If you have a problem that needs solving and you don’t know where to turn, look no further.
Every day, the Daily Star’s very own agony aunt Jane O’Gorman is on hand to tackle your issues and concerns with some straight-talking but sound advice.
From bedroom confessions to self-confidence issues , drug use and everything else, Jane has helped thousands of Daily Star readers over the years and isn’t slowing down.
If you want help, you can write to Just Jane, Daily Star, One Canada Square, London, E145AP or email jane.ogorman@reachplc.com. Please note that Jane cannot respond to individual letters and not all problems will be published.
Blood suckers
My family and friends are a bunch of leeches.
I never realised that being a male adult is so expensive.
From my poverty-stricken parents and unemployed girlfriend to my useless brothers, just when I think I’m getting ahead someone else turns up with a begging bowl. I love my brothers, but the youngest is now 28 and I’m still helping him with his rent, car and holidays.
My mum and dad are wonderful people, but they’ve never been savvy. Their finances are a disaster, and the old family home is falling down around their ears. Not only am I giving them funds for food and utilities, but I’m paying guys to fix their roof. My girlfriend refuses to admit that she’s unemployed.
She insists that she’s simply between jobs and ‘resting’. She hated her last job in an office and wants something more glamorous but isn’t prepared to look for a new position until the Spring. Meanwhile I’m supporting her even though this has never been agreed or discussed.
The other night my girl started telling me a sob story about her cousin needing cash for a boob job. Apparently, the woman wants to go ‘massive’ so that she can post saucy films online and make money. My girl was halfway through this saga when I put my hand up and said: “Stop”. With that she flounced off calling me mean. I’m insulted.
Now I’ve just had my best mate on the phone saying he’s going to lose his house if I don’t help him with his mortgage – again. Just because I have my own business, everyone seems to think that I’m loaded.
JANE SAYS: If you feel that your friend and family rely on you too much, and that they’re starting to take advantage, then you need to review your spending.
It’s vital that you take care of your own mental health and recognise your limits, otherwise you won’t be able to work or cope – and then everyone will suffer. If your parents and various individuals are becoming a drain on your resources, then go back to the drawing board and start again with a fresh budget.
You need to work out exactly how much you have coming in and going out. You need to level with them about reality. The same goes for your girlfriend. What’s wrong with her getting any sort of job to tide her over? She may have grand plans, but you are not her personal cash machine. Do your parents finally need to downsize or speak to social services to enduse they’re getting all the benefits they’re entitled to?
Call a family meeting and see what should be done.
Of course, you feel sorry for your mate, but his mortgage is not your problem. You need to make it clear to everyone that there is no such thing as a free ride. Your business doesn’t run itself, but you will run out of energy and goodwill if you’re not very careful.
Dog’s breakfast
My colleague arrives at work (late) at 9.30 and then spends 30 minutes doing her make up. Eventually she goes down to the canteen for breakfast and finally sits down to work (after several personal phone calls) around 11am.
Am I right to seethe, especially when she often has long lunches and goes home early too?
JANE SAYS: Don’t seethe or you’ll just make yourself more bitter and unhappy – and that’s not good for your general wellbeing.
If you feel you hold the fort far too often and that this tricky colleague is taking advantage, then you need to keep a diary and then speak to your boss or someone in your HR department.
The fact is that there are backsliders everywhere, but you’re entitled to speak up.