If you have a problem that needs solving and you don’t know where to turn, look no further.
Every day, the Daily Star’s very own agony aunt Jane O’Gorman is on hand to tackle your issues and concerns with some straight-talking but sound advice.
From bedroom confessions to self-confidence issues , drug use and everything else, Jane has helped thousands of Daily Star readers over the years and isn’t slowing down.
If you want help, you can write to Just Jane, Daily Star, One Canada Square, London, E145AP or email jane.ogorman@reachplc.com. Please note that Jane cannot respond to individual letters and not all problems will be published.
Damaged goods
I wish my girlfriend had never told me about her sordid past. Suddenly I’m staring at her in a whole new light – and don’t like what I see.
I’m sure that confessing about her drinking, drug taking and blistering former sex life made her feel amazing. But all she’s done is upset me.
I thought she was decent, clean living woman with an ordinary history. Turns out that she was a screaming lush from the ages of 16 to 28 (last year, when I first met her).
She credits me with saving her and calming her down, but I’ve been left with more questions than answers. She sat me down during our recent trip to Ibiza and said that we had to talk.
I honestly thought she was going to ask me to marry her. Instead, she gave me a beer and poured her heart out. She said that she was struggling to live with herself and sleep at night.
Apparently, I had to know about the THIRTY guys she slept with at college; the numerous affairs with married men and colleagues and the THREE guys she pleasured as a bridesmaid during her sister’s 2022 wedding. Total? About 50. Then she moved onto the copious amount of hard drink and soft drugs she consumed in the years before meeting me.
She then sobbed and said she felt so much better with that ‘baggage’ off her back. But all she’s done is transfer that backage onto my shoulders. I now feel weighed down with questions, doubts and feelings of disgust. I’ve tried to talk to her again, but she says that she’s achieved ‘closure’ and wants to put it all behind her.
JANE SAYS: Your girlfriend may feel that she’s unburdened herself and cleared the air, but all she’s done is leave you with a mountain of unanswered questions.
The fact is that many of us do stupid things in our youth. That’s perfectly understandable. So, she sowed a few wild oats, so what?
But can she assure you that she has given up drink and drugs and other lovers for good, or is there are a chance she may relapse?
How does she honestly expect you to react to this bombshell? She must be seriously deluded if she thinks that this is it; that she can simply wipe her hands and declare the matter ‘subject closed’.
You’ve got to get tough and tell her that this conversation is far from over. This is just the beginning. Did any of her conquests mean anything to her? Did she get professional help regarding the drinking and drug taking? Tell her that you need time to process and think about where you go from here. Do you fear that you will never know what makes her tick and that she could be capable of flipping out and breaking your heart?
Protect yourself and trust your instincts because you cannot allow anyone to take advantage or make a fool of you.
Delayed reaction
I felt hugely relieved when my ex-wife left me.
I was delighted to get my life back. I reconnected with old friends. But on the day our divorce was finalised, regret hit me like a sledgehammer. All I could think about were the happy times we shared together.
Now I’m suffering from a delayed reaction to the split.
I should have been a better husband.
I would do anything to get back with her, but she moved abroad with a new guy.
JANE SAYS: Please go and see your GP if you’re struggling to cope but accept that you can’t turn back the clock.
There must have been a very good reason for your marriage break up, or you’d still be together today. Accept that this is a challenging time for you, but you will get through it. Cry your tears; punch your pillow and then vow to rise again. Your ex has gone. She’s met someone new and has a different life.
After the split, you sprang back full of beans. You arranged to catch up with old friends and vowed to enjoy yourself. But then your emotions caught you at a vulnerable moment and now you’re suffering the usual come down that most of us feel immediately after a break up. Please stop beating yourself up because you’re completely normal. There will be better days ahead.
The price of love
My girlfriend keeps asking for money. If I don’t have any on me, then I’m ordered to visit a cash machine.
It’s beginning to feel as though she’s charging me for sex. Any time I suggest a bonk she ‘jokes’ “That’ll cost you” and it always does.
At the moment, full intercourse is £50 and oral sex is £30 a pop. The problem is that I’m hopelessly infatuated with her. If I don’t pay, then I don’t get.
JANE SAYS: Where is your self-respect?
This greedy woman is treating you like an idiot.
She knows that you’ve got money, so she’s ruthlessly exploiting you. You say that you’re infatuated her, but what is there to like? She’s greedy, can’t be trusted and is totally self-centred. Do yourself a favour and start seeing her for what she really is – a gold digger. I know that old habits die hard and that it’s difficult to let go of someone that we once trusted, but this woman is well past her sell-by date. Anything good you once had has rotted and turned to dust.
Find the courage to finally tell her that you won’t be used or ripped off a minute longer, because there are plenty of other – decent – partners out there.
Trade off
When I mentioned to my mate that I needed some decorating doing, she volunteered her brother.
Sadly, he was completely useless.
He charged me £500 for a rubbish paint job that he still didn’t put right even after I complained. Now he’s pressing me for more work. How do I ignore him without upsetting her?
JANE SAYS: If your friend’s brother isn’t professional and isn’t up to the job, then he must be told ‘no thanks’. You pointed out his short comings, and he still didn’t correct them, so it’s game over. You don’t owe him anything and you mustn’t worry about upsetting her. It’s not your job to keep her family members employed. Clearly, she’s having to act as his agent because he’s hopeless. This was only ever a business transaction.