If you have a problem that needs solving and you don’t know where to turn, look no further.
Every day, the Daily Star’s very own agony aunt Jane O’Gorman is on hand to tackle your issues and concerns with some straight-talking but sound advice.
From bedroom confessions to self-confidence issues , drug use and everything else, Jane has helped thousands of Daily Star readers over the years and isn’t slowing down.
If you want help, you can write to Just Jane, Daily Star, One Canada Square, London, E145AP or email jane.ogorman@reachplc.com. Please note that Jane cannot respond to individual letters and not all problems will be published.
Rampant love life
My girlfriend never stops going on about her fantastic ex. He was a ‘gorgeous hunk’ and stud between the sheets. I’ve heard so many sordid stories about their rampant love life that it feels as though I’ve had sex with him myself!
They split up in 2022 when he went off with someone else. Now she’s stuck with me, and she never leaves me in any doubt that I’m second best. Her ex is remarried with a young child but he’s all she ever talks about. He’s richer than ever and owns a boat. She stalks him on social media. I don’t know why she gets off on making me feel inadequate and inferior.
As for sex, she laughs at my efforts to seduce and please her. Recently I booked us into a pricey hotel for a romantic weekend. I attempted to seduce her with roses and fizz, but we didn’t have sex because she once went there with HIM and wouldn’t stop comparing the ‘pokey’ room I booked with the luxury suite that he splashed out on.
She then spent the whole drive home reminiscing about a surprise trip to Italy where he bought her a diamond necklace and they made love under the stars. I was left feeling stupid and second rate – again. I just don’t understand the woman.
I try to do everything for her. Her ex totally humiliated her by cheating, yet he’s never portrayed as the bad guy. There are three of us in this relationship and his presence never goes away.
I’m at a loss to know what to do next.
JANE SAYS: Take the trouble to talk to your girl today. Make it clear that her constant criticisms and jibes hurt. She’s guilty of being insensitive and unaware of your feelings. She needs to understand that you are a decent, caring man who can only take so much.
Many of us collect ex-partners and emotional baggage as we move through life.
You’re not asking her to airbrush her ex-partner from history, merely to stop obsessing about him and start moving forward.
How would she like it if you regularly mentioned an ex-lover of yours?
Wouldn’t that be rude and very boring?
Also, no one likes to be compared to someone else. Explain that every time she crows about her ex-partner’s achievements, a little piece of your confidence dies. If the truth is that she’s depressed or ill, then she must be encouraged to visit her GP. However, if she simply doesn’t regard you as being a good enough replacement for HIM, then don’t put up with another minute of this rubbish.
Tell her that you won’t play second best; that you demand a fresh start. Sadly, if she’s not willing or able to change, then you’ll have to think carefully about the future, because you really can’t stay with anyone who treats you this poorly.
She needs to get over herself – and him.
Guilty conscience
My ex-wife and I divorced in 2019 after she caught me in bed with her friend. Our children (now 22 and 23) were disgusted. Since then, I’ve been keeping them sweet with regular money transfers. Of course, they’ve always promised to repay me back but never have. Since Christmas I’ve forked out thousands on new phones and foreign travel for them. My current girlfriend trusts me with everything to do with money. The other day she suggested we start looking for a bigger house, but I have no savings left. What am I going to do?
JANE SAYS: Your marriage broke up because of your cheating. Since then, you have frittered away your savings because you’ve felt guilty and have been desperate to curry favour with your kids. Tell your partner that there is no nest egg to draw on. Be honest; explain that you’ve squandered it and promise to tighten your belt and start again. Of course, she’ll be confused and disappointed, but you’ll just have to take that. Whatever happens, don’t think about taking out expensive loans or coming up with sneaky ways of covering your tracks. This is crunch time. Everything needs to change.
As for the money your children still owe you; either insist on a serious repayment plan; or write off the debt and think carefully about giving them another penny again.
Complete denial
In the time I’ve been with my boyfriend he’s given me genital warts and Chlamydia (both of, which have been successfully treated). Now he’s made another girl pregnant, and another is claiming that he’s the father of her newborn baby.
I’m willing to give him another chance if he’ll just start being honest with me. He’s still insisting that he’s never cheated on me. He refuses to admit that he’s been with other girls and that they’re all liars. This is very hard to take.
JANE SAYS: What consideration has this man ever shown you? He continues to treat you like an idiot. You know that sexually transmitted infections are passed from one person to another through unprotected sex. You’ve been treated for genital warts and Chlamydia, yet your boyfriend continues to protest his innocence.
He still refuses to acknowledge his (atrocious) behaviour or own up to his affairs. His lies are insulting and rude. I believe that you’re wasting your time and risking your health with this individual. Where are the assurances that he won’t cheat on you again? Wake up and dump him. If he is about to become a father for the second time, then he’s got more than enough on his plate.
My face doesn’t fit
I’ve just started a new job, and no one seems to like me. I don’t know what I’ve done wrong, but one guy in particular ridicules everything I say. Others are sarcastic or downright rude. Even the guy who employed me keeps out of my way. I’m desperate not to be seen as a troublemaker. How do I handle this?
JANE SAYS: Perhaps your new colleagues feel threatened by you. Don’t allow anyone to distract you or get under your skin. Concentrate on giving your best and proving yourself through sheer hard work. However, keep a daily diary at home and do speak to a superior if you feel you’re being bullied or intimidated. Are you guilty of being annoying?
Could this company be in trouble or it is simply not a good fit for you?