If you have a problem that needs solving and you don’t know where to turn, look no further.
Every day, the Daily Star’s very own agony aunt Jane O’Gorman is on hand to tackle your issues and concerns with some straight-talking but sound advice.
If you want help, you can write to Just Jane, Daily Star, One Canada Square, London, E145AP or email jane.ogorman@reachplc.com. Please note that Jane cannot respond to individual letters and not all problems will be published.
Bragging rights
My children (13 and 14) have secretly met my husband’s new girlfriend. We’re not even divorced yet. They’ve been for meals behind my back.
He and I split up in March after I found condoms in his car. I confronted him and he went crazy; calling me suspicious and mad. He yelled that they belonged to his mate and that I had a sick mind because they’d ‘obviously’ fallen out of the guy’s work bag. I’m no fool and ‘obviously’ knew the condoms were his and that he was screwing around.
A few days later his lover – my new rival – rang me to brag about their great sex life. She took great delight in listing all the times and places they’d romped behind my back. I threw him out that very night.
It feels as though my whole life is in free fall.
JANE SAYS: None of this mess has anything to do with your children and they mustn’t be torn in different directions or made to feel guilty or responsible.
I suspect that your estranged husband has got his head in the clouds right now; he’s having a sexually charged affair and probably isn’t thinking straight.
I’m not making excuses for him, but these things happen. Suggest you and he meet on neutral ground for that all-important chat. How do you make this split work best for the children?
Consider counselling via your GP either with or without him and family mediation.
Electric blue
I have strong feelings for a guy at work.
I have a long-term boyfriend, but I really like this colleague. He has an electric energy that makes him popular with everyone. He is handsome and has a fantastic body, which I lust after all day.
Every time I see him chatting to someone else, I start to feel envious. The other day he was flirting with a girl in reception, and I could feel my hackles rising.
I’ve not had sex with another guy in years.
Dare I tell him how I feel or do I risk setting myself up for a fall?
JANE SAYS: Work based flings; crushes and relationships are never a good idea. They invariably turn sour and end badly. It’s fantastic that you admire your colleague; that you look up to him as a role model, but a certain line must never be crossed.
You must consider the bigger picture: your reputation; your salary and your own mental health.
I suggest you admire his good points from afar; learn from his successes and aim to be the best person you can. If you do start to feel that you are attracted to other men, then I beg you to be honest with your partner from the start.
Don’t do anything behind her back.
Remember that safe sex means always using a condom.