If you have a problem that needs solving and you don’t know where to turn, look no further.
Every day, the Daily Star’s very own agony aunt Jane O’Gorman is on hand to tackle your issues and concerns with some straight-talking but sound advice.
If you want help, you can write to Just Jane, Daily Star, One Canada Square, London, E145AP or email jane.ogorman@reachplc.com. Please note that Jane cannot respond to individual letters and not all problems will be published.
Pure hatred
I fear my girl wants to split from me – but is too cowardly to speak up. She has started staying out late and not coming home until the early hours. I worry she’s sleeping with male colleagues – possibly her two bosses.
Any time I ring her, her phone goes straight to voicemail. I offer to pick her up from pubs and clubs in my car and she blasts that I’m a control freak. Any time I accuse her of having an affair she hisses that I’m ‘crazy’.
The other Friday I suggested an early night, and she looked at me with such pure hatred that I was shocked. I’m prepared to accept that she may have fallen out of love with me, but why should I do her dirty work and end things for her?
JANE SAYS: If your girlfriend really is cheating on you, then she could be trying the coward’s way out by pushing you to the brink. Explain that you have your limits and that you’re tired of playing games. What is she doing behind your back?
She needs to understand that you are no fool. You are no longer prepared to sit at home, worrying, while she stays out late and staggers home on her own because you love her too much for that. Sadly, if you discover that she IS playing around with other men, then you must ask her to stop.
If she still refuses to change her ways, then ask her why she still bothers to come home to you.
For money? Comfort? A roof over her head? You both need to make some important decisions.
Get off
I don’t like sex. I don’t like being touched or anyone seeing me in the nude – either male or female.
I find the act of lovemaking undignified and messy. I explained all of this to my current partner on our first date. She said that she understood. But now she’s pushing for intimacy.
Things turned ugly on holiday recently when she asked me to pleasure her in a way I find particularly disgusting. I naturally said ‘no’. She went nuts and called me cruel. Am I?
JANE SAYS: Suggest a conversation so that you and she can decide whether you have a future together.
You are an individual. Some people adore sex and others are less keen. There is no benchmark and there are no rules. But if you fear that a childhood experience; religious upbringing or an earlier trauma may have put you off intimacy, and that’s something you wish to explore, then I suggest you speak to your GP.
However, if you’re simply not a tactile person and have no need for flesh-on-flesh action, then you need to ensure that any future partners absolutely understand where you’re coming from – and don’t simply see you as a challenge.
Motor mouth
A chatty neighbour won’t leave me alone.
She never stops bugging me.
The other night she called at 11pm asking to borrow my lawnmower. I explained that I was in bed, but she didn’t stop talking until I agreed to let her come around the next morning. I can’t move without her questioning me.
Help.
JANE SAYS: You’ve got to be strong and always ready for this woman. If you aren’t up for meeting or chatting, then have an excuse/reason ready.
Explain that you have work or extended family commitments. She sounds like a user, and you don’t owe her anything.
Never be afraid to stick up for yourself and say ‘no’.