SLIPPERY Keir Starmer has been hanging on to his job by the thinnest of threads.
And he must be the only person left in the country who believes he should still fight to stay on as Prime Minister.
It’s Keir lunacy. And it’s an act of self Starm for Labour to let him cling on like a limpet with a lifetime supply of superglue.
He’s as popular as Adam Thomas would be turning up to a David Haye and Jimmy Bullard night out.
And despite surviving crisis after crisis it is clear he won’t survive the Starmergeddon that is coming for his party in the local elections.
Pollsters reckon Labour will suffer devastating losses of more than 75% of the council seats the party is defending across England in the upcoming elections.
That will see them lose some 1,850 seats in councils across the nation.
Such a hammering will surely see the nails being hammered into Starmer’s leadership coffin.
And not before time.
And then we can see the vultures scavenge over his dead carcass to become the next leader.
Will it be boozy Angela Rayner? Creepy Wes Streeting? Can’t eat a bacon sarnie like a normal human eco loon Ed Miliband?
Either way it will be a bumpy ride for the country.
But until then there will be a bit of a vacuum where the UK will be led by interim leader David Lammy.
Dear me.
Surely we can do better?
So here are some suggestions for replacements that could replace Starmer as PM.
A DRIPPING WET SOCK. Ok it may be an odd choice but even a soaked odd sock pegged to a washing line has more use and charisma than Keir Starmer.
LARRY THE CAT. The chief mouser is probably the only likeable resident of Downing Street after his recent rodent catching exploits, the only one actually doing any decent work there.
MR BLOBBY. An overweight, blithering idiot clown, who acts as if constantly drunk, is barely comprehensible and goes around annoying and inappropriately touching people probably isn’t the best fit for PM. Though it didn’t stop Boris Johnson from reaching the top.
BORIS JOHNSON. Ok, he was terrible. A self serving, lying, genuinely horrible person who caused lasting damage to the nation. But at least, unlike Starmer, raised a smile or two.
SAM ALLARDYCE. Who better to bring in as caretaker boss than the football manager legend Big Sam? He’ll certainly not be woke, will get things organised, and will give the rest of the world, including Donald Trump the run around with some long ball “they don’t like it up ‘em” diplomacy.
NIGEL FARAGE. It looks like he’ll end up being the PM one day so why not give him a run out as a temporary stop gap? With any luck he’ll quickly make a huge mess of it and will prevent anyone ever voting for him again.