JUST JANE by Jane O’Gorman
If you have a problem that needs solving and you don’t know where to turn, look no further.
Every day, the Daily Star’s very own agony aunt Jane O’Gorman is on hand to tackle your issues and concerns with some straight-talking but sound advice.
If you want help, you can write to Just Jane, Daily Star, One Canada Square, London, E145AP or email jane.ogorman@reachplc.com. Please note that Jane cannot respond to individual letters and not all problems will be published.
Outrageous lies
My new girlfriend is sexy, clever and funny. The only problem is that she can’t tell the truth.
Not only does she exaggerate everything from her wealth and contacts to family history, but she tells outrageous fibs too.
She makes the most fantastic claims that I know aren’t true. In her fantasy world, there isn’t a club she hasn’t been to and a celebrity she hasn’t shagged. She once claimed to have slept with every member of a five-piece boyband in a hotel in New York. Mmmmm.
I only have to mention a holiday location – and she’s been there. Music festivals? She’s been to all the big ones and got free VIP passes because knows the organisers.
Yet none of her claims stand up to closer scrutiny and she hastily changes the subject if I dig too deep.
I’m not a confrontation person and I don’t wish to humiliate her by pointing out that she talks a load of rubbish, but I need this to stop.
Recently we were out with a mate who works in the film business.
My girl started bragging about all the big stars she ‘knows’. Inevitably the bloke engaged her in conversation, because he really does know these people. She made herself look a fool. I had to pretend that I had food poisoning and drag her away. The reality is that she is nice enough without the tall tales. I don’t care that she lives an ordinary life. I need her to be herself, because she’s not impressing me with her far-fetched stories. How do I have this conversation without humiliating the woman?
JANE SAYS: I suggest you pick your moment and very gently tell your girl that you like her “just the way she is”.
Ask her to calm down and take a breath.
I get the impression that she is desperate to appear worldly and sophisticated.
She thinks by spinning fantastic yarns that she’ll amaze you and everyone you know.
All she does is make herself look desperate and ridiculous. Invariably she trips herself up with her pathetic lies and falls flat on her face. Folk only need to scratch the surface and she’s exposed as a fibber and a fraud. Not cool. The reality is that she’s very insecure. She’s so anxious to appear interesting and exciting that she goes completely over the top and gets carried away with herself. I bet, once she starts one of her legendary yarns, she simply doesn’t know how to stop – everything unravels before her very eyes.
Tell her that she doesn’t have to do this. Explain that you’re not impressed by tales of celebrities or nightclubs. You didn’t start dating her to enter into a ‘who is more worldly than who’ competition because she impresses no one and it’s simply not necessary. She is enough.
Mini orgy
Recently my line manager got off with a female colleague. They invited me back to her flat for a threesome. Somewhere along the way another guy and a girl joined us, and we had ourselves a mini orgy situation. It was the best experience of my life.
My problem is that I’ve become obsessed with the two women involved. I want to do it all over again. I’ve offered to book a hotel and everything. Yet they don’t seem interested and I feel crushed. What if something as amazing as this never happens for me again? I’ve tasted honey and I want more.
JANE SAYS: Keep your head down and get on with your work.
I’m not surprised that your mind is all over the place. You had wild sex, with various colleagues, during one crazy session. You found yourself in the eye of a sexual storm and it was great.
But what’s done is done. There can be no going back for an action replay. Stop harassing your female colleagues and accept that the experience was simply a sublime moment in time.
Everyone concerned is now entitled to get on with their daily lives without being harassed by you. Your colleagues are not the answer to your sexual fantasisies. If you wish to experience edgy sex again, then I strongly suggest you look for fun outside of the workplace.
Dirty habits
My husband was sacked from his old job for sleeping with a colleague.
He’s got a new job is already having an affair with a client. He’s still sleeping here but living an independent life. Friends tell me to dump him while relatives beg me to hold on. I’ve seen his latest lover and she’s gorgeous. I accept that women are attracted to him, but why does he keep humiliating me?
JANE SAYS: If your husband is in the habit of sleeping his way around every firm he’s employed by, then he can’t think much of you?
Tell those relatives to butt out and think about the kind of life you wish to lead.
I get the impression that you’re scared about the future and frozen in fear. Whatever happens, you can’t carry on as you are, because you need to know where you stand. Remember that if you do divorce, then you’ll get what you’re entitled to.
Ask him for an all important chat and warn him that you will not go on like this. You are not his skivvy or his facilitator – you are his wife. If he no longer values you or what you have together, then it’s game over because a person can only take so much.
Grief struck
My partner went to the gym and never returned. Now he’s living a PT instructor and says we’ve over. He’s not thinking straight, he’s still grieving the death of his brother in March. I’ve given him a month long break from our relationship to sort himself out. But he’s adamant that he never wants to be with me again.
JANE SAYS: I suggest you give your man time and space.
He’s angry and confused right now.
He’s taken flight and thinks he’ll be happier in the arms of another. Invite him to meet you in a neutral location for a chat. Aim to be dignified and adult.
Tell him that you love him. Urge him to get the help he needs from his GP regarding his grief. You and he need to take one day at time.