
This place is a proper stable, with proper horses – big scary ones, with big teeth, who would probably kick you as soon as look at you. I like mine better. I decide to call him Ronald.
I’m here to take part in a hobby horsing competition, organised by the UK Hobbyhorse Association (UKHA). They were set up to cater to fans of the sport, which I’m told is a big deal in some parts of the world.
This event has been organised to mark the release of Rival Stars Horse Racing, on Playstation and Xbox later this month. But it’s just one of many cropping up all over Britain.
“It’s really only started in the UK about three or four years ago,” says UKHA owner Stephanie Horton. “I think children have always played with hobby horses, and jumped over makeshift jumps at home.
“In places like Poland and Finland it’s mainly young adults who take part. They train every single day. They’re very, very serious about it.”
I look at the 20 or so people around me, each holding their cuddly mount. Some of the horses are pink. “Serious” isn’t the first word that comes to mind.
Stephanie adds: “Here in the UK it’s more about having fun and being inclusive, and children, and some adults, enjoying themselves.”
Ok, I can get behind this. I do enjoy fun. There’s a showjumping course in the middle of the barn, with jumps far smaller than they’d usually be.
For the main competition we’ll need to get round it, with points awarded for style and speed, but deducted for knocking down the obstacles.
The most important rule, I’m told, is not to let your hobby horse slip out from between your legs. Sorry Ronald. I hope you’re comfortable down there.
To start with, I’m not sure I’ll manage to clear the tiny, 45cm jumps we’ve been given to use for practice. But with a bit of a run-up, it’s surprisingly easy – and surprisingly good fun too.
Sweaty and exhilarated, I fully suspend my disbelief. Am I a jockey? Am I a horse? I’m the best of both worlds mate, here to win a sporting event and prove my high school gym teacher wrong.
I do reasonably well on the course, my high-powered delusion earning generous points for style. We move on to a “sudden death” round, lining up for a jump that inches higher and higher… and I’m out at just 60cm.
I can still hear the cheers of the crowd as the winners are announced. Could my stylish performance make up for my stumpy legs and sedentary lifestyle? No, it could not. I don’t make the top six.
I console myself by watching a real hobby horse pro – Maisie Scaddan, from Fareham, Hampshire – giving a dressage demonstration. It’s just as confusing as it would be if a horse were involved.
Afterwards I catch up with the 16-year-old, who won three gold medals for showjumping at the UK Hobby Horse Championships in October. She represented Britain at the latest world championships in Seinajoki, Finland.
Maisie, who also rides flesh and blood horses, first encountered the sport four years ago on TikTok.
“I saw a tutorial on how to make your own hobby horse,” she says. “At the time, my real horse was injured and out of work, so I was bored.”
When she shared her creation online, the teen discovered a warm and friendly hobby horse community. Compared to the standard equestrian world, she found it far more welcoming.
She adds: “In real horse riding, you need to have a lot of money. You need to have very fine horses. I’ve got patchy horses so people would say they’re quite scruffy, so they wouldn’t be up there.”
I’m surprised by how touching I find her explanation. It’s nice to think that now, when she arrives for a competition, she does it with Art Kingsley 2 – a luxury, bespoke steed from Artemis Hobbyhorses.
“When I competed in Finland, I was the youngest person there,” she says. “Most of the people were in their 20s or early 30s. So I’d really like to be doing this for a long time.”