If you have a problem that needs solving and you don’t know where to turn, look no further.
Every day, the Daily Star’s very own agony aunt Jane O’Gorman is on hand to tackle your issues and concerns with some straight-talking but sound advice.
If you want help, you can write to Just Jane, Daily Star, One Canada Square, London, E145AP or email jane.ogorman@reachplc.com. Please note that Jane cannot respond to individual letters and not all problems will be published.
History repeating itself
My older boyfriend has made yet another woman pregnant. We were on a break. He says it was a one-night-stand with a colleague but he’s happy to be involved in the child’s life. I’m supposed to be the love of his life, yet I feel stupid and humiliated.
We’ve been together for many years. His first child was born to his ex-partner. I was away on holiday with three girlfriends when they reunited in a club. A night of passion followed during, which she became pregnant and then announced she was keeping the baby.
I forgave him that hiccup because he begged me to give him one more chance. But now it’s happened again, and my patience is running thin. He says he’s desperate to stay with me, but I must accept that things are going to be different from now on. Just like the first child, he is determined to see and financially support this second one too.
I’m desperate for a child of my own, yet he says that won’t be possible as he’ll have too many financial responsibilities. If anything, he might have to get me to pitch in with some money of my own for the kids because he doesn’t earn very much.
So now he’s asking me to pay for his children too, is he?
The man is priceless.
My parents are begging me to dump him. They say he’s bad news and will only ever hurt me and let me down. But he’s a hard man to ditch. Not only is he charismatic, sexy, and funny but he has a knack of making everything he says and does sound perfectly reasonable and workable.
The other night he suggested that caring for this second child (during his weekend access times) will be enough of a ‘baby fix’ for me – so I won’t ever need to have children of my own. I’m 33. Where do I go from here?
JANE SAYS: I suggest you walk straight out of the front door – without looking back.
You’re in the prime of your life yet everything is falling down around you. Your boyfriend has made another woman pregnant and is acting like it’s the most normal thing in the world.
He’s told you that you can’t have the child you crave because he’s too overwhelmed with the forthcoming baby, but you might have to chip in with cash to keep his show on the road. What kind of planet is he on?
And what kind of future are you looking at with him? Face it; he’s not the man for you. He’s too untrustworthy, sly, and dishonest with way too much attitude and baggage. Take a deep breath today and start looking for somewhere new to move to; speak to friends and family about renting a spare room.
Then tell your cheating boyfriend that he’s on his own. The sad truth is that some people are just not worth bothering with – and your fella is one of them. Something must have spurred him on to cheat on you in the first place. He can’t blame booze or the heat of the moment.
Now he’s looking forward to becoming a dad for a second time, with a second woman and you’re being viewed as nothing more than a facilitator. Listen to your parents.
Dotted line
My fiancé wants me to sign a pre-nup before our wedding. She was left some money by her late grandfather, which she is keen to ringfence. I’m incensed. I’d never insult her in this way.
Admittedly I don’t have a penny to my name but where is the trust?
Where is the ‘what’s mine is yours’ sentiment?
JANE SAYS: Calm down and stop viewing your finance’s request as a personal slight.
A pre-nup will only come into play if you divorce. Are you planning to get divorced? Of course not. She’s entitled to put one in place if she wants to keep her late grandfather’s money in her family to hand down to her relatives.
Keep talking and remember that pre-nups are not automatically enforceable by British courts.