If you have a problem that needs solving and you don’t know where to turn, look no further.
Every day, the Daily Star’s very own agony aunt Jane O’Gorman is on hand to tackle your issues and concerns with some straight-talking but sound advice.
If you want help, you can write to Just Jane, Daily Star, One Canada Square, London, E145AP or email jane.ogorman@reachplc.com. Please note that Jane cannot respond to individual letters and not all problems will be published.
Floods of tears
How do I stop my closest friend making a complete ass of herself?
I’m so ashamed of the way she’s behaving right now. She’s running around after the most rude, loathsome man I’ve ever encountered. Not only is he treating her like dirt but he’s already married. She’s obsessed with him. But I’ve openly seen him get off with other woman right in front her.
The other night he snogged a blonde rival in the middle of our local pub.
My friend was so humiliated and I’ve lost count of the times I’ve had to drag her home in floods of tears. She’s a lovely girl, but she’s just got a blind spot as far as this moron is concerned.
Yes, I agree that he’s quite good looking. He’s fit and dresses well. But he’s a total muppet when it comes to personality and manners. He openly treats her with contempt.
He kisses and tells too. Every time they spent the night together he brags about the sex afterwards. He boasts about all the tacky stuff he’s got her to do – often with a mate or two in tow.
She claims that the group sex games are exciting and fun, but I just don’t believe her.
Of course I’ve told her to forget him; to let him go and find someone nice. But she wails that she doesn’t want ‘someone nice’ she only wants HIM. What on earth can I do to help her before this ridiculous crush destroys her completely? I’m the only one of our little gang left who is willing to have anything more to do with her. Everyone else has drifted away.
I fear that if I abandon her now, then she’ll be completely friendless – and even more vulnerable than ever.
JANE SAYS: Sadly, there’s nothing you can do for your friend because she’s in the grip of an infatuation.
Of course the object of her desire is a complete idiot, but she has fallen hard for him and she can’t help herself. I suspect, that, in the cold light of day, she’d agree that he’s a cruel, heartless user, but once the lights dim and she’s all fired up, then she’s lost. What I’m concerned about is that you’re wasting too much of your time and energy on this ridiculous drama.
The rest of your friends seem to have the right idea.
Shouldn’t you be meeting new people and having fun rather than hanging out with your sobbing mate? Wouldn’t your life be more enjoyable spent in more fun, uplifting, company? The big question is this: what are you actually getting out of this tacky soap opera?
Tell your friend that you’ve had enough. Tell her that you want to go to new places and leave this rubbish behind. You’re offering her a way out. Is she with you or not? The last thing you want is for her to drag you down to her level.
Yes, I get it that you feel sorry for her and feel guilty about abandoning her, but she’s not actually your responsibility.
Never forget that she’s an adult with a mind and will of her own.